Leave shoozer alone lawl.

[JarrardKO]

I was in a freestyle thread on another forum and they were all picking on this guy named shoozer. so anyways i decided to help snoozer cuz he never swears in his rhymes. lol like 5-8 mins.

Hey yall, drop it, don't pick on mister snoozer,
pick on someone ur own size you stupid losers,
I can't hurt yall though that'd be to creul cuz,
yall tallied height is the equivilant of five inch oompa lumpaz,
So put your pitch forks and lamps away on the ground you silly stooges,
before me and snoozer put these shiney new lawn mowers to good use.

Yea.. I try to avoid calling people nerds and gays etc. 'cause the insults are too basic/generic. I try to aim for different bullseye when thinking of insults.

lol and just for the hell of it i'll show u my other other posts from that thread. Has a few bad words, but nothing too major.

yo remind, u have the worsest flow my corneria has ever seen
ur sentances are disconnetced, they have no joints linked in between
no relevance, ur table has no legs, they're not important, there is no stable built bridge,
no ways to get between the islands of ur rythmic lyrics,
wait, what rythm? all i see is a bunch of random words plastered in random cohension.

ur word placing precision and lyrics that are supposedly witty,
do not exist and ur flow is nothing short of shitty,
so please don't gimme the shit that your rhymes are hard hitting,
that when ur spitting, it'll leave me mentally ill when i hear it,
please - it won't cuz u overuse it and it's total bullshit,
shit, the rumour bout cell phones cancer possesses more truth to it than this.

and when ur lost in the fire smoke i leave u to search for the door out ur bedroom,
i'll leave, n let the building collapse ontop of u with the ceiling roof
no i won't throw u the rope to u when ur stuck cryin in snake holes
no i won't throw an inbflated tire to u when ur stuck sulkin in shark infested waters,
no i won't disarm my firearm when ur begging on the alley gruond cryin more tears,
cuz I WON'T show u mercy when I decapitate u with my lyrics.
cuz if YOU DON'T provoke me and elude to participate u'll live for an extra week before i finally get my hands on ur home adress.

Comments?

 

[Avatar-Conan]

ahhh man it cracks me up, the way you suck. ma bad if the dirt actually hurt but the shit you speak makes me sleep, you need a tweak your shit is weak. next time you weep make it sleek maybe take a week.

Word

Look man ma bad if it was SO offensive to you but ur rhymes just sucked. i like your attempts to diss me but that was just weak. Its coo dat you defending the kid but hey do it right take your time dont just spit random shit. I take back what i said if it bothers you that much.

Badd.dude i didn't see no rules in this section saying "you can't be rude" i got the message now but insulting a member of the hive by re writing their posts that's just sad. just makes you look bad being a moderator. and i quote

("*Cough* I'm a moron, i'm rude and my opinions don't matter to anyone. I have no respect for others *cough*)

At least the administrator here (wolverabid) is more intellegent by saying, and i quote "Avatar-Conan: Why not edit that comment to provide some relevant input?". But if you want to diss me, i laugh, i could just start with the stuff you wrote. now if you feel offended by this, by all means, feel free to negative rep me just proves your a poor minded kid.

that is all i gotta say

 

[JarrardKO]

yes and that's why i'm spitting it and your not?
go back to ur hole moron and suck ur own c*...
lawl i'm playin conan, we're still on good terms,
no. i'm kidding again, will u plz leave these forums,
because my lyrics are garbage just like ur opinions.
i'd like to see u write something just so I can laugh at your ignorance.
lol avatar conan, what type of name is that susposed to be?
u must be a fan of the "adventures of conan" they're showin on tv.
god conan, ur absolutely ridiculous.
atleast leave some DECENT negative critic.

 

[Gausslander]

JarradKO if you would stop and maybe, I dunno, read your lyrics to see if they make any sense at all? Look into my eyes Doomy, you are posting on an online forum, I might stop going to this forum if all I see here is badly written rhymes. I like how you're standing up for the "little guy," well, hell no I don't. I'm more of a brute myself. Next time, pm him, correct it over with the man, and then post it here for my eyes to feast on, huh? No hard feelings, we're still the two best judges on this site.

 

[Wolverabid]

For the average reader, it's difficult to determine the validity of the verse because we're not familiar with the original subject matter (shooter and this other forum). JarrardKO's introductory comments did provide some basic context: a hyperlink for reference would have also been handy.

My own tastes are similar in regards to "taking the clever high ground" when I find it necessary to comment in the negative. It's usually entertaining to observe the befuddlement of those who don't even realize that they have been belittled.

I would liked to have seen the capitalization and grammar of the verse formalized a bit more. Although poetry has no hard and fast rules regarding structure, I usually lean more toward the conventional end of the scale.

*Cough* garbage *cough*

Avatar-Conan: Why not edit that comment to provide some relevant input?

 

[Undead_Lives]

Rhymes are bad, the rhyming scheme you set up doesn't carry through, and please, PLEASE stop using things like "ur" and just type out the full word. No one respects someone in writing with bad grammar.
Btw, this to me seems like a sad attempt at rapping. Your rhymes suck. Example:

So put your pitch forks and lamps away on the ground you silly stooges,
before me and snoozer put these shiney new lawn mowers to good use.

If you're going to do rhyming couplets, do them right and stick to it.

 

[JarrardKO]

Lol i just realise I forgot a few words on the first one.

it's actually;

Hey yall, drop it, don't pick on mister snoozer,
u guys are bullies, rebellious young students,
so pick on someone ur own size you stupid losers,
but I can't hurt yall though that'd be to creul cuz,
yall tallied height is the equivilant of five inch oompa lumpaz,
not even the size of dwarven kindy garden kids,
So put your pitch forks and lamps away on the ground you silly stooges,
before me and snoozer put these shiney new lawn mowers to good use.

Hey yall, drop it, don't pick on mister snoozer,
u guys are bullies, rebellious young students,

Well for the first one, they were all ganging up on shoozer. That's why u see the schoolyard bully gang comparison.

so pick on someone ur own size you stupid losers,
but I can't hurt yall though that'd be to creul cuz,
yall tallied height is the equivilant of five inch oompa lumpaz,
not even the size of dwarven kindy garden kids,

I tell them to pick on someone their own size. But they're just small people who bully in gruops. I can't hurt them because trhey're too small.

So put your pitch forks and lamps away on the ground you silly stooges,
before me and snoozer put these shiney new lawn mowers to good use.

I think this is pretty self explainatory. They're very small people so we can run em over with a lawn mower. It's the punchline I guess.

Ok for the second one.

yo remind, u have the worsest flow my corneria has ever seen
ur sentances are disconnetced, they have no joints linked in between
no relevance, ur table has no legs, they're not important, there is no stable built bridge,
no ways to get between the islands of ur rythmic lyrics,
wait, what rythm? all i see is a bunch of random words plastered in random cohension.

ur word placing precision and lyrics that are supposedly witty,
do not exist and ur flow is nothing short of shitty,
so please don't gimme the shit that your rhymes are hard hitting,
that when ur spitting, it'll leave me mentally ill when i hear it,
please - it won't cuz u overuse it and it's total bullshit,
shit, the rumour bout cell phones cancer possesses more truth to it than this.

and when ur lost in the fire smoke i leave u to search for the door out ur bedroom,
i'll leave, n let the building collapse ontop of u with the ceiling roof
no i won't throw u the rope to u when ur stuck cryin in snake holes
no i won't throw an inbflated tire to u when ur stuck sulkin in shark infested waters,
no i won't disarm my firearm when ur begging on the alley gruond cryin more tears,
cuz I WON'T show u mercy when I decapitate u with my lyrics.
cuz if YOU DON'T provoke me and elude to participate u'll live for an extra week before i finally get my hands on ur home adress.

yo remind, u have the worsest flow my corneria has ever seen
ur sentances are disconnetced, they have no joints linked in between
no relevance, ur table has no legs, they're not important, there is no stable built bridge,
no ways to get between the islands of ur rythmic lyrics,
wait, what rythm? all i see is a bunch of random words plastered in random cohension.

Basically, I use metaphors for a comparison of his rhymes. I didn't think his words flowed to well, like there were these gaps. Uh disconnected u could say. Like one thing he's rhyming about sticky tape and then the next sentance he's rhyming about pool.

So I used metaphors to explain the way they it doesn't flow and he has all this random stuff. Hence things like "not relevant", "not important". The thing about islands is like... The islands are his story and he needs the right sentances (bridges) for it all to click together. It's all about metaphors for that one.

ur word placing precision and lyrics that are supposedly witty,
do not exist and ur flow is nothing short of shitty,
so please don't gimme the shit that your rhymes are hard hitting,
that when ur spitting, it'll leave me mentally ill when i hear it,
please - it won't cuz u overuse it and it's total bullshit,
shit, the rumour bout cell phones cancer possesses more truth to it than this.

Ok well, this guy named remind_ was bragging about how his flow or rhymes or whatever would leave me mentally scarred and stuff. And he had already said it a million times in all of other rhymes. Overusing it I guess. This part I just pick his "mentally scarring" flow apart. I think the lyrics are pretty self explanatory.

and when ur lost in the fire smoke i leave u to search for the door out ur bedroom,
i'll leave, n let the building collapse ontop of u with the ceiling roof
no i won't throw u the rope to u when ur stuck cryin in snake holes
no i won't throw an inbflated tire to u when ur stuck sulkin in shark infested waters,
no i won't disarm my firearm when ur begging on the alley gruond cryin more tears,
cuz I WON'T show u mercy when I decapitate u with my lyrics.
cuz if YOU DON'T provoke me and elude to participate u'll live for an extra week before i finally get my hands on ur home adress.

This is me having a little fun. Experimenting with syllables. The other guy said something about how he's so hot he burned his building or something like that. So I just tried a little bit of story telling.

Anyways, speaking of storyy telling I've got another one where I try my hand at it. This wizard pl guys who i'm not even rhyming about comes out of nowhere and calls me a gay loser lol. So I wrote one about him, and it also has remind, and another guy. You could say I'm "beefing" with three guys at once lawl. Kidding.

yes wizard pl i'd honestly like to see u spit it,
cuz i'm quite interested to see how "real men" like u think up lyrics,
cuz u urslef obviously have an above average arsenal of styles and techniques,
that'll easily destroy me and tear me to tiny shreds and peices,
but i'll just lleave my quick input here before leave this thread;
remind, ur a dick s*cker,
popasmurf, ur a mother f*cker,
and wizard.. ur nothing to me u ugly sucker,
so don't tempt me cuz my dark side will awake from slumber,
and when those demon's chains break yall will slip and stumble,
fleeing for ur life as the earth begins to crumble,
red lights peer through road cracks and yall begin to cry and yell,
a demon soldier rises from what's left of the earth and fire emits from his helm,
this demon grabs three scrawny kids, remind, popa smurf, and wizard pl,
i'm commandin this demon and i permit him to squeeze em while held,
their eyes pop out their sculls and their brains burts out their mouths,
and as i watch their bodies fall to the ground i hear the ringing sound of a bell,
i wake up in my two story house and my alarms's noise still won't die out,
i'm dissapointed that my dream wasn't real life so i sigh, turn round and then continue to make love to ur mothers on my couch.

Yea, like 15 minutes I suspose.

 

[Undead_Lives]

If you were trying to explain yourself to me, I could care less about your message. I was commenting on your rhyming and the fact that it sucked.
stooges and use do not rhyme. You committed to a rhyming scheme, rhyming couplets. Don't know what that means? Wikipedia it.

 

[JarrardKO]

I wasn't explaining it to you, I was trying to clarify it for scythe/wolve.

silly stooges,
to good use.

It's how it's spose to rhyme and how you read it. For lack of a word you can connect syllabbles together from different words to rhyme with another word. And stop saying I downright suck dude, it's getting fairly annoying. I'd like to see you come up with something in 5-10 minutes. I think it would be very interesting to see what the "proffesional poet" comes up with.

 

[brad.dude03]

Alright, the rhyme was pretty funny to begin with, and now it makes a lot more sense, and is even more funny once yu've explained it. Perhaps you should start doing rhymes about various Hive members (with their permission of course)

I love how you go from sort of a rap-like rhyme, to using words like 'corneria', 'relevence' and 'cohension' in your second one. Very well done!

On a side note: Avatar-Conan, your post did not add to things here at all, and it was very rude. You have 24 hours to remove or edit it or you will recieve negative reputation and the post will be removed for you.

 

[JarrardKO]

a lil update; I'm steel "beefin" with the same people, remind_ and popasmurf. I'm handling these guys 2v1 lawl.

Here's one aimed for remind_ cuz he seems to be the alpha male of the two.

that's it remind, i've officially crossed the line,
i've snapped my pencil and scrunched up my rhymes,
you did it, i guess ur incredible at freestyles,
and since i've lost my mind, i've seen a new bright white shine,
my pupils have expanded to larger circles in my eye,
my heart feels light and my mind is newly refined,
tweaked, fixed, fiddled and tinkered with, everything feels light,
my body fluids stop and i enter a state of shock, the sun lowers and now it's night,
my body begins to convulse, begins to tranform as I float off flying like a kite,
eveything about me changes while i glide trough the night sky...

I then land on solid ground and then glance down at my hand,
i'm now something else, something other than human ascent,
i see a mic and i grab it, raise to my mouth and speak in it,
there's a pause, it's dead silent, it's suspenful, everything is really tense.
I say "Remind...


























You're a fucking idiot, bitch."

I experiment with flow, and go for the unexpected punchline. ~_~

This next one is about popasmurf, (cameo with remind_ lawl) 'cause he keeps sucking up to remind_.

"Remind_ is the greatest rapper/insulter" lol. It's really sad.
I experiment more with storytelling.

i sit down and grab the remote to turn on the tv,
relax, lay back to watch some quality "Cops" programming,
cuz these busts are always interesting to see in my honest opinion,
anyways, seems they're waiting outside the door house mat labeled "welcome in"
they kick the door down and what do both the cops and millions of viewers see?
popasmurf sucking reminds teeny weeny penis, maybe a one, half inch
i laugh to myself knowing that popsmurf sucked up to remind a little bit,
but i never speculated he literally did it like this,
you shoulda seen the expression on the faces of the police,
they looked sickened, one cop even vomitted over the bag of horney goatweed next to the matress,
"Oh no, they know our secret activities!" screams remind like a bitch,
i laugh to myself again, now the whole of wcr forums knows this shit,
"I'm placing you two young.. men under arrest.."
the officer barfs all over popasmurfs tiny pale chest,
by now after laughing so hard i have an ache in my stomach, maybe a stitch,

U TWO F*GG*TS ARE A GAY COUPLE, BAM, SECRET EXPOSED BITCH.
LOL, I PULLED U TWO OUTTA THE CLOSET.

Comments apprecisted. z;0