The Death

[Shadow Fury]

This is my first real try with poems. I must admit I always disliked poetry but in these days I had a strong desire of writing something with an elevated level of English, not the common style I normally use when commenting. I already created a hilarious poem before to mock our examiner and share a laugh with all the "victims" of exams but this time I created a serious poem about death. Forgive the unoriginal title, I focused more on the content itself. Enough talking, let's get to it. This is a poem where I say to a friend how death can be cruel with people and inevitable.

Listen, my friend, as the bitter symphony of death echoes
Contemplate as it crushes people's egos

The threat is imminent yet nobody knows
An atrocious malice thrives as fear grows

They can run, they can hide, but they cannot flee
Obscurity hounds them and they are no more free

Their forlorn hopes wane then vanish
Why hoping? Their fate will not be lavish

The nightmare shall begin to be their bane
All their struggles shall fade in vain

They blink for a moment then they no more exist
Everyone succumbs, nobody can resist

Death has come and none has survived
For it couldn't be shunned, it could only be embraced

Naturally, suggestions and opinions are very welcome. If you would like to recommend changes, I'd be happy to hear them (but no radical changes heh). Tell me what you liked/disliked. If the comments will be mostly positive, I may consider creating another poem.

 

[Daffa]

I find this oart :

The nightmare shall begin to be their bane
All their struggles shall fade in vain

Has an off with other partts, now, what's the off? The 2 lines doesn't end with same formation as other, while other parts end with an A-A formation, this ends with A-B formation.
I personally would change "fade in vain" with either "fade and wane" (not efficient imo) or "painfully fade"

Also, these could be changed :
of (1st line) -> from
no more (11th line) -> cannot/couldn't/can't

However, that's all rather taste. So come my taste sensitivity, but yeah, disregard them if you dislike them

Since, like most Death poem, I could grasp the message quite easily and for this one, I liked it, especially the second part :

The threat is imminent yet nobody knows
An atrocious malice thrives as fear grows

 

[Vengeancekael]

Neat! I see you master English quite well.

The flow's nice, as is the imagery. I hope you'll write&post more poems.

The only thing I'd prefer would be to leave out the notion of death itself and of the poem in general. Make it more obscure and let the reader put this and that together.
Your choice though.