Just watched your cinematic. To be frank, it wasn't anything special. It lacks interest.
Tips:
- Pherhaps if we see the undead plotting things. You could help the audiance understand just how evil these undead are. Who the hell are they?
- Maybe a fight or two. A little action is always nice. It depends on what kind of cinematic you are making. You don't neccicarily need action. Its just a little odd to be making a cinematic about war, just minus the actual fighting.
- Develop the important characters by revealing history, motives etc. The King at the started had informal language. But I mean, I don't really know anything else about him, what sort of person he is? This is usually achieved through the actions and choices they make. Its not really possible to address this point at all in a 4 minute cinematic. Maybe the cinematic could be a little bit longer?
- Some of the dialogue is cut too short. On a couple of the long speeches, the next talking happened before I finished reading it. Consider timing how long it takes you to read each piece of diagloue and adjust accordingly.
- There is no interesting music or sound effects. Just default human music playing. That is all. Maybe gate noises would happen if a gate opened. Teleport noises would be nice. That portal could of made a noise when it oppened. You could have ambient sounds of quiet chitter chatter amongst the soldiers when the king was walking past. Tension music could play before any fights, etc (if you decided to add a fight)
- The environment is not very interesting. For a castle, it just looks like a couple of walls holding in thousands of units standing in lines. Where are their houses? Motes? Archways? Is there a single tree in this castle? Markets? Make a larger map and you could add these features in. Pherhaps the king could talk about how important his kingdom is. How he loves his people and must protect them from the undead. The camera could move across areas of the castle, showing children playing, fountains etc. This would enhance the story and would be more interesting than showing the king talk the whole time.
- Also, instead of masses of units in lines, you could make them preparing for battle or something. You know. The undead are attacking. So they just sit in masses in courtyards or something? The only reason why they would stand in masses if the undead were literally outside the castle wall and they were waiting to attack.
Archers could be shooting targets, footmen hitting scarecrows, or in light combat with another footmen. Preists could be casting something on statues or something. Peasents repairing towers. Villagers roaming around in a hurry entering their houses and their kids following behind them. Be more realistic about what is going on.
Simply put, too much talking involved, not much happening. Please consider all of my points. They are important and would really help this map. Keep working on it