"Macbeth" The poem

[Jsprat100]

Three hags met upon the heath,
To speak to brave and valient macbeth,
He would soon be a glorious monarch,
But his deeds couldn't be more dark,

Duncan laid defenseless in his bed,
Whilst Macbeth bludgeoned his head,
Malcolm fled to Edwards palace,
Macbeths head was full of malice,

Banquo was father to Fleance, hope,
Macbeth was paranoid, he couldn't cope,
Murderers he hired, one, two, three,
Assinated Banquo, but Fleance did flee,

Hecate, the godess of witchcraft,
Let out her evil and cackling laugh,
The three hags proclaimed more than enough,
Beware Thane of Fife, Beware MacDuff,

Macbeth knew MacDuff was in his way,
The murders were ready to make him pay,
All they could find were Lady and Lad,
They would do, surely, for the king so bad

Malcolm struck back with MacDuff at his side,
With armies of English and Scottish he resides,
An open siege and assault on Macbeths fortress,
The bloodiest thing ever seen in young Iverness,

It all became to much for dear Macbeth,
His Riches turned to Rags, his wife accepted her death,
MacDuff stormed in, as the king stood in fear,
And impaled Macbeths head on his very spear,

Malcolm was king, Macbeth was dead,
His pride in tatters, his gold turned to lead,
Malcolm set to work rebuilding his home,
But first, to the corination, in the glorious Scone!


Shakespeare. Father of the English language. Its a shame that all of his work has been put to one side as Americanisms and Slang Terms have come into play. Its sad really. The last thing I need is another thing to be irritated at.

 

[Fussiler1]

This poem has

Story
Nice description
But some grammar faults.

 

[Alkonis]

Duncan laid defenseless in his bed,

Should be:

Duncan lay defenseless in his bed,

And "assinated" in the third stanza should be "assassinated." There's also a missing apostrophe in the last line of the next-to-last stanza.

It would be nice to see some more definitive rhythm and structure to this. It just seems like a string of phrases and clauses strung together in stanzas and lines.

 

[ike_ike]

Wellll. For a guy obsessed with English you aren't showing much proficiency in it. Apostrophes, unnecessary capitals, missing articles. And you're trying way too hard to make lines rhyme. The rhythm is completely screwed up.

 

[mjllonir]

Ike_Ike has a point. The rhythm isn't very good...Being myself a freehand writer, the point of a poem is to express yourself in many ways, and a poem doesn't need a specific rhyme scheme. Heck, a poem could have no rhymes at all, as long as you get a message across .

And just for the record, I don't like how you took an idea from one of Shakespeare's plays, it just doesn't seem right .

Anyhow, besides that it is a rather nice poem, and be careful on your english .

Mjllonir