Looking back on life

[Sesshoku_sendo]

Am I the only one here that wishes he could go back in time to stop himself.
Am I the only one here That actually does hate himself for all his mistakes For all his failures for all the people I have beaten up, or hurt in any other way.
I used to get paid by my class too beat other kids up that no one liked and kept screwing with them. We were all friends then. But it seems now that im not fighting they all want nothing to do with me. im just the freak in the side lines. I wish I had never done what they wanted I should just beat them up. I dont know why but I wont. I regret a few of the fights too like one of them my best friend sided with the other kid. I got tackled into a locker by my friend half way through. I lost because of that. Does that mean that I was wrong? or does it mean he was only posing as my friend?

Just wanted to get some of this stuff said I heard it helps

 

[MySpaceBarBroke]

Am I the only one here that wishes he could go back in time to stop himself.

Take a number and get in line. We all aren't perfect.

Am I the only one here That actually does hate himself for all his mistakes For all his failures for all the people I have beaten up, or hurt in any other way.

Take a number and get in line. We've all made mistakes.

I used to get paid by my class too beat other kids up that no one liked and kept screwing with them. We were all friends then. But it seems now that im not fighting they all want nothing to do with me. im just the freak in the side lines. I wish I had never done what they wanted I should just beat them up. I dont know why but I wont. I regret a few of the fights too like one of them my best friend sided with the other kid. I got tackled into a locker by my friend half way through. I lost because of that. Does that mean that I was wrong? or does it mean he was only posing as my friend?

Just wanted to get some of this stuff said I heard it helps

You make friends by being yourself. If someone is being a total dick to you, be yourself and see whether that makes you have a fist in his face or see it as a huge misunderstanding. One way or another, you'll make friends, you'll survive, and you will receive a few speed bumps on the road. So long as you keep the sharp objects away from your wrists, your life won't be in ruins. Humans have an amazing ability to adapt to hostile situations.

 

[Dr00d]

Trust me, I hate myself for all the dumb shit I've done too. And I'm gonna hate myself for things I will do in the future. It's called life my freind. But hey, sometimes the best thing to do is to say something, and a forum is alot cheaper then a shrink.

WE BE HERE FOR YA!

 

[Daminon]

I've hate myself through my whole life and I wish I would fall down lifeless any moment.

 

[Matt540 sheep god!]

Id have to say myspacebarbroke answered this on the mark. All of us have skeletons in our closets that we wish we didnt do, and we all probably wish we could correct them. However, life is never perfect, so we have to just go on with it.

As for the friend part, however, he may think of you as a friend, but im pretty sure a true friend would slam you into a locker if he was your friend. Dont worry though, as you can always make new friends. Just a year ago I was redistricted to another school myself and had few friends off the bat. Almost none to be exact. But by the end of the year, I was actually high on the popularity tree.

Simply put, myspacebarbroke is right

 

[Sesshoku_sendo]

Keep sharp objects from my wrists... I Have some suicidal past... Those mental centers are horrible all the "anti-depressants" that dont work those... well lets not go into too much detail... if you ever have to go to one of those places I suggest suicide.... parents dont trust me. for good reason they caught me smoking... I dont even care any more it doesnt matter they will find something to yell at me for any way.. My damn parents.. They talk of divorece but Why the hell wont they get it over with already.

Daminion I think your like me.. You feel like you dont deserve to live? like a failure and everyone says your not but you prove again and again to yourself you are. You even sometimes have thoughts of suicide? If this is the case Dont tell those damn councilers or those doctors. Those institutes arent as nice as they look.. You will regret it. I am only out now because I pretended to be Better but I still have to take thier god damned pills or else I go back

I am suprised that saying any of this stuff on the internet helps. but it does kind of in the sense someone else knows

 

[Shados]

Wish I could turn back time and redo mistakes?

Not at all. Why? Because if I did, I would no longer be me.

Our mistakes as much as our victories make us who we are.


-*meow*

 

[Kimbo]

Err... this is fairly normal. Pretty much everyone at one point is suicidal and pretty much everyone at one point will hate themself.

Seriously..its called growing up, also known as TEEN ANGST.

Iv had suicidal thoughts alot lately and iv had alot in the past, I hate myself alot, I do alot of things which are destructive to my life and long for more, Iv almost killed myself and had written up sketchy plans onto how, I have a past so shrouded with possible lies i have no idea if i really was molested or not. Im a zoophile;in my family-in this town-in this country-in this world it is considered wrong, sick and dirty and im considered a monster and a rapist. I have no friends, I self harm as a means to fight my depression or suicidal thoughts. I have trouble with stress, anxiety and get panic attacks and faint easily. My family has had a bad past as my parents divorced tried to kill eachother at one point (parents got back together). I was also mis-diagnosed and suspected of other mental illness's (some which dont even make friggin sense at all)

But..really....its rather normal ..dude..seriously..

NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, SOMEONE IN THE WORLD WILL HAVE IT WORSER THAN YOU, NO MATTER WHAT. So don't be ungrateful and accept what is to come and get out of that pile of shit your moping in and breath some fresh air.

I try to deal with my issues, some i accept since it is me. I try not to get what i can change to depress me. I am happier that i have no friends at times, since I can get to know who i am the best.

Its normal to make mistakes in your life, like i said, its a part of growing up.

Sorry if i sound cruel, but..seriously =/

and yes.. therapists suck, don't mope to them.

 

[Sesshoku_sendo]

I know I sound ungrateful... and I probably am I suppose. I know people have it worse. but I gotta get this out somewhere and here is perfect. I got my dad dumping all his problems on me too telling me how bad his life is. Now he hates me too After I came out of that institute I dont talk much now and its killing him he gets mad at me for it every second He is around I can tell he is mad at me He tells me that He lost something.. that HE lost HIS son GOD DAMNIT HIS SON... I own myself god damnit I will choose how to act I will be quiet if I want I will say w/e I fucking want. NO ONE owns me do they? im sick of him saying he has absolute control over my life. im sick of what ive got to go through and on top of that I gotta shield my sisters from this son of a bitch. he doesnt give a rats ass about them he even told me. And I had to stand up to one of my friends parents because they were fucking with him way too much telling him how horribly wierd and deranged he is.

After all this can you say im in the wrong?

Considered a monster are you? Have you ever been told your brother had 2 months too live? I know my brother was the one that had to suffer that thought most but It still hurt. He didnt die he had cancer and was in seattle nine months. I made some good friends up there in the hospital all cancer patients most of them died.

You dont sound cruel you sound right
I am jsut sick of all this stupid shit piling up

 

[Kimbo]

Then don't sit in the middle off the pile, Don't let it pile up. And suicide isnt gettin out of the pile, its shoving all the shit in your mouth until your nothing but shit youself.

As for things like cancer, it was their time, you can mourn, but they would never want their suffering to be your burden. Enjoy your life as it is, its normal to feel down. Death is something you earn by living yes.....


Im sure ill feel down later, but blah.

And i do wish you goodluck and hope all turns out well, dont think of the past too much at all but do try to learn from it, im sure those people too have moved on with their past that u did affect

and my father said the same thing to me aswell..(but..not son o.0)

 

[Razorbrain]

one simple thing ive learned over the years, i have to say

the most dangerous weapon we can ever face, is our past

 

[Dr00d]

Death at your own hands can cause nothing but pain for those who love you. Thankfully, someone talked me out of it when mah avatar was pointed at mah head (you know who you are ).

Shados did make a good point... without your mistakes you would be a different person. Mistakes are made so you can learn. The only thing you can do is just let out a sigh and keep on truckin'.

Trust mah... there are alot of great, wonderful things to do in life, and if you kill yourself, you are only stealing away those good times from yourself and the people that care about you.

 

[Daminon]

@Sesshoku_sendo
I don't know if I deserve to live. But I don't want to either way. I see no reason to live. I just want to vanish. I don't like life. There is nothing that could happen to me that would make me want to continue living. I have no catastrophic life but I'm sick of living. I don't want to have to work. And even if I got x money there isn't anything I like enough that would make me want to continue living. I hope I won't wake up tomorrow.

NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, SOMEONE IN THE WORLD WILL HAVE IT WORSER THAN YOU, NO MATTER WHAT. So don't be ungrateful and accept what is to come and get out of that pile of shit your moping in and breath some fresh air.

Being happy becouse someone has it worse is the most selfish thing you can do.

And Werewulf, such things is enough for some of us failures. Keep in mind that you are quite special and therefore capable of enduring your life. With close to no desire for friends you have it alot easier than others in that situation. And not everyone is strong enough.

 

[HeretoDLstuff]

For me there is no certainty,its not "I WANT TO DIE IM SO BAD" and not I "WANT TO LIVE IM SO GOOD".....There are things ive done I regret, and some I dont. Somtimes I feel as if I dont deserve to live, And dont want to, sometimes I think "Heck, I cant be worse than 50% of the rest of the world and they are liveing!" and fuiger I would rather live.

 

[Dr00d]

NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, SOMEONE IN THE WORLD WILL HAVE IT WORSER THAN YOU, NO MATTER WHAT.

Being happy becouse someone has it worse if the most selfish thing you can do.

I agree with Dami, that was a bad way to put that. A better thing to have said...

NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, SOMEONE IN THE WORLD WILL LOVE YOU AND WANT YOU ALIVE, NO MATTER WHAT.

Because you have it better then other people is not a good reason to be happy. If anything, you should care about-if not take action to help- these people. Come on wulfy!

 

[SuPa-]

I think Werewulf's trying to say that you shouldn't take your life for granted. If someone has a life worse than yours, and they're living, than you should be able to accept the cruelty and depression in your life, yourself, and live on. Daminon, saying that someone has no friends makes it better is both wrong and right. Friends can make you do things you will regret later on, or regret once you've done them. They can make you do stupid, idiotic things. But they can also support you through hard times.

 

[MySpaceBarBroke]

@Sesshoku_sendo
I don't know if I deserve to live. But I don't want to either way. I see no reason to live. I just want to vanish. I don't like life. There is nothing that could happen to me that would make me want to continue living. I have no catastrophic life but I'm sick of living. I don't want to have to work. And even if I got x money there isn't anything I like enough that would make me want to continue living. I hope I won't wake up tomorrow.

You hope you don't wake up the next day, and yet you get up every time you do. Life may be a burden, but dying is a real bitch. You breathe, you eat, you sleep, and you're not dead yet. You have a duty to live whether you like it or not.

Being happy becouse someone has it worse is the most selfish thing you can do.

It's not happiness at another person's expense. It's appreciation through empathy of another person.

And Werewulf, such things is enough for some of us failures. Keep in mind that you are quite special and therefore capable of enduring your life. With close to no desire for friends you have it alot easier than others in that situation. And not everyone is strong enough.

Oh bullshit. That's just bullshit. You can't possibly think that it's her DESIRE that makes her better off than you. MENTALITY is what keeps us from being depressed. For all we know, you could be in the same position as her, but she's looking over you because the only direction you face is down. Life's a savings account. You live a little longer and you get a little something over time.

 

[Sesshoku_sendo]

I'm done in this post. I have probably said too much about my life already

 

[Sansui]

Its not selfish to be happy that you do not have it as bad as someone else.
Its selfish to act like you care about other people because you think it makes you a better a person.

bah myspace already had it covered.

 

[GST_Nemisis]

there are some people who do much worse things for much less, no matter what you have done so far at least you have come to a turning point where from now you make your own choices on what to do in future. friends come and go so dont worry about that; people i used to know 3 years ago i will never know again, but who i am and my expirences will never go. i can decide what i want to do and who i want to be in the future from what i have done in the past, but that doesnt mean that something i regret will haunt me forever. move on, be a new person, make new freinds and enjoy life.

 

[FuryOfASquirrel]

We each have a purpose, as was mentioned before. We usually don't know that purpose, some people do know their purpose, and thus have resolve and a calm about them.

But for when we don't, but for those people who are stuck. For those who have given up hope, who have people in their faces, just remember this.
Somebody out there has to love you, somebody, always, and even though you may see it as nobody loves you, and everybody hates you, i cannot see that to be true, im sorry.

To look back on life, is a setback, in my opinion, unless your remembering something good, or have a moment to spare. Looking back on life could take away precious time, for me i've wasted probable at least a week doing nothing but thinking and staring, contemplating life and it's meaning (untill this summer) It's hard to come to a realization, because it's a realization. To live in this world, is hard, it's very rarely fair and equal. There are the slums, the poor people, the middle class, the upper-classmen, and the richies, im lower-middle class right now, and dwindeling.

To think about others sorrow and pain just makes me want to go help them, but i realize that where they are i cannot go, say a Christian goes to China and is killed, all i want to do is go to China and try, try so hard to stop it. There are so many closed-minded people, but there are also open-minded people.
I believe, if we are patient, and ever waiting and watching for those open-minded people, those good friends, those people who love you, that we'll find them someday.

For anyone who might go suicidal, Life is precious, every minute counts, the friendships you make in youth and teen ARE important for teens, and for adults pas their teenage state, don't look back on irrelevant mistakes, only look back to learn upon them.

From your past mistakes you can probably learn to treat people better, you'll make better impressions = more friends, but more friends = more enemies as well, there was seldom a person that everybody likes, and nobody hated.





Live, and let Live, let your enemies DO THEIR WORST, if it turns out their worst is killing you, and you feel that it's not ur time, your allowed to be defensive I believe in a fight, one person trying to kill another, if the defensive kills the other in defense, it was meant to be that way.


Everything that has come to pass, that is, and that will be, is meant to be the way it is.

 

[Kimbo]

Being happy becouse someone has it worse is the most selfish thing you can do.

No it's not, being ungrateful and not accepting what you have instead of what want is selfish and or ignoring all those sacrifice people do for you is VERY selfish.

 

[MySpaceBarBroke]

No it's not, being ungrateful and not accepting what you have instead of what want is selfish and or ignoring all those sacrifice things for you is VERY selfish.

Indeed, for all they know, wulf here could be having it worse than them, but is simply more optimistic.

 

[FuryOfASquirrel]

Optimism Ftw Xd