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Intelligent Falling

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People spend so much time debating evolution/intelligent design. But an even greater controversy is about to begin.....
(I found this on theonion.com)

Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory

KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.
According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.
The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."
"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.
Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.
"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."
Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.
"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."
"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"
Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.
"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."
 
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So Jesus has been keeping me down all these years. Hmm.

---

Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.
Just because it is an elegant solution, it doesn't mean that it is correct. Call me biased if you will, because most likely I am, but I think I'm going to side with the Laws of Gravity. After all, there was a point where people thought that the earth was the centre of the universe, and this viewpoint was defended by the church. After all, it does say in the Bible that:
"[the LORD] set the earth on its foundations; it can never be moved." - Psalm 104:5
Sorry if I'm bashing the belief of anyone here who believes that the Earth is the centre of the universe or if I'm offending anyone in any religious way, but as far as I am concerned, it is pretty much proven that it isn't. This doesn't necessarily mean that any and all scientific measure obtained from the Bible is incorrect or flawed, just that it shouldn't necessarily be taken 100% literally. Of course, there will be some people here who will take every word of it literally, and it isn't my place to force you to change your viewpoint, only to offer an unprofessional opinion.

And if anyone says I'm prejudiced against Christians, please note that I am, in fact, Christian.
 
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Dude I bet ya never had psychics on school. The earth draws things to himself with attraction, just watch. TheDivineBoss drops a ball and it falls to the floor. See? The earth attracts the ball to the ground since it wants the ball since it's bored! Oh and if we didn't have gravity, we all didn't saw the difference between up and down, a test: put some pregnant mice a week in space, they gave birth back on earth again. The normal ones who gave birth on earth without leaving it to space.. Drops a baby mouse in a box of water and he drops with his 4 little baby feet on the bottom. Their all fine, don't you worry. Now the those who were in space. Drops a baby mouse who went to space in the water and he rotates wildy They lose their sight of direction. Saw that on Discovery this test.
 
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Dude I bet ya never had psychics on school. The earth draws things to himself with attraction, just watch. TheDivineBoss drops a ball and it falls to the floor. See? The earth attracts the ball to the ground since it wants the ball since it's bored! Oh and if we didn't have gravity, we all didn't saw the difference between up and down, a test: put some pregnant mice a week in space, they gave birth back on earth again. The normal ones who gave birth on earth without leaving it to space.. Drops a baby mouse in a box of water and he drops with his 4 little baby feet on the bottom. Their all fine, don't you worry. Now the those who were in space. Drops a baby mouse who went to space in the water and he rotates wildy They lose their sight of direction. Saw that on Discovery this test.

*sigh*

It's a joke making fun of intelligent design...........
 
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(Just a friendly opinion and if I am wrong about my reaction I appologize.)

Must you make fun of religous beliefs about our world at everyturn?

Just because we do not believe that we are the children of apes, does not mean that we are utterly stupid.

Nor are we utterly stupid because of our religous beliefs.

Thankyou and have a nice day.

(and yes I have a sense of humor and I thought the creation myth joke was amusing...but please keep your humor all in good fun.)
 
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(Just a friendly opinion and if I am wrong about my reaction I appologize.)

Must you make fun of religous beliefs about our world at everyturn?

Just because we do not believe that we are the children of apes, does not mean that we are utterly stupid.

Nor are we utterly stupid because of our religous beliefs.

Thankyou and have a nice day.

(and yes I have a sense of humor and I thought the creation myth joke was amusing...but please keep your humor all in good fun.)
Jokes are jokes, whatever viewpoint they are. Do you see me bitching about Gilles' dead god joke on the internet joke thread? Accept good humor and get over it. And stop playing the victim, because I'm sure there is ridicule on your side as well.
 
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Did'nt this thread fade away a while ago?

And you know what. I was just telling him to not fall into the temptation of posting less humoristic religous spoofs. I have a sense of humor, and I know good humor from bad. I am not playing the victim, so dont start.

I am not in the mood to have another argument with you, that will ultimately drag everyone else in, and cause another breeding ground for trolling that will last until kingdom come.
 
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Jokes are jokes, whatever viewpoint they are. Do you see me bitching about Gilles' dead god joke on the internet joke thread? Accept good humor and get over it. And stop playing the victim, because I'm sure there is ridicule on your side as well.

Why would anyone except Nietzsche lovers have reason to bitch?

I agree with Elenai. I can laugh at my own beliefs in the name of a joke. Just don't take it too far. ;)

I also laughed when I read this. I just hope no one connects these people to my beliefs because we share some similar ones.
 
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