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Darkness Discovered

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In the year 840, mankind has found itself a new enemy. An enemy that's beyond anything they have ever encountered; an entity, a force, some might even call it just by referring to it as 'It'. It feeds on fear and terror, and it thrives on extermination, killing, and somehow, martyrdom.

It kills silently, and is often very silent in doing so. Those who have encountered 'it' have never lived to tell the tale, and those that have escaped from it, always forget about what they saw.

Eye-witness reports state that 'it' is intangible and "cold". Others say that it appears to be an unknown form of matter, taking the form of amorphous black shapes and structures. It is very difficult to observe, especially because it dissipates immediately when exposed to light.

Those brave enough to find 'it' and want to know more, are only so lucky as to return back to their homes, barely alive. But luckily, some researchers have discovered a way to get close to 'it' without being affected by its mysterious powers. That is by wearing a special suit that has been hallowed by priests, and of course has an internal flashlight that can repel 'it' when needed.

Also, on a side note, on that year, 840, humans have given 'it' a name: Night Terror, or NT for short.

Current Testing has been unable to tell if NT is organic or non-organic. Despite the lack of any visible nervous systems or observable organic components, NT displays behavior consistent with an active consciousness.

NT manifests in total darkness, and how this occurs in unknown. NT is capable of 'floating' and can alter it's density, allowing it to "pass through" every opening, large or small. It prefers dark and isolated locations in which to settle after it's initial formation and will remain there until it is "ready".

NT grows with the absorption of biological material. NT will “attack” living things by solidifying portions of itself and using these “appendages” to bludgeon, cut and crush subjects. The tracking and selection methods used by NT are currently not understood. Upon disabling a subject, NT will forcibly tear and crush tissue within the main mass until it is "absorbed".

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That's it for now, though I won't be making anything like this any time soon, because school starts soon. Really soon.

Oh and online dictionaries and search engines helped me a lot in the making of this short story, especially in finding synonyms and antonyms.


Thanks for reading :)
Feedback is appreciated, though must be constructive and reasonable, and may or may not contain more than 5 sentences in a paragraph, depending on the post.
 
Level 30
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Hmm, this looks like a continuation of your last story. By the way, story looks good and I can see you have a good grammar and you used some attractive and catchy word but what just makes me a bit feel "corny" to your story is the suit you pronounced...lol a suit with a Flashlight in it? You should change that to something more of a serious one. Even its weakness is light, it just feel a bit weird that a suit with a flashlight.

Well, this is my own opinion. =)
 
Level 5
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Dec 20, 2012
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I actually read it out loud with a "mysterious brittish narrator" voice. XD

Funny remarks aside, you have good orthography and grammar but the text lacks a certain "flow". Often words repeat themselves too often -there are 4 or 5 "NT"s in the last paragraph- and some sentences are redundant like "It kills silently, and is often very silent in doing so.". Finally, I feel the text has no narrative structure. It feels like a "investigation report", like the noting of events. It might be what you aimed for but still, in that case, I feel the endings lacks something.

"Practice makes perfect" they say, and that's true when it comes to writing. Keep doing it if you like to but always be as analitical and objective as possible with your own texts, and be open to criticism, good or bad.
 
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MasterTrainer said:
Those who have encountered 'it' have never lived to tell the tale, and those that have escaped from it, always forget about what they saw.
-snip-
Those brave enough to find 'it' and want to know more, are only so lucky as to return back to their homes, barely alive.

Correct me if I am wrong but these statements are quite contradictory, is it not?

MasterTrainer said:
It kills silently, and is often very silent in doing so.

A redundant sentence.

MasterTrainer said:
But luckily, some researchers have discovered a way to get close to 'it' without being affected by its mysterious powers(;) that is by wearing a special suit

I think a semi colon ( ; ) is much more fitting than a dot ( . ) or comma ( , ) for this sentence.
 
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