The Rise of Nine Prophecy

[lightning brigade]

Ok so before you read go here to find out where this is from http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/map-development-202/monster-master-148954/ This is for the game Monster Master:Rise of Nine. It doesn't actually appear fully in the game so think of this sort of like an extra.

prophet kunyan's prophecy

In a land of turmoil there is but a god who arises from his stagnant grave for it has been long on gone upon his grave’s absence of a mortal skin but in there lies but a golden artifact which has come upon without it’s light and golden light shall shine again upon this golden pendant in which not a mere artifact of no power lies. It stores the secret to his death and with he cannot come back with more power ever more and continue the slaughter the people and destroy the land. For now he shall store his power and come upon his throne for many moons and many suns he shall not soon be overtaken. 200 years have passed for now and many paths may lie ahead. He may recruit his army and name his lieutenants but in the end it will be the same. Even when he has prepared for everything, everything shall not happen. As the decades pass and things remain other things will change. As the moonlight shines again the king of creatures commands, and as the sun grows bright the emperor of evil radiates his incredible glow. He has power beyond reason and cunning fit to a fox or a snake, but all things must come to a halt, all things stop, nine will arise, and they will go unannounced and put an end to the monstrousness abound. Then he the evil will be ever more wary but some can't be said for sure, the monster master's kingdom will fall just as he had risen up. Gone for ever more.

If you read the monster master page then you'll find that only the last part has been added in the game. This is because the title screen doesn't fit the entire thing. Maybe I'll add it in with a later version but not for now, but it's still early so who knows?

 

[Pharaoh_]

Do you know where "but" is used? "but in there lies but a golden artifact". This doesn't make sense. But is used to express antithesis, e.g. "Everyone was present at the party, but me.", it's not a linking word. You really need to fix your grammatical issues; only 50% of this text is understanable.

 

[hawk_767]

The reason he used "but" in weird areas is because he was trying to get an old English or at least an older styled language as it is a prophecy which is usually spoken in old tongue.

If that is indeed what you were after I would advice you to read some short stories or even ancient prophecies that were written by ancient Prophets. Read some fictional stories that were written in this way and really grasp how it should be written and read by the reader.

In this writing when I read it the whole time I feel like I'm reading a bad imitation of an ancient language. Meaning I can tell this wasn't written by an ancient prophet but by you. You want the reader to start reading and be like, "Wow was this actually written by a prophet from ancient times!"