- Joined
- Feb 9, 2015
- Messages
- 27
Hey Hive!
Recently I've been getting into writing, particularly poetry and short-stories. During one such eventful writing session, I came up with what is written below. It was originally meant to begin a short story, but after reading and tweaking the first few paragraphs for some time, I began to see greater opportunities for this. I posted it here, on the Hive, because I was interested to get some feedback or constructive criticism about it, and basically see what the Hive community thinks about it.
Any feedback is appreciated and helpful.
Recently I've been getting into writing, particularly poetry and short-stories. During one such eventful writing session, I came up with what is written below. It was originally meant to begin a short story, but after reading and tweaking the first few paragraphs for some time, I began to see greater opportunities for this. I posted it here, on the Hive, because I was interested to get some feedback or constructive criticism about it, and basically see what the Hive community thinks about it.
I scrambled to my feet as soon as I woke up.
My first thought was that I was in heaven, or someplace like it, or else someplace birthed from my deepest memories of pleasure and happiness.
The cool, night air was just enough to feel against my skin, and rustle the leaves of the tall pine trees and a seemingly out-of-place willow, which stood much shorter than the surrounding pines. Short grass brushed against my ankles, rolling down a small hill into a large lake which reflected the bright moon and sent shimmers of light around the clearing. The grass turned to rock, and the rock turned to tall reeds standing on the shallows of the shore. And in these shallows was a rather peculiar-looking crane, standing with it's head turned to the water, deep in sleep and experiencing whatever dreams a water-bird might have at midnight.
And among these things was the one word that can instill a feeling of peace, of serenity, of calmness and yet of subtle danger and foreboding: it was quiet. The only sound was the soft chirping of a cricket, or some other insignificant insect which was likely to be the prey of the crane the very next morning, or perhaps a swooping bird from the highest branches of that strange willow tree.
Where I was, I couldn't tell. My only guess was that I was asleep. I'd heard of dreams that looked and felt completely real, and the only time you would realize you were asleep was when you finally woke up from what was usually a pleasant experience. Or unpleasant. It would be quite unfortunate to have a realistic nightmare. Was this a nightmare? No, it certainly didn't feel like one.
My first thought was that I was in heaven, or someplace like it, or else someplace birthed from my deepest memories of pleasure and happiness.
The cool, night air was just enough to feel against my skin, and rustle the leaves of the tall pine trees and a seemingly out-of-place willow, which stood much shorter than the surrounding pines. Short grass brushed against my ankles, rolling down a small hill into a large lake which reflected the bright moon and sent shimmers of light around the clearing. The grass turned to rock, and the rock turned to tall reeds standing on the shallows of the shore. And in these shallows was a rather peculiar-looking crane, standing with it's head turned to the water, deep in sleep and experiencing whatever dreams a water-bird might have at midnight.
And among these things was the one word that can instill a feeling of peace, of serenity, of calmness and yet of subtle danger and foreboding: it was quiet. The only sound was the soft chirping of a cricket, or some other insignificant insect which was likely to be the prey of the crane the very next morning, or perhaps a swooping bird from the highest branches of that strange willow tree.
Where I was, I couldn't tell. My only guess was that I was asleep. I'd heard of dreams that looked and felt completely real, and the only time you would realize you were asleep was when you finally woke up from what was usually a pleasant experience. Or unpleasant. It would be quite unfortunate to have a realistic nightmare. Was this a nightmare? No, it certainly didn't feel like one.
Any feedback is appreciated and helpful.
