The Chuck Norris Warcraft Jokes ^^

[Apheraz Lucent]

This is all custom made by me - from a ,,scratch"
Enjoy, and enlist your favorite!

1. Chuck Norris can Blink on unexplored terrain.
2. Chuck Norris isn't Magic Imune. He's Everything-Imune.
3. Chuck Norris' Silence is permanent.
4. Chuck Norris' Critical Strike crashes Warcraft - Such a huge number can't be displayed even on 256 x 256 maps.
5. Chuck Norris can hit invisible units with Fan of Knives without True Sight.
6. A Shockwave that is casted towards Chuck Norris goes backwards - it fears of Chuck Norris.
7. You can't edit Chuck Norris in World Editor. He edits you instead.
8. When you Hex Chuck Norris - he turns into Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris harvests all trees and gold mines with one single click.
10. Chuck Norris can freely overcap the food value.
11. Chuck Norris doesn't know what cooldowns are. All his spells are immediately refreshed.
12. Chuck Norris' Starfall and Tranquility are not channeling.
13. Chuck Norris can stack bash passives.
14. Chuck Norris can use multiple Orb Effects.
15. Chuck Norris' Slow Poison kills if target reaches 1 hp.
16. Chuck Norris can play Warcraft in Notepad.
17. Chuck Norris can create maps with 1024 x 1024 size.
18. Chuck Norris can write GUI in Jass scripts.
19. Chuck Norris' spells aren't MUI. Only Chuck Noris can cast them.
20. When Chuck Norris types ,,whosyourdaddy", a message is displayed: ,,you."
21. When Chuck Norris types ,,thereisnospoon", a spoon is created next to him.
22. If you try to remove Chuck Norris via triggers, your computer will explode.
23. Chuck Norris can Mount Archers, Sorceresses and Huntresses. They combine to Ch*I*ck Norris.
24. Chuck Norris can build on water.
25. Chuck Norris can have more than 6 items per hero.

User's Jokes:
-Peper-
26. When you trying to attack Chuck Norris, a message displayed "Not enough guts".
27. Chuck Norris does not decay, raise only.
28. Chuck Norris can make maximum size of the map become infinity.

Miss_Foxy
29. Chuck Norris can Charm heroes.
30. When a player selects Chuck Norris, he gets more than 12 units displayed on his unit group count.
31. Chuck Norris can gather food.
32. Chuck Norris can make the AI rage quit.
33. Chuck Norris' footsteps can be heard a game away.

Barathrum
34. If Chuck Norris gets knockbacked, he moves to the caster instead.
35. call RemoveUnit() returns an error if used on Chuck Norris
36. Chuck Norris can "call RemoveUnit" with Round Kick.

Darkness-4ever
37. When Chuck Norris uses Mirror Image, he creates real Chuck Norris's that are permanent.
38. Chuck Norris can't carry a Crown of Kings, because it is not good enough for Chuck Norris.
39. If you cast Invisible on Chuck Norris, he remains visible because no one tells Chuck Norris when to disappear.
40. Chuck Norris can Spell Steal Auras.
41. Chuck Norris is the one who took out Sargeras's eye and put it in the Sunken Ruins, he did it because Sargeras looked at him the wrong way.

killa95
42. The "Stop" command doesn't exist for Chuck Norris.
43. Chuck Norris is Unarmored with a 0 defense base. Why? He doesn't need armor.

 

[-Peper-]

lol!!
EDIT:
Okay, contributing:
1. Chuck Norris cannot collide with Pathing blockers.
2. Chuck Norris can destroy Undestuctible Doodads.
3. When Chuck Norris type "IseeDeadPeople", a message is displayed "That is you"
4. When you select Chuck Norris as model, his health automatically 9999999999hp.
5. When you trying to attack Chuck Norris, a message displayed "Not enough guts"
6. Chuck Norris does not decay, raise only.
7. Chuck Norris' spellbook can contain ALL spells.
8. While walking, any ground below Chuck Norris become Blight.
9. Chuck Norris' skin cannot be changed.
10. Chuck Norris can make maximum size of the map become infinity.
11. Chuck Norris' model is 9999999mb.
12. When trying to edit Chuck Norris, the Model Editor said "FUCK U!!"
13. Chuck Norris can build Undead Air Barge, Night Elf Battleship, and Human Transport ship on ground within 1 second.
14. Chuck Norris cannot take effect from Barrage, Fan of knifes, mana absorb, Faerie fire, and others.
15. Chuck Norris can write JASS in Microsoft Paint.

 

[Miss_Foxy]

This is the best thread I've seen in ages, lets contribute!

1. Chuck Norris can Charm heroes.
2. Chuck Norris can Teleport onto anywhere in the map.
3. When a player selects Chuck Norris, he gets more than 12 units displayed on his unit group count.
4. When Chuck Norris Teleports, he creates a hole on the ground and an earthquake following it.
5. Chuck Norris can build Gold Mines.
6. When Mountain Giants Taunt Chuck Norris, they run away.
7. When Chuck Norris gets Doomed, another Chuck Norris will spawn on his corpse.
8. Chuck Norris can gather lumber from Ancients.
9. Chuck Norris can kill units while sleeping.
10. Chuck Norris can gather food.

 

[Ironside]

1. If Chuck Norris gets knockbacked, he moves to the caster instead.
2. Warcraft 4 will be delayed, because they tried to included Chuck Norris
3. Chuck Norris can "call RemoveUnit" with Round Kick.
4. Warcraft 3 Excluded Chuck Norris, because the game would crash.
5. Chuck Norris is a Ground unit, an Air Unit and Amphibious at the same time.
6. Chuck Norris Knockback spells are without SFX.
7. Chuck Norris can Unsummon Units.
8. call RemoveUnit() returns an error if used on Chuck Norris
9. Chuck Norris can't be selected with GUI triggers. If you try JASS, it will be censored.

 

[Miss_Foxy]

1. Chuck Norris can drink the Fountain dry.

 

[Darkness-4ever]

Oh fun fun, my turn!
1. Chuck Norris isn't summoned by Altars, he summons the player's base to him.
2. Chuck Norris is is not hilighted when he approaches Mercenary Camps, he doesn't need backup.
3. When Chuck Norris uses Mirror Image, he creates real Chuck Norris's that are permanent.
4. When Chuck Norris wields Frostmourne, it stops hungering.
5. Chuck Norris is the reason why Sargeras won't come to Azeroth himself.
6. Chuck Norris can't carry a Crown of Kings, because it is not good enough for Chuck Norris.
7. When players try to maphack in a game against Chuck Norris, they lose vision of their own base, and can only see Chuck Norris as he rapes their base.
8. Blizzard tried to make the phrase 'Chuck Norris' banned from being used as a name for map Publishing in Starcraft II, only to find that Chuck Norris already beat them to it. (Sorry, not Warcraft but meh)
9. If Chuck Norris falls asleep in the game, all units fall asleep in the game.
10. If you cast Invisible on Chuck Norris, he remains visible because no one tells Chuck Norris when to disappear.
11. When enemy Blood Mages use Siphon Mana on Chuck Norris, their mana goes to Chuck Norris.
12. Chuck Norris is the one who took out Sargeras's eye and put it in the Sunken Ruins, he did it because Sargeras looked at him the wrong way.
13. When Chuck Norris kills a Hero with an Ankh of Reincarnation, the Ankh fails to activate because it knows better than to deny Chuck Norris his kill.
14. Chuck Norris can use Replenish from enemy Night Elf Moon Wells.
15. When Dreadlords use Inferno, Chuck Norris uses Rain of Chaos.
16. Chuck Norris can Transmute enemy Heroes.
17. Chuck Norris can Spell Steal Auras.
18. Chuck Norris can use Devour on Devourers.
19. If a Far Seer tries to use Chain Lightning on Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris bounces the lightning back at the Far Seer.
20. Chuck Norris's Starcraft II doesn't run on Battle.net 2.0, it uses the Battle.net from Warcraft 3 instead.

 

[Miss_Foxy]

1. Chuck Norris can make the AI rage quit.
2. Chuck Norris forces trees to give him lumber.
3. Chuck Norris caused Northrend to snow.
4. When an Orc Pillages from Chuck Norris (Even though it only works on Buildings), the Orcs lose gold.
5. Chuck Norris' footsteps can be heard a game away.
6. Chuck Norris swims in the Maelstrom.

 

[Narrat0r]

1. Chuck Norris can gank alone.
2. Chuck Norris' movespeed is bigger than the map.
3. Undead Chuck Norris can build outside Blight.
4. Chuck Norris was about to be a boss in Icecrown Citadel, but he was removed because he had only one attack: Roundhouse Kick. They thought it was a glitch; he told them it wasn't.
5. Chuck Norris can pick Roshan in DotA.

 

[MortAr]

1. Chuck Norris is a 70 y/o who is very likely to die within the next decade. When that time comes, I can then safely counter every Chuck Norris joke with "Chuck is fucking dead!".

 

[Narrat0r]

1. Chuck Norris is a 70 y/o who is very likely to die within the next decade. When that time comes, I can then safely counter every Chuck Norris joke with "Chuck is fucking dead!".

Not quite the right place to say that -_-

 

[Darkness-4ever]

1. Chuck Norris is a 70 y/o who is very likely to die within the next decade. When that time comes, I can then safely counter every Chuck Norris joke with "Chuck is fucking dead!".

Yeah, way to make an ass of yourself.

 

[Apheraz Lucent]

26. Chuck Norris can harvest gold from trees

 

[Lich Prince]

1. Chuck Norris is a 70 y/o who is very likely to die within the next decade. When that time comes, I can then safely counter every Chuck Norris joke with "Chuck is fucking dead!".

Just found myself a favorite.

 

[GhostThruster]

Add these

27. Chuck Norris made Arthas piss himself.
28. Chuck Norris made Archimonde shit himself.
29. Chuck Norris took a leak and re-submerged the Broken Isles.
30. Chuck Norris can milk male Tauren.

 

[killa95]

1. Chuck Norris is the reason Anubarak didn't follow Evil Arthas all the way to the Frozen Throne.
2. If Chuck Norris uses Starfall, not falling "stars", but instead an AC-130 fires at his enemies.
3. Chuck Norris can single-handedly rape a whole enemy base only with his machine gun.
4. You don't have to type whosyourdaddy if you have Chuck Norris. Coz Chuck has the "whosyourdaddy aura" which causes everybody around him become invincible superheroes.
5. You can't change Chuck's gun. Nobody tells him what to carry.
6. Chuck's roundhouse kick does 9999 damage per hit, not 2 mention his PKM machinegun
7. If you have mountain giants, NEVER use Taunt when near Chuck Norris.
8. The "Stop" command doesn't exist for Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris is unstoppable in DotA coz of his large damage.
10. Chuck Norris is Unarmored with a 0 defense base. Why? He doesn't need armor.

 

[Maker]

The liquid in healing potions is Chuck Norris' urine.

 

[Narrat0r]

The liquid in healing potions is Chuck Norris' urine.

I'm not putting THAT in my inventory ever again...

 

[Apheraz Lucent]

30. Chuck Norris can milk male Tauren.

That's just too much... perverse.

New event!
I selected the best jokes from several users and added them to the list
-Peper-, Miss_Foxy, Barathrum, Darkness-4ever and killa95 wrote the funniest jokes and they are all rewarded with +2 rep!

Thanks for contributing!

 

[GhostThruster]

Oh, dude! I didn't mean in that way.

 

[Zealon]

I got a few...

1. Chuck Norris is imune to damage.
2. Chuck Norris is imune to triggers.
3. Chuck Norris has a movment speed of one billion.
4. Chuck Norris has an armour total of one billion.
5. Chuck Norris has fifty pasives.
6. Chuck Norris has two hundred active abilities.
7. Chuck Norris walks with his arms, legs are for noobs.
8. Murlocs can swim in water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
9. Chuck Norris dosn't use the timer, HE desides what time it is.
10. When Chuck Norris enters chat, for safety reasons, everybody is kicked.
11. Chuck Norris can summon Arnold Schwarzenegger.
12. The Chuck Norris model is NOT a public resource.
13. The Chuck Norris model automaticly attacks any other units on the map.
14. The Chuck Norris model cannot be veiwed by mortals, if so, you explode.
15. The Chuck Norris minigun attachment CANNOT be attached to anything other than The Chuck Norris model, if you try it; again, you explode.
16. If you CnP Chuck Norris' face, and then upload it as an icon, the resource is instantly deleted, and you explode.

 

[Miss_Foxy]

1. Heroes are Chuck Norris' target practice boards.
2. When Sargeras saw Chuck Norris, he ran back to the Nether and shut the Portal.
3. Chuck Norris is the reason why Dryads have bodies of deer.
4. Chuck Norris uses the Fountain of Health as his toilet bowl.
5. Chuck Norris can make Force 1 join Force 2.
6. When Chuck Norris sneezed, Murlocs were created.
7. Chuck Norris bathes in Water Elementals and Disease Clouds.

 

[-Peper-]

10. When Chuck Norris enters chat, for safety reasons, everybody is kicked.

That refering to THW?

 

[Jaret]

1. Chuck Norris can walk over boundaries.
2. Chuck Norris can build structures on rocks.
3. When Chuck Norris is included in a map, there's no such thing as midnight/dawn/dusk. He tells what time it is.
4. Chuck Norris can morph into a Doomguard, Infernal, Demon hunter demon form, and a spider... at the same time.
5. Chuck Norris can kill a fountain in whatever map... with one hit.
6. The Ninja Turtles are based on a real story. Chuck Norris once devoured a whole dragon turtle, then days later shit it out, and when he shit the turtle out, the turtle was 1.70 m high and knew Karate.
7. Chuck Norris can build a Gryphon Aviary with only having a Town Hall.
8. If you pick Chuck Norris, there's no reason why to type in Allyourbasearebelongtous. You automatically win.
9. Chuck Norris can play with all 4 races at the same time.
10. Chuck Norris can heal structures with holy light ability.
11. Whenever Chuck Norris looks up to the sky, the sky begins sweating... some call that an Ashenvale rain (heavy).
EDIT: I will add more eventually.
Ok, this one I just had to write down:
12. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

 

[lexalex]

Chuck Norris's pet is Deathwing.
Chuck Norris originaly traped Ner'Zhul's soul into the Frozen Throne, but he gave all the credits to Kil'Jaeden
When the Scourge invaded Kalimdor they were after Chuck Norris, not after the World Tree, but he managed to escape
Chuck Norris can harvest all the gold and lumber on the map with a single click.
Chuck Norris created the Maelstrom.
Chuck Norris can play the Pandarean race.
Chuck Norris played Warcraft before Blizzard created it.
Chuck Norris can swim in lava without burning himself
Chuck Norris travelled to Draenor and back to Azeroth before the Portal was created
Chuck Norris can delay the Cataclysm
The Devil sold his soul to Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can do all dungeons and raids...all at the same time

 

[Apheraz Lucent]

Thread is becoming more live as time passes by! However there is a warning!

Please, do not post jokes that are same or similar to other's!

 

[Grey Nightmare]

When Chuck Norris hosts a game on BNet he doesn't kick/ban people he kills them.
He can host leaky maps without lag or key delay to <.<

Sorry if that's similar to another, I almost died laughing so had to stop reading after page 1..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You Whispered: Hello?
Chuck Norris Shouts: ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and lol this is a good one: Chuck Norris played Warcraft before Blizzard created it.

 

[GhostThruster]

Here comes Ghost with more overly vulgar Chuck Norris jokes...

1. Chuck Norris shat in the Sunwell, and immediately purified it
2. Chuck Norris can cannibalise live units.
3. Chuck Norris can Unstable Concotion ground units
4. Chuck Norris can burrow whilst in the air
5. (This one's an inside joke, if you know the Wow Paladin's spells and gay people) Chuck Norris can 'Turn' Undead
6. Chuck Norris can detect Hotkey pressing and releasing
7. Chuck Norris takes no space in transports.
8. Wanna know why the Titans ran from Azeroth like pussies? Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris can entangle and haunt gold mines.
10. Chuck Norris can mount every unit, but enjoys mounting Sylvannas the most.

 

[Vosty]

1. Chuck Norris can self cast holy light.
2. It is impossible to summon Chuck Norris at an altar. He summons the altar first, and never dies.
3. Chuck Norris never needs more burrows.
4. Chuck Norris is always Neutral Hostile.
5. Chuck Norris has a 60 slot inventory.
6. Chuck Norris makes banshees cry.
7. One time, Chuck Norris round house kicked so hard, that a portal opened up and the orcs came from Outland.

This is honestly just a clever thread.

 

[Icedrake]

Chuck Norris put the "War" in Warcraft.
The Lich King checks under his throne every night for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't need the "Rage" skill to get mad. He already is.
Chuck Norris really has permanent immolation, because he told it to cost 0 mana.

 

[Miss_Foxy]

1. Chuck Norris uses Paladins as toilet paper.

 

[GhostThruster]

No offense, but that joke doesn't make sense, not even to the guys who laugh at everything.

 

[Lich Prince]

None of these jokes make sense.

 

[Apheraz Lucent]

Still, it's funny to us, Warcraft Geeks x)

,,Chuck Norris can Unstable Concotion flying units"
And I am quite sure that it can actually only be cast upon flying units.
,,Chuck Norris can mount every unit, but enjoys mounting Sylvannas the most."
And I am sure that I've mentioned that I don't want multiple jokes about one thing :3

Still, I found others more or less funny.

 

[GhostThruster]

Whoops! My mistake! Sorry, I meant ground units :] - stupid me.

The second one, I didn't find another joke similar to that one. Some of the jokes were funny and make sense, '42. The "Stop" command doesn't exist for Chuck Norris.', but I just don't see the humour of using a Paladin to wipe your ass.

Well, just ignore me and continue posting.

@Apheraz Lucent: Are you still mad at me about the male Tauren thing? I didn't mean it that way!

 

[OrangeAngel]

Im sorry this isnt Wc3 but someone has to say it

1. Chuck Norris doesnt have to construct additional pylons
(i believe i saw something bout burrows but someone has to say something about pylons.

 

[Apheraz Lucent]

What's a pylon? :S

Oh, Ghost, I'm not mad, I just don't want 100 jokes around one subject. Be creative :3

 

[JetFangInferno]

1. Chuck Norris can build on top of buildings.

 

[GhostThruster]

Pylons are Protoss buildings from SC1 and 2. They do some special teleporty shit(I dunno what they do, I'm not a fan of SC) and they look like giant cyan crystals.

 

[Fussiler1]

Medivh is the secret alt of Chuck-o.

 

[Darkness-4ever]

Battle.net styled jokes now
1.Chuck Norris owns the only legitimate Battle.net account that has Space in it, its named Chuck Norris.
2.It doesn't matter what game you look at Chuck Norris's name from, a person on Diablo and a person from Warcraft 3 looking at Chuck Norris's account in channel will not see an @ after his name, nothing and no one tells Chuck Norris where he logged in at.
3.Chuck Norris is the channel operator of all channels and the Chieftain of all Warcraft 3 clans.
4.People who enter Chuck Norris's channels are more afraid of being kicked than being banned, for his kicks hit them through their monitor.
5.The reason why you don't see Icecrown Citadel in the background when your online is because Chuck Norris obliterated its online version for trying to look more epic than Chuck Norris.
6.Chuck Norris is the only visible account in the channel The Void.

 

[Maker]

Guess what happened here?

Answer

He tried to understand how awesome Chuck Norris is.

 

[Crayons]

1. When a Kodo Beast devours Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris devours the Horde(except Varok Saurfang)and the kodo beast
2. Chuck Norris' sight range is 99999999, that means he sees you.
3. Chuck Norris roundkicks an enemy unit out of your monitor
4. A Paladin healed Chuck Norris, the Paladin died of a seizure. It turns out, Chuck Norris doesn't need no weakling heals
5. A round kick of Chuck Norris can turn all your values to negative.
6. Chuck Norris can bring Starcraft 8 to Warcraft
7. Chuck Norris eats mortar and eats flak

 

[GIANT_CRAB]

1. Chuck Norris can only Chuck himself inside Norris.
2. Chuck Norris got a 1% handicap but still wins you. You know why? Because your not Chuck Norris.
3. Chuck Norris got a movement speed of 523.
4. Chuck Norris can't cluck like a chicken, he can only Chuck like Norris.
5. When Lich King saw Chuck Norris, Lich King froze up.
6. Chuck Norris can't pwn the everyone in warcraft but he can pwn everyone in the whole world.

 

[Apheraz Lucent]

The Hiveworkshop donated money to Chuck Norris x)

 

[Crazed_seal2]

When Chuck Norris Comes into play, all cheats are enabled for you, but you still lose.
2.When Chuck Norris is Displayed on Screen, you video card crashes because it doesn't have enough memory to show him.
3. When Chuck Norris uses round house kick, you computer has the blue screen of Death forever.

 

[-Peper-]

1. Firelord burned to skeleton because of Chuck Norris.