Nature

[Sacrimo]

Poem:

Nature is red
Nature is cool
Nature is black and blue

Nature is a life
Nature flys like a kite

Nature can kill
Nature can smell

Nature is calling
Nature is crawling

Nature is cunning
Nature is stunning

Nature is soft like foam
Thats why I made this poam.

Poem Story:

Nature always made me pee
But im glad they make trees
I wrestle in the leaves
at the same time I pick there peas
I like to draw bushes
because they remind me of Mushes
to bad I got to the light
I ruined my life
But heaven is better then hell
I see trees that smell
Hell has burned trees
They make me get flees
I met a girl named Lori
Thats why I made this story

Detailed Story:

I cowered as the Ginormous monster fell from its slumbering root, the flash that stuck it made me welp. Scared, defeated, I recalled my life, just in time before all went wrong. When the monster hit me I almost cried, the pain was so much all tears said *good bye* I, in enourmous, slickerating pain, took my last painful breaths and sighed. The light began to dimish, I found myself in the dark. I heard many loud sirens as my chest pumped. I relized I was in a slump. I looked around to see men in white. They put a small mecinism on my naked chest, I then felt a tingle on my body. I woke up from my dreadful dream, wishing it wasn't true, but I looked up into the light, relizing it wasn't on the sky. All of my loved ones looked at me in worried looks. The dream was reality. I then fell a sleep once again dreaming about my life...to bad its the last dream I got.


Well heres are some Notes on my stories/poems.

Poem: A poem I made in the first grade, I found it in a old box in my garage. I edited alittle bit, but not much, mostly the spelling

Poem story: I have no idea if thats what they call it, but its about a boy who loves to go outside, but got poisoned by Ivy. The setting is in the 1500s so there is no medicine for it. He died, but had experiments in heaven and hell. (totally made up) ps: not religous

Detailed story: This is based on a true story on what happened to my cousin 3 years ago. He was playing around outside until a storm came by. He was under a huge tree at the time. Lightning hit the tree and it fell on him. He died at the hospital...I was there at the time. One of the saddest things I ever saw.

Personal Note: Well overall, I think I did a OK job on making these. I would like nice/critism replys if possible

 

[Teh_Ephy]

¶s 4 and 5 of the poem are the only ones that are poetic in essence and not just name. I saw the note about it at the bottom, doing that in first grade isn't bad at all.

About the second poem, is Ivy a person? If you're talking about the plant poison ivy, all it does is make you itchy. Also, you used the wrong "flea", "flee" means to run away. The ending is also pretty awkward.

Um, slickerating? Anyways, ginormous shouldn't be capitalized (it made it into the dictionary, that's hilarious) you misspelled "mechanism" and "realizing", and "looked at me in worried looks" is a little more than slightly awkward. Those errors aside, I like it. Sorry about your cousin.

 

[Sacrimo]

¶s 4 and 5 of the poem are the only ones that are poetic in essence and not just name. I saw the note about it at the bottom, doing that in first grade isn't bad at all.

About the second poem, is Ivy a person? If you're talking about the plant poison ivy, all it does is make you itchy. Also, you used the wrong "flea", "flee" means to run away. The ending is also pretty awkward.

Um, slickerating? Anyways, ginormous shouldn't be capitalized (it made it into the dictionary, that's hilarious) you misspelled "mechanism" and "realizing", and "looked at me in worried looks" is a little more than slightly awkward. Those errors aside, I like it. Sorry about your cousin.

Thank you for the critisms(if thats how u spell it lol)