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Lament of the Heavens RPG (Wanting feedback)

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Hello everybody,
Currently a friend of mine and I are working on an RPG that has taken the name of "Lament of the Heavens", which connects with the plotline. I will giving you some information regarding the RPG and wish to receive both constructive criticism, feedback, and tips. Thank you kindly.

Lament of the Heavens


"Blackest is thy hour the heavens crash to the earth..."

When all seemed at quaint peace, and the old demon masters of the past were wrought a horrible death. And the kingdoms rejoiced in the holy name of Estallah, Eternal Queen of Magick, Creation and Love, something tragic happened. Estallah's beloved sister betrayed her and murdered her in cold blood. Her sister was the Witch Goddess Tyra’h, the writer of all wisdom, the bearer of all life and the forger of all laws. Writhed in black magick, she sought the great demon Osilith and let loose a hell of which none could tame. Adorn in an azure cloak, Tyra’h raised the hells upon the earth and erect her icy citadel and rested herself upon the black throne of which many, gruesome beasts would protect their ‘mistress’.

With famine, strife, darkness and frenzied demons flocking over the world, one glimpse of hope was left. The Seraphim, forced from their golden palaces above, were slaughtered, all for one, who sacrificed his immortality to create a border that would shun the demons from the lands of which were not touched by evil. With his great deed, the emperor of the Arcen self-proclaimed himself as the leader of what was left that could protect the world. This new-found Order came to be known as “The Crusade of Her Grace” in honour of the phoenix, Estallah. Now, as the countless demonic magi are aided by Tyra’h and her lover, Osilith, the shield is becoming weaker, and now is the time to fight for the world and its people… This was to become the Lament of the Heavens, a period of time that was envisioned by the Druidai as the time that the heavens would crash into the earth itself...

That is the storyline, I will now go onto regions.
Region One - The Emerald of Estallah
The Emerald of Estallah is the starting area where Selvathian Citadel lies. The Emerald has some of the more basic quests, including convincing a band of rogues known as the "ZODIAC" to join Emperor Sel'vath and his forces. The Emerald of Estallah is of course, forest, with trees that over shadow its people.
Region Two - Ael'travak
Ael'travak is the second region where two outposts fight for the protection of the great barrier protecting Selvathian Citadel from complete destruction. Ael'travak features quests that involve stealing a troll chieftains weapon, burning a liches grave, and of course, collecting/killing enemies.
Region Three - Dae'lavinore
Dae'lavinore is the third region where the newly founded bastion of hope, "U'r Fortress", has been built. In Dae'lavinore, you are to protect U'r Fortress from a large group of dark elves who wish to steal the souls of the pure elves, make an amulet that will help ward off the affects of the succubi, slaughter an evil priestess and her covenant, helping a Druidai himself defeat a hostile dragon, and a rescue mission.
Region Four - Mae'rok
Mae'rok is the fourth region where the mysterious dark elves wage war with a nomadic dragon family, a war that will drive the Tigeran and Orcish tribes from the deserts. Mae'rok features rescue missions, sabotaging a centaur camp, theft, leading a charge, taking back a town from demons, raising a shield to protect an Orcish village and defeating a tyrant.
Region Five - Qua'lah
Qua'lah is the fifth region where a merchant outpost is forced to defend themselves at all costs against an neverending horde of the dead. Here is the first encounter of Tyra'h, where she appears in spirit form after the death of two fallen angels. Qua'lah is a region that includes, running for your life, destroying necromancers, escorting merchants, slaughtering two fallen angels, resurrecting warrior spirits, and a lot more.
Region Six - The Baelin Archipelago
Baelin is a series of islands where the merciless Felblood troll tribe and the Sa'crazchan fight to keep the demons at bay. Baelin features large-scale fights and a quest to summon an uncontrollable force.
Region Seven - The Icelands of Tyra'h
The Icelands are a hazardous tundra where Tyra'h sits upon her ebony throne, watching hundreds be slaughtered. In the Icelands, players will be asked to drive a zeppelin overhead demon towers (and avoid them) to run away from Tyra'hs citadel, they will also be resurrecting Estallah upon Tyra'hs death, driving back a horde of demons and causing avalanches.
Region Eight - He'lyaer
He'lyaer is the final region where the demon Osilith slumbers and dark elves constantly seige the last city of the corrupt elven lands. He'lyaer features the last boss, protecting a city about to crumble, cleansing a land, and helping an angel get back its wings.

There are our regions, now we have twelve heroes.
Archangel
A hero that includes smiting, healing and defending his allies. The Archangel is certainly the hero you would want to go if you are into paladins that do a lot of damage.

Barbarian
A hero that includes entering an uncontrollable rage, dealing damage and stunning. The Barbarian is a full on damage dealer, but lacks the ability to tank, despite his damage.

Beoudian Warlord
A hero that is adept in war cries, defending allies and commiting suicide. The Beoudian Warlord is a tank of the sorts, that also does damage, but at a price.

Beastmaster
A hero that is not based on summoning or taming beasts, but morphing into them. Such forms include the bear, wolf, angel, phoenix and rock giant. The Beastmaster is an unpredictable class indeed.

Tigeran Blademistress
A heroine that is well versed in agile combat, her moves include "Pounce of Steel", "Blade Tempest" and "Iron Claws". She is a considered hero if you are into messy deaths.

Night Watcher
A heroine that basically acts as an assassin. She is well versed in stealthy combat, but not head-first combat, as it is unorthodox. The Night Watcher should be considered if you wish to just sit on the sidelines and aid in damage dealing.

Forest Ranger
A hero of great importance in the world of bandits. He is not a ranger that controls nature, but a rogue with a bow. He is constantly in camouflage and sniping from long distances.

Arcane Bowmistress
Another ranger, but with powers over the arcane. She is one of whom you should not mess with for she has great potential. At first she may seem weak, but she is commonly underestimated.

Draconian Zealot
A draconian from the north, a hero of whom is well versed in icy magicks. He may freeze one with his stare, materialize ice or snow from nothing, and call upon the harsh blizzards of the north.

Druidess
An apprentice of the Druidai, the druidess is well adept in controlling earth and bending nature to her every will. She is somewhat tame, but like the earth, is overprotective of her children.

Priestess of Tyra'h
One of the many priestesses who have unconnected their strong bond with Tyra'h, but has still received the powers of the new form Tyra'h has assumed. The Priestess is a true healer. The Priestess may eventually choose to ascend into the Goddess Incarnate.

Arcane Sorceress
The main spellcaster, this heroine is well versed in the arcane arts, and like the Arcane Bowmistress, is underestimated a lot. The sorceress is your main damage dealer when it comes to spellcasters.

Also, the RPG will feature a bartering system, arena, a lot of items, "honour" (required to buy spell books for the heroes spells), six professions (Soulbinding, Weapon Smithing, Armour Smithing, Earth Shifting, Beast Taming and Highway Robbery) and a brilliant dialogue. So please, tell us what you think.
 
Level 5
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what you have written sounds good although it could use some plot twist. Their are now errors in your concepts as i can see.


However things I have some minor suggestions:
Archangel
Rename this one if I thing of Archangels their mighty leaders and strong warriors. But since at least i thing you will start weak (right?) He should just called be angel.

Barbarian
well that name is to generic call him something like (Region/Tribe name) Barbarian

Beastmaster
Please don;t let him completely morph into animals his form should look Humanoid. For Example instead of morphing into a wolf let him morph into a werewolf.

Forest Ranger
I'm not sure about this but when i translate ranger it is something like Forest Keeper. As my mother language is German (it would be Wald Wald Hueter) which means Forest Forest Keeper.

I would like to see some Class quests this quest will change class name (but not skills or attributes) to indicate the power level of the hero.

A proper skill scaling with attribute. I often encounter RPGs whichs skill are good early game, ok middle game and awful late game. Because melee damage scales and spells don't.

The Regions sound very good and the glimpse of the Lore you gave looked promising.
 
Level 2
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Thank you for the feedback Zinive, I'm posting in Wolf's place as he is busy.

We are planning some major plot twists later at about region six.

The archangel in question is a descendant of the Seraphim mentioned in the story. He is fairly leader-like in the story, but he may be renamed.

Barbarian is indeed a generic name, the model is not generic however. Hell-boarish in natural, our Barbarian will give "Barbaric" a new meaning. Baelin Barbarian might be an idea however.

Forest Ranger is not a keeper of a grove. A famous Australian criminal named Ned Kelly, was referred to as a "Bush Ranger." Our "Forest" ranger is criminal in nature (No pun intended), and uses his camoflauge and various other tricks to rob from the rich, and give to himself.

You say class quests as in changes to the Hero class, correct? If so, what changes would you mean, statistical, spell-based or weapon-wise?

Our skills will be based widely on the distance the heroes go. The farther the heroes go, the more powerful they're spells become, thanks to spell trainers and ultimate trainers. The Archangel doesn't even get his ultimate until region seven.

We hope this has cleared things up, we hope for more feedback soon.
 
Level 36
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Ah yes, let us fill our names up with apostrophes. Please, don't use apostrophes in names. It's been done so many times before and it doesn't even make sense, it's as if you made a nice sounding name and just randomly put an apostrophe in it.

Ael'travak => Ael Travak
Tyra'h => Tyrah
Dae'lavinore => Dael Avinore or Dae Lavinore
 
Level 17
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Ah yes, let us fill our names up with apostrophes. Please, don't use apostrophes in names. It's been done so many times before and it doesn't even make sense, it's as if you made a nice sounding name and just randomly put an apostrophe in it.

Ael'travak => Ael Travak
Tyra'h => Tyrah
Dae'lavinore => Dael Avinore or Dae Lavinore

Hmm, you have a point. I was thinking of taking the apostrophes out of the region names due to the same reason. I was going to name Tyra'h "Lysta", but Lysta didn't sound too evil to me, thus I changed it to Tyra'h which is somewhat short for Tyr'ahn (the minor god that raised Tyra'h and Estallah).

And Zinive, in the course of the RPG, the plot unfolds greatly. As darvarda mentioned earlier, there is a great deal of plot twists occurring from region six and to eight. But most quests however follow the storyline, one minor quest leading to a bigger and better quest that may require you to do something out of the ordinary, who knows. I am still in the process of devising our quests and dialogues.

Also, I am thinking of doing some altering with our classes. Not completely, but just with the Priestess/Archangel thing. You have a good point about the Archangel. I am thinking, considering the priestess does not become the Goddess Incarnate until later on, that maybe we use the same concept with the Archangel. Starting as a weaker class (Acolyte, priest, monk, paladin, etc) and then like the priestess, eventually choose to assume a higher and greater form.

Also, thank you for your feedback. Like darvarda, I hope this clears things up.
 
Level 5
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You say class quests as in changes to the Hero class, correct? If so, what changes would you mean, statistical, spell-based or weapon-wise?

Let's take the Archangel for example. He could start as Angel and turning into a Archangel later on in the quest. You could either use attachment a brighter Sword for example or just give him some minor stat bonus nothing to big.
 
Level 2
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@Zinive: The model we have for Archangel has looks like an archangel, but with some minor tweaks, could be downgraded.

@Void: Tyrahn sounds something of a Tigeran name to me, Tyrana somes a bit more like "Tyrant", thus making more sense in the RPG.

I personally find the apostrophes annoying as well, they have prevented me from remembering the names of the regions :D

I still call them region 1/2/3 etc.

Also, as a plug-in, we are still in need of both a triggerer and a terrainer, as our previous terrainer walked out on us and my terraining skills have proved useless ;)
 
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