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Mi Songo

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Level 19
Joined
Jul 19, 2006
Messages
2,307
I like to think that I can make a song that won't suck, even though I really don't think anyone else will agree with me. Here it goes:

I call it "Fat Camp"

I like ice cream on my plate
I try to get past the gate
Fat Camp is way too damp
Barricades eight inches high
We desperately need a ramp
If I climbed to the top
I think I would drop
All we get to eat here is glop
All the diets I have fought
Just to get a spot
At the lunch line
That's all I got
A spot to get glop
AT FAT CAMP!!!
x2

I think that's the best song ever... no I'm not fat, but it helps to encourage those who are!
 
Level 7
Joined
Feb 12, 2006
Messages
291
Too vague. Horrible story telling. It's all disjointed etc.

I'm going to stick a pin inside your ego balloon and say that was bad. ~_~
 
Level 21
Joined
Mar 18, 2007
Messages
2,247
I agree with JarradKO. You're song doesn't really flow too well through the whole thing. There doesn't seem to be much of a rhythm to it, but I like the idea


I added in some words to make it flow. It's still rough, but I think it's a little better
____________________________
I like to get ice cream on my plate
I try to get past the darn gate
Oh, Fat Camp is just way too damp
Those barricades that are just so high
We oh so desperately need a ramp
And If I managed to climb to the top
I think I would just fall and drop

All we get to eat is glop
And all the diets I have fought
All of it just to get a spot
At the lunch line
That's all I got
A spot for glop
AT FAT CAMP!!!
x2
 
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