The Raid - A writing spurred by Boredom

[Nyren the Swift]

Ryan pulled out his MH-25* and loaded a new clip. Peter and James knelt beside him and loaded their own 25's. Danny and Steven were behind them, Danny had a M105 Sniper Rifle*, loved it to death and never put it down. Steven had a K7 Fast-Action Rifle*, and a radio strapped to his back.
"Sharpshooter in the tower; three guys on both the roofs, and about ten more in each of the large buildings." James had been spying on the village for about two hours before the rest of the raiding party had arrived, his dark eyes had purple sacs below them, he hadn't gotten sleep in days.
"Get Jake's party on the north side, and Victor's on the west. They cant go east or they'll enter The Chzekrick Zone*, and the river is too the south." Ryan was the raid leader, and gave the orders, he was tall, almost seven feet with bleach blonde hair and blue eyes, something randomly seen this far north.
"Sir, in about two hours they'll all be drunk and out-cold, shouldn't we wait till then?" Peter was a smart kid, thats why he was Ryan's second in command, he had saved Ryan on nearly three occasions from walking right into a explosive trap or into the line of fire of a enemy nest.
"Right, Steven spread the messages, two hours until attack, if theres still activity on that time, we abort for another two, after that we retreat with the sun." Steven set up the box against a tree and turned the knob, getting the frequency of the other officers radiomen.
Ryan closed his eyes and sat back on his ass, putting weight on his elbow too, he began to wait for the drunken idiots in the village to fall asleep.

*MH-25 is a automatic assault rifle similar to the AK-47 in look, feel and power. But with a bigger magazine and better heat-resistance, the barrel is also longer.
*M105 Sniper Rifle is similar to the M40 used by the USMC. The M105 is weaker and very common, but has a clip size of five instead of being a single shot.
*K7 Fast-Action Rifle reflects the Uzi in almost every way. But the clip is located just in front of the trigger, and the stock is set to rest against the shoulder, firing for longer ranges despite its size.
*The Chzekrick Zone is a radioactive area spawned from the Long War nearly fifty years ago. A simple step into the area without the proper protection will melt your skin from your bones and burn all the calcium in your body to a crisp.

Please leave constructive criticism. Anyway you could help me improve my abilities as a writer would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Draemiel]

I would suggest putting a semicolon in the third sentence:
"Danny and Steven were behind them; Danny had a M105 Sniper Rifle, loved it to death and never put it down."

In the fourth sentence the comma isn't needed, though I think it is preference.

Feels like you have a bunch of run-ons and a tense error after the first statement. Maybe change it like so:
"James had been spying on the village for about two hours before the rest of the raiding party had arrived. His dark eyes had purple sacs just below them; he hadn't slept in days."

After the second statement, I think you've got more run-ons and I think an error towards the end with the "randomly":
"Ryan was the raid leader and gave the orders. He was tall, almost seven feet with bleach blond hair and blue eyes; something rarely seen this far north.

Again, with the run-ons, and a bit of adjective confusion:
"Peter was a smart kid, and that's why he was Ryan's second in command; on several occasions he had saved Ryan from walking right into an explosive trap or into the line of fire of an enemy nest.

"Right" and it's following phrase don't fit together. Separate with a period rather than a comma. Also, for a list, use colons. And... radiomen? You mean radios?:
"'Right. Steven, spread the messages: Two hours until attack, if there's still activity on that time, then we abort for another two, after that we retreat with the sun.'"

Save cursing for what people say. Don't use them in an actual sentence. "Arse", "rear", "posterior" are all suitable substitutes. Same goes for insulting adjectives, unless it's a literal meaning. Replace "idiots" with "soldiers".:
"Ryan closed his eyes and sat down, leaning on his elbow, waiting for the drunken soldiers in the village to fall asleep."

One big note is that be more descriptive and use slightly "bigger" words. For example (I'm making a bunch of assumptions as to the surroundings and whatnot):
"Ryan un-holstered his MH-25 and slipped in a new clip. His hands twisted on the rifle's grips in anticipation, his eyes darting left and right, as he waited anxiously for James' report."