[Evil] Writing Contest - The Mad King's Assault

[Vladadamm]

I'm in.
Is it allowed that we describe how the assault should be organised ? I mean, the assault is coming soon and The Mad King do a reunion with his lieutenants about his tactical plan.
Also, can we do Theater/Dialogs ?

 

[David]

WiP


" The all mighty lord of lord's,king of king's, god of god's and leader of leader's has made a plan to assault the weak and pity elves.The elves have a weak wooden little garbage can unlike The Mad king's big fortress,so the assault will be easy,simple but deadly!While the poor elve slaves and the poor little santa are making stupid toys,the mad king has commanded that we burn their little poor garbage can and raid them. The mad king knows that the weak minded santa would run,so he demanded that some of his survants and folowers await at the wood. While the poor little santa with no pant's is running in the wood screaming "Help" the survent's at the wood will jump to him. Then The all mighty Mad King shall laugh and offer him to a duel."

 

[Paillan]

WIP-Assault of santas workshop

First, the mad king send us too open the old rusty portals, that were confined, and too remake the place were they teleport you, too the north pole, it was a difficult work, but after some days, we made it, them, Scouters
at the comand of Paillan Demon minion, the less productive human here, but the most tactician, came after 1 week whit information for out troops, David, the fool human that could not make my real, was them send too make a base camp, which mean too him too fight whit no demons or minions, so santa dind´t suspect what was happening- The mad king´s asault progress notes

O yeah I am in.

 

[Da Fist]

Joining like a mad servant ( nyahahaha ! )!

Da Fist's WiP

" Is everything ready? " the Mad King impatiently tapped his chair. " Yes sire. " I answered. " Very well, Fist. " he replied, stepping down the gravel floor, with each of his steps echoed in the walls. " On this day, my dear minions, we shall destroy that old man's workshop once and for all" his voice thundering the hall, making us squirm slightly. He halted near the spell circle, which beamed up with the Mad King's power. He placed his foot on the circle, and it turned into a dark red aura. He took out his staff, then conjured a dangerous fire pillar that circled the hall. He looked at me exponentially, and I smiled briefly as he ordered to me, " Let's bring down the Workshop " .

A hectic hour that was! With the Mad King's power running in my veins and the temperature heating up the room, I barely controlled the energy he passed on to me , but with careful precautions, I opened up the Gate of Oblivion. This Gate of Oblivion, were the seal of black magic. But we barely opened a little piece of the gate. With Mad King's power, we can open the gate even further, to grant us more power. The Mad King chanted furiously to control the power bestowed upon him, while we staggered to hold the gate ajar. " Lo-Lord! " I stammered, " It is finished! ". The portal of Santa's Workshop is open.

It all happened in an instant. The Mad King opened the Gate farther than we planned, leaving the Workshop burning with our magics. Not more than minutes later, it was finished. Fire and clicks of failing mechanisms whispered in the silent defeat. " Lord. We spared the elves just as you ordered " I said. " Good. " my King replied. " Bring them here. " he ordered. So it happened. There were 207 of them. " Now Santa's servants. Rise and serve the King once more. " he spoke. What? I thought. Moments after, the elves transformed into imps, a demonic spawn with tiny bat wings, sharp teeth and claws. They cackled in the night, making the Mad King say " Now, let us hunt down my enemy. Santa. "

 

[Paillan]

Second WIP-Assault of santas workshop

I must agree, David made his work good, now we have a base in north pole, and that fat oldie thinks it was just a coincidence, he sended some poor elves too make diplomacy, but Paillan killed them and that oldie will never found their corpses, so he will think a bear killed them. Now I sended Juno undercovered, since he done a proud work for my, now he spies santa as another elf, yet, he hasn´t found a weak point in his defenses, but its just a matter of time...-The mad king´s assault progress notes.

 

[David]

How cute of you!

 

[Vladadamm]

Nice, we're all doing different parts of the assault :
- Da Fist is doing the assault from his point of view.
- Paillan is doing a general cover with the mad king's notes.
- I'm working on the plan and a reunion just before the start of the assault.
- David, i don't know yet on what you're working exactly, but it could be nice if you do everything from a self point of view (such as Da Fist) and if you were one of those guys in the woods.

We could do things kinda "together" and make it as if it was an unique story. For example, Paillan could talk about things from other texts and add them to his notes, while i plan things you're talking about in your texts. What do you guys think about that idea ? It would increase the roleplaying a lot and we'll pwn those little unorganized elves easily.

Also, some errors i saw in your texts :
David, you don't always add a space after "," "." and such things. Also, your start is a bit boring "the all mighty..." Shorten it except if you're planning on a subjective point of view of a guy that is really devoted. You do many repetitions "The Mad King" especially, so search for other words, "he" is simple but you still need some other words to find. "the poor elve slaves" -> it's "elves". "survants and folowers" -> "servants and followers". "with no pant's" -> "without pants". "lord of lord's,king of king's, god of god's and leader of leader's" -> "lord of lords, king of kings, god of gods and leader of leaders". "the survent's" -> "servants"
Da Fist, you could make dialogs in Italic or something like that as it is hard to read atm. Except that, it seems okay.
Paillan, you put "too" instead of "to" x) "send us too" -> "send us to", "too the pole north" -> "to the pole north", etc... "Too" means "overly". "were they teleport you" Where for a place, and also shouldn't it be "us" at end ? Also, "them" is He/She/It if you talk about multiple persons, i think you want to say "then". It's not "whit" but "with" and for this part : "whit no demons" -> "without demons" (without if there's none). "comand" has two "m" and not only 1. "for out troops" you mean "for our troops", right ? "sended" -> "sent" (irregular verb). "since he done" -> "since he has done" or "since he did".

 

[Bernkastel]

I'm gad that you pointed out all those mistakes.

And from my personal point of view, I really like Vlad's idea of how you should be tell this story.

 

[Vladadamm]

The Mad King's Plan - WIP n°1 :

Peoples : The Mad King, Vladadamm, Paillan, David, Da Fist (Feist ?), maybe some others ?
Plan :
- Juno is infiltrated. He made the deers disappear to counter any escape attempt by the air way.
- David will lead a group in the wood to block any escape and take back the factory.
- Paillan will lead a small group to breach enemies defense. He's also in charge of the Mad King's personal notes.
- The Mad king will lead the main army and cover Paillan's team.
- Da Fist (Feist ?) will conjure the seal of black magic using the powers the Mad King gave him so that he would be able to control an army of skeletons, to help them.
- Vladadamm will protect the army from the wizard elves' attacks.

I wrote the basics of the plan, i'll need to complete it and then to write the dialogs and parentheticals.
Need to find some more ideas. What about a little captured elf who came here and wasn't killed by Paillan ?

 

[Amargaard]

Although you are all naughty kids, I support Vlad's great idea. It would be pretty awzum to have you running the same story from different point of views

 

[David]

Awesome Vladadamm simply you are awesome!I will delete all I wrote!

 

[David]

Can I start with the story ?

Edit:Actually no I have to be last to kill Santa

 

[David]

Here is my second wip fully re newed!


From the first snow, we the evil ones had hate floating in our blood. Our wise King The Mad king had already made the " Anti Santa " plan. The Horde of Evil is in different groups! My friends from when I was little training to kill and command for the evil, Juno, Paillan, Da Fist, Vladadamm and I have been chosen to lead The Mad Kings army'es! I was chosen to lead the army in the wood that will ambush Santa when he will be running from the Evil. The Mad King was leading the big army that will go directly to the Santa's Castle gate. It was truly cold, we the Evil one's were trained in the undergound lava dungeons. But we resisted that. After an hour waiting in the wood, I climbed a cliff and commanded my army to wait... " Guy's please tell me what you think for this second wip.

 

[Bernkastel]

Honestly?

 

[David]

Offensive ! ;_;

 

[Bernkastel]

Why would I hide behind a shroud that has been woven from nothing but lies?

 

[Vladadamm]

army'es -> armies

Here is the list of guys that are in Evil Side at the moment :
- The Mad King+
- David+
- Paillan+
- Da Fist (Feist in the story ?)+
- Vladadamm+
- Legion_King+
- sonofjay+
- z.ky+
- VeljkoM+
- Hell_Master
- APproject
- Sin'dorei300
- Alagremm
- Gen Bloodhorn

We should add most of them in the global story (for example, you can add one of those with you in the story).
Those with a + are the ones who sent at leasts WiPs in the different contests (so, better roles in the story if possible).

 

[David]

Thanks that would be awesome!

 

[Legion_King]

Aye, I demand a fitting role.

 

[kari0003]

VejkoM and Alagremm are cultists, they dont fight on the mad king's side. Just sayin

 

[Legion_King]

Good point.

 

[Vladadamm]

What role do you want ?

Also, here's my WiP n°2 :

Characters in the scene : The Mad King, Vladadamm, Paillan, David, Da Fist (Feist)
The scene takes place in the commandment tent of The Mad King's army. Vladadamm, Paillan, David and Da Fist (or Feist ? cause in his text he wrote Feist) are around a table, waiting for The Mad King.


(The Mad King enters the piece and takes place with the others.)
TMK : As you already know, we will pass the assault shortly. Paillan, bring me my notebook.
(Paillan takes a little book and give it to The Mad King.)
Paillan : Here it is, sire.
(The Mad King opens it.)
TMK : So, I sent Juno in Santa's factory 2 days ago as a disguised elf. He killed the Santa's deers to prevent any escape, but in his last message, he said that there was another exit. There is an hidden tunnel that goes from the factory directly to the woods, but the entry is blocked and can only be opened from the inside.
(Pausing briefly and looking at everyone's)
TMK : The plan is simple. We should block them inside the factory and surround them. No survivants and don't forget, Santa is mine.

 

[Legion_King]

Well any role that fits the size, as in that drawing of mine. Could deal with some... army of elves maybe.

 

[David]

Awesome wip Vladadamm!

 

[Paillan]

I am sorry for my bad english...
Let´s see if i pass the PET exams xD

WIP-Assault of santa´s workshop

Well, Juno, said us a group of fool humans, are also in santa´s base, but we don´t think they have any power, Juno has to test them first thought.
Meanwhile, AProject, my glorius general, was sent to Oblivion, to convince old friend, so they join my battle, they are the most powerfull demons, so when they arrive the north pole, Santa will die...-The mad king´s assault progress notes

Also a disclaimer, mad king´s progress notes are not written by my, his servant, hi writtes it by himself, and them sent them too my so i publish them in them magic fire, so all servants now whats happening (this place is the magic fire.)

 

[Vladadamm]

Let's just say you're organizing his notes and that you keep it ^^'.

Still some errors :
It's APproject and not AProject. "said us a group of fool humans" sounds a bit weird, "told us about a group of fool humans" would be better (you'll need to change "are also" to "which is also"). "glorius" -> "glorious", "to convince old friend" -> "to convince an old friend", "porwefull" -> "powerful".

Legion's King (yes, Legion's King now), i fund a role for you. You'll lead your Legion and fight with The Mad King on the main front.

The Mad King's Plan - WiIP N°3

List of people and what they do (in the plan) :
- Juno is infiltrated. He made the deers disappear to counter any escape attempt by the air way.
- David will lead a group in the wood to block any escape and take back the factory.
- Paillan will lead a small group to breach enemies defense. He's also in charge of the Mad King's personal notes.
- The Mad king will lead the main army and cover Paillan's team.
- Da Fist (Feist) will conjure the seal of black magic using the powers the Mad King gave him so that he would be able to control an army of skeletons, to help them.
- Vladadamm will protect the army from the wizard elves' attacks.
- Legion_King will lead his legion and cover The Mad King's left side
- sonofjay
- z.ky
- VeljkoM
- Hell_Master
- APproject, general, went to Oblivion to convince Legion's King, when he'll be back he'll cover the right side of The Mad King.
- Sin'dorei300
- Alagremm
- Gen Bloodhorn

Characters in the scene : The Mad King, Vladadamm, Paillan, David, Da Fist (Feist)
The scene takes place in the commandment tent of The Mad King's army. Vladadamm, Paillan, David and Da Fist (or Feist ? cause in his text he wrote Feist) are around a table, waiting for The Mad King.
(The Mad King enters the piece and takes place with the others.)
TMK : As you already know, we will pass the assault shortly. Paillan, bring me my notebook.
(Paillan take a little carnet and give it to The Mad King.)
Paillan : Here it is, sire.
(The Mad King opens it.)
TMK : So, I sent Juno in Santa's factory 2 days ago as a disguised elf. He killed the Santa's deers to prevent any escape, but in his last message, he said that there was another exit. There is an hidden tunnel that goes from the factory directly to the woods, but the entry is blocked and can only be opened from the inside.
(Pausing briefly and looking at everyone's)
TMK : The plan is simple. We should block them inside the factory and surround them. No survivants and don't forget Santa is mine.
David : Seems a bit too easy, but we're not enough to encircle them.
TMK : This won't be a problem, i sent APproject in Oblivion. He will bring back the Legion's King here and Santa won't stand a single chance against our union. Each of them will cover one of our main army's sides.
Vladadamm : Seems legit. But what will we do during the fight ?

 

[kari0003]

I think i will join this (uninvited ) on Santa's side. I will work on an alternative escape plan, which could also be the way to replace the !killed! reindeers, and save Christmas this year.

 

[Bernkastel]

Don't be silly. You can't join a contest meant for the evil ones. There's a writing contest for the ones that are allied with Santa aswell. There has been no real activity there though.

 

[kari0003]

Yeap, my entry will be on the good side, but i will be careful to fit the story to the attack they are planning. This way, i can show another point of view of the battle.

 

[David]

Nice job Vladadamm

 

[Vladadamm]

You don't know about our plans while we know about yours as we have our spy.

 

[kari0003]

I can know about your plans trough the unrevealed forces of Santa -like The Sentinels. I dont want this battle to be one sided, but i will fight fair.

 

[David]

in my story I will cut your head off kari

 

[Paillan]

David, don´t be proud, you still keep thinking that humans have no powers, i will tell you, what Juno´s inform says:

Still WIP-Assault of santa´s workshop

We were wrong about that humans, it seems like they have more power than we tought, Juno informed us that Kari is an engineer that works for santa, meaby he nows a better way to take santa out of the battle.
The other humans, Alagremm and Bernkastel, are a group of cultist that wan´t too destroy Christmas, to ascend a new celebration, a mythical based one we know its called R'lyehmas, but that´s the only thing that we manage to know. Juno also telled us that they won´t join our army, worse for them-The mad king´s assault progress notes-

 

[Bernkastel]

Human..? .. Human?
Neehehee~ Amusing.

 

[kari0003]

David, your stories sound a bit childish, "The Big Mighty Mad King beats the poor ol' santa"
Like a big boy beats the smaller, just because he has better toys to play with. You need to find a real motive for the Mad King!

Also, i wrote some of our defense, so you could write your story according to that

 

[VeljkoM]

I always thought mad Kings motive was because he didn't get the gift he always wanted or because every bad guy once must try to ruin christmas.

 

[David]

Kari, why not read my second wip ? The first wip does not COUNT! I have fully renewed my story!

 

[kari0003]

Gotta tell, your second wip is quite awesome, i couldnt tell that its not a continuation of the first wip. If you go along with that style, you can write a good story

 

[Vladadamm]

Paillan, nice one. Also you write "now" instead of "know"

 

[Paillan]

Large WIP-Assault of santa´s workshop

The mad king ordered my to puch things up so i have to write more. First, David gone to the forest to early, and now the mad king is just so angry that he killed a great group of pour minions whit one hand. Also AProject thinks that if we fall, David will be exiled to the void, which is the worst penalty that the mad king uses over his servants. Juno told us that the elves started moving, also that Kari is seaching fo the spy, so him, and his place inside the workshop is in danger, he has too hide from a brutal orc, he won´t send us any more information until he thinks thay don´t seach anymore for him, from now we will have to imagine what santa is doing. Also i have now an other task given, which is to put the soldiers into a hard training inside a glacial cave, so the resist elven ice magic. I still haven´t see other servants, which makes me think they have betrayed the mad king, because they had fear, but i prefer it so, the mad king said if all ends good for us, i will get more power. Also, the Legion king is almost done whit his servants. Another problem is that traitor VeljkoM, that joined the cult of R'lyehmas, since he had much information of us, meaby somebody else should enter the workshop and deals whit him, since Juno last inform telled us he was there whit the other cultists. And of course he has to hive for now -Mad king´s assault progress notes-

 

[Bernkastel]

That's what we are known as?
Yog-Sothoth will be most displeased.
*Sighs*

 

[VeljkoM]

Mistress Barnkastel I think its time to teach them all who we worship. Masses must be educated. Or sacrificed at least.

 

[Bernkastel]

They're narrow-minded. They cannot acknowledge the truth, it's but a waste of time. When the stars align, they shall see.

 

[Paillan]

i really hate that people that believe in apocaliptic theories, in this worlds a stars align doesn´t does anything.

WIP-Assault of santa´s workshop

After the hard training of soldiers, the mad king asked my to enter santas workshop, and kill that orc, i was undecided at first, but he told my about a paper whit an exit rune whitin it, which was also the other escape idea of santa, also he said my that if i succed i would get more power than i could believe in my life, he also gave me more powers, now i can absorb energy from destruction, but not to much. This are my last notes from outside, The legion king and AProject are ready, and they will just wait for the moment, I just have to hurry since there are only 9 days left, i think we will attack at 24 morning since santa will be really busy at that time. Also hope David doesn´t ends in the void, he is a nice pal. Now i am on my way to santa´s workshop -The mad king´s assault progress notes-

 

[Vladadamm]

Nice ones. Errors : It's "told us" and not "telled us". Thay -> they. meaby -> maybe. It's not whit but with. he also gave my -> he also gave me.

 

[Paillan]

that thay wanted too correct, even, when i saw i pressed edit inmediatelly, but in the edit view it was they, them again thay Arg..
now it should be fine, also were the heck is that telled us?

 

[Bernkastel]

That is from your erlier wip.

 

[Vladadamm]

"Juno telled us" in your first today's wip.

Also i'm having net issues so you'll have to wait before my next wip.