Darkness Returns Again

[neo_sluf]

So here is my very short story about my new project.

Guys i need your feedback and grammar corrections cause English is not my primary language since i am a Filipino..


Chapter 1: Light over the Darkness

If there is a place in the universe which darkness is immeasurable, it is in the world of Voinethar. The planet where the most powerful evil creatures of all kind lives. This place is the source of all the darkness in the universe. The world spreads dark energy throughout the universe causing chaos and corruption to those worlds who are affected.
If there is a place in the universe which darkness is immeasurable then there will always be a planet where the power of light is immeasurable. This planet is Cieavelind where the most powerful gods of light lives.
The gods of Cieavelind felt that the darkness of Voinethar becomes stronger and stronger as it consumes more and more world in the universe. The gods of Cieavelind decided tp destroy the darkness of Voinethar as soon as possible. Then the gods of Cieavelind send their mightiest angels to Voinethar.
Then the great war between the good and evil rage in the lands of Voinethar. For hundreds of years the most powerful evils defeated and killed by the angels. Using all the powers of the angels they created a ritual that will lock down all the evil creatures into the abyss. The angels sacrificed themselves to remove every darkness in the universe then after that the time of peace and harmony comes.The planet of Vointhar is now an empty planet where no life can be found. The Gods of Cieavelind decided to give life to this planet then the time of creation begins.
Once the planet of darkness, now Voinethar is the planet full of life, peace and harmony. The Gods of Cieavelind decided to change the name of the planet to (NOT DECIDED YET)The gods of Cieavelind believe that the darkness will come back once again and in order to prevent that they decided to guide all the creatures of the planet through the ways of light. There in the center of the planet’s massive continent they built the Heaven Gates of Cieavelind and that floats in the sky. Underneath is the City of Heaven Gates where human beings lives. The rest of the land of the continent was inhabited by the different creatures. The gods of Cieavelind warned the humans that they must protect the Heaven Gates to prevent the darkness from coming again to this planet.

 

[Binsu]

To be honest, the story looks good and all but:

If there is a place in the universe which darkness is immeasurable then there will always be a planet where the power of light is immeasurable.

In the other hand, if there is a place in the universe which darkness is immeasurable then there will always be a planet where the power of light is immeasurable.

This planet is Cieavelind where the most powerful gods of light lives.

This planet is called as Cieavelind where the most powerful gods of light lives (or you can use "dwells").

The gods of Cieavelind decided tp destroy the darkness of Voinethar as soon as possible.

to*

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These are some of your mistakes. Others lacks a coma which makes your sentence too much overflowing such as this:

There in the center of the planet’s massive continent they built the Heaven Gates of Cieavelind and that floats in the sky

There, in the center of the planet’s massive continent, they built the Heaven Gates of Cieavelind which floats in the sky.

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Anyways, it looks good and great job. Reps for the work!

 

[neo_sluf]

To be honest, the story looks good and all but:



In the other hand, if there is a place in the universe which darkness is immeasurable then there will always be a planet where the power of light is immeasurable.



This planet is called as Cieavelind where the most powerful gods of light lives.



to*

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
These are some of your mistakes. Others lacks a coma which makes your sentence too much overflowing such as this:



There, in the center of the planet’s massive continent, they built the Heaven Gates of Cieavelind which floats in the sky.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Anyways, it looks good and great job. Reps for the work!

Wow man your great thanks for the correction. +rep

 

[Austin Groves]

I re-wrote the story and fixed most of the grammatical, spelling and phrasing mistakes.

If there was ever a place in the universe where darkness was immeasurable, it would be the world of Voinethar. The planet where the most powerful evil creatures of all kinds reside. This place is the source of all the darkness in the entire universe, spreading it's dark energy throughout it and causing chaos and corruption to those worlds that are affected.

But if there was a place where darkness was immeasurable, then there will alwaysbe a planet where the power of light is immeasurable. This planet, Cieavelind, is where the most powerful gods of light live.

The Gods of Cievelind felt the darkness of Voinethar becoming stronger and stronger as it consumed more and more worlds in the universe. The Gods of Cievelind decided to destroy the darkness of Voinethar as soon as possible. The Gods sent their mightiest angels to Voinethar.

A great war between the good and evil raged in the lands of Voinethar. For hundreds of years, the most powerful evils were defeated and killed by the angels. Using all of their powers, the angels created a ritual that locked all the evil creatures into the abyss. The angels sacrificed themselves to remove every darkness in the universe, and after a time of peace and harmony comes. Voinethar is now an empty planet where no life can be found. The Gods of Cievelind decided to give life to this planet, and the time of creation begins.

Once the planet of darkness, Voinethar is now the planet full of life, peace and harmony. The Gods of Cievelind decided to change the name of the planet to (HAVEN?). But although the planet can feel the peace, the Gods believe that the darkness will return once again. In order to prevent that from happening, the Gods guided all the creatures of the planet through the ways of light. There, in the center of the planets' massive continent, the built the Heaven Gates of Cievelind and that floats in the sky. Underneath, is the City of the Heaven Gates where human beings lives. The rest of the land of the continent was inhabitaed by different creatures. The Gods warned the humans that they must protect the Heaven Gates to prevent the darkness from coming to this planet once again.

 

[neo_sluf]

I re-wrote the story and fixed most of the grammatical, spelling and phrasing mistakes.

If there was ever a place in the universe where darkness was immeasurable, it would be the world of Voinethar. The planet where the most powerful evil creatures of all kinds reside. This place is the source of all the darkness in the entire universe, spreading it's dark energy throughout it and causing chaos and corruption to those worlds that are affected.

But if there was a place where darkness was immeasurable, then there will alwaysbe a planet where the power of light is immeasurable. This planet, Cieavelind, is where the most powerful gods of light live.

The Gods of Cievelind felt the darkness of Voinethar becoming stronger and stronger as it consumed more and more worlds in the universe. The Gods of Cievelind decided to destroy the darkness of Voinethar as soon as possible. The Gods sent their mightiest angels to Voinethar.

A great war between the good and evil raged in the lands of Voinethar. For hundreds of years, the most powerful evils were defeated and killed by the angels. Using all of their powers, the angels created a ritual that locked all the evil creatures into the abyss. The angels sacrificed themselves to remove every darkness in the universe, and after a time of peace and harmony comes. Voinethar is now an empty planet where no life can be found. The Gods of Cievelind decided to give life to this planet, and the time of creation begins.

Once the planet of darkness, Voinethar is now the planet full of life, peace and harmony. The Gods of Cievelind decided to change the name of the planet to (HAVEN?). But although the planet can feel the peace, the Gods believe that the darkness will return once again. In order to prevent that from happening, the Gods guided all the creatures of the planet through the ways of light. There, in the center of the planets' massive continent, the built the Heaven Gates of Cievelind and that floats in the sky. Underneath, is the City of the Heaven Gates where human beings lives. The rest of the land of the continent was inhabitaed by different creatures. The Gods warned the humans that they must protect the Heaven Gates to prevent the darkness from coming to this planet once again.

Thanks man for the rewriting the story.+rep

 

[fladdermasken]

If there is a place in the universe which darkness is immeasurable then there will always be a planet where the power of light is immeasurable.

In the other hand, if there is a place in the universe which darkness is immeasurable then there will always be a planet where the power of light is immeasurable.

On the other hand, if there is a place in the universe in which grammatical errors are immeasurable then there will always be a planet where the blind are leading the blind.

 

[IamFootman061]

Nice. I'm looking forward for your project.