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Absolution

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This is just some concept I have that I'm fleshing out alot for the sake of doing it. The plot is very particular to the hero and the villians for lack of a simpler word.

Aaron stood at a gaping maw of earth. It screamed out of the pain of years and ages but yet a sense of calmness surrounded it. His dark leather armor was ragged and his sheath was pockmarked with holes. Somehow a feeling of what might happen overwhelmed him, but he was compelled forward by his own desire. As he slowly walked into the cave he was greeted with darkness thus prompting a torch. The light flickered on the walls and outcroppings of rock, giving the shadows a malignant appearance. The faint dripping of water sent a chill up his spine but he resisted this compulsive desire to flee and walked on. A shuffling so small and acute that no human could hear stiffened his body in a poised position. His scarred elven ears detected more faint traces of movement but carefully stood still. The long straight scar on his right cheekbone seemed to emnate darkness instead of being a pale white. The movement increased, and Aaron pulled free his elegant sword from its ragged sheath and dropped the torch upon the damp surface of the cave, extinguishing it. In the few moments his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, he picked up shapes not common of rocks. He heard the twang of an arrow being pulled back and instinctivly ducked towards the ground, feeling it pierce his shoulder as he prepared for the maneuver. He lost his footing and fell on the ground face down causing the arrow to completely pierce his shoulder. His arm felt torn apart as he tried to move it. He felt around for his sword on the damp ground but felt nothing, as the figures came forward. The air parted as a blade swung down on his calf, feeling pain shoot through his entire leg. The pain felt unbearable as another swing of a more blunt object hit his head, and he slowly drifted into unconsciousness.


Aaron woke to a damp, cold and dimly lit dungeon cell. Searing pain exploded through his shoulder and leg giving him the tell tale sign he was alive, but chained to the wall. A flickering light slowly illuminated the room, bringing to bear the more important features, such as the torture tools. As the light grew, shadows started to appear. The cell door light up with light as the shadows turned into figures, all elven. Aaron reached through his mind for any of his brethren that would go after him and came up blank. The creaking of the cell door swing open beheld his captors, Elves of Dafinall. . . .


Dafinall Elves were known for torturing the ones they capture to the point of insanity, unless of course you were needed sane. The lead elf spoke in a raspy voice "Well it seems the Armada will be pleased to know we found another of your kind for their, 'project.' It looks like you are doomed to their much more refined methods of torture then ours. But none the less, they have allowed us to torture you until they can inspect your strength." He grabbed a knife off the table with symbols marked in blood upon the blade. Carefully he pushed it into his good arm, avoiding any arteries and veins, and cut downwards making sure to avoid anything that could kill him. Pain exploded through Aaron's arm, yet he could not speak out. Blood dripped down his arm as his tried to resist the next cut, this time in his chest, much more shallow and careful. It too avoiding anything major and brought immense pain throughout his body. Both wounds felt as if they were filled with salt. Carefully wiping the blade clean, the leader cut across the cheek that held the scar, doing the same to both, yet obliviously cutting across the scar. The crimson blood seeping out of the wound turned pitch black, and the dungeon was cloaked in darkness. Screams filled the room as that blade used for torture was instead used for slaughter. The chains were broken cleanly, removing any possible hindrance, and the knife dropped to the ground, covered in the blood that was now seeping onto the cold gray stone. The sound of a sword slithering from its sheath resembled what was to come. Aaron was not afraid. . .


Aaron stood up straight, sword in hand. He felt the fresh air of freedom blow upon his face. The fortress was at least two or three leagues away. The enviroment seemed to be calm as the cliff face ahead of was foreboding and blank. He carefully inspected his should for any sign of damage, but nothing came up. It seemed that the scar itself healed his wounds, but why? He carefully looked around and spotted that same identical cave he was captured in. He, knowing that it might be a mistake to return, walked into it. The same cold gray stone greeted him, and yet something was out of place. He walked further inwards, allowing his eyes to adjust to his surroundings and detected nothing but distant dripping water and his own two feet. After descending into the darkness he started to get this sense that the cave was not right. He pulled his own sword free from its sheath and walked further into the tunnel. He suddenly felt a sharp pain in his restored shoulder and looked at it carefully. Blood was dripping out of it, as if it was still injured. The blood dripping stopped along with the pain but Aaron was troubled by this. He walked even further and something else caught his attention, the soft breathing of numerous figures. Tightening his grip on his sword, he looked around carefully, picking out no shapes but the stone around him. He suddenly felt the cold blade of a longsword at his throat, and spoke in his hoarse unused voice "So, I guess you guys found me again. But remember, being a part of Dafinall means all the more slaughter."
The elf with his blade at Aaron's throat spoke, "We are not of Dafinall, we are of the Armada you fool. Resisting escape will only result in more torture then our plans say. And if you dont want to help us, we will force you to, so we can, end the war on favourable terms."
"Well then, I hope you dont get disappointed," he replied as he stabbed the elf with the sword at his neck with a small dagger. The sword was released, and he spinned around and decapitated the dark elf with ease. Something suddenly hit him in the head and he was yet again unconscious. . .


Edit 1: School typing, will add more
Edit 2: Part 2 Finished
Edit 3: Part 3 Introduced and Finished
Edit 4: Part 4 Introduced
Edit 5: Part 4 Finished
 
Last edited:
Level 9
Joined
Aug 23, 2007
Messages
465
Oh. Very interesting. I like the description and the way you described everything so vividly.

A few suggestions. You could maybe space it out a bit with paragraphing and commas as well. Also you should maybe try describing his surroundings a bit more. What the stone feels like beneath his feet and maybe what it looks like. Is it a gray stone or a stained limestone.

I'd say a 4.5/5
 
Level 7
Joined
Nov 4, 2008
Messages
366
This is good actually but it kinda felt a bit too well-worded. Almost as if you were trying to sound super smart and very well versed in language. But of course you could really be but still. Maybe tone down the "flavor" words a bit :D

Interesting story though!:p
 
Level 4
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Mar 25, 2008
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Actually, the scar is a symbol of what he's been forced to hold since birth, it will keep him alive when responded with enough stimuli, mainly when it is endangered. So technically the energy actually freed him from the chains and then forced him to kill the three figures in the cage. I'm gonna redo the last sentence though, it just seems atrocious.
 
Level 9
Joined
Aug 23, 2007
Messages
465
ok, you definitely have talent with writing. Your very good with vocabulary and you are good at making the idea for a story. but one thing I would advise you to do is reread your writing. You should print out your work or just read it on the computer, but read it to yourself a few times and look for parts that don't make since or things that need to be changed. Also read it out loud. This should help you catch more mistakes and parts that are out of place.

Also something I found confusing is, who is narrating the story? I first thought it was The main elf Aaron, but on the last few sections it's mentioning his name and what he is doing, making it seem like someone else is telling the story that are watching the events unfold.
 
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