Lost in the Jungle chapter 1

[Moderator]

12:53, 12th Dec 2010
ap0calypse: Rejected (until updated)

 

[Pourquoi]

Here's a list of BB Codes to help you improve the description.

 

[human-master112]

question: is their any game play? how long is the cinematic? plus a bigger desctription will be nesscaery but was great

 

[Shadowraze]

question: is their any game play?

This A Cinematics..

going to check this

 

[aki15]

Here's a list of BB Codes to help you improve the description.

Lol man, i already know for BB Codes, i don't need to improve my description more than this !
Can't you just download the cinematic and watch it, omg...
If i tell you what will happen in my cinematic, you don't need to watch it then omg....
------------EDIT
Please guys, i need more reviews, this is my first cinematic !

 

[Coaster_Man]

Review

Pros	Cons
+ Terrain was good, fog/grass/trees was fitting	- English was improper (Ex. I don't know remember how we got here, beetwen is my dog?
- Was really short, and the plot (if any) was ordinary
- Spoiler The fight between the dog and the bear was really lacking in effects and camera movement, it was just plain, basic, boring warcraft attacking
- Camera wasn't great: went into trees, sometimes stood still
Rating: 2/5 Lacking [Voting for Rejection]

I understand this is your first cinematic, but still a review is a review.

 

[aki15]

Camera went through the tree *once*....
It is short because i will make 3 chapters .... (or more) ....
What's with your example??? "I don't know remember how we got here, beetwen is my dog?", it's completely different :
"I don't know, i can't remember how we came here, between where is my dog?"
-Basic boring attack wc3 attack??????? What, should i make wolf or bear to cast magic???
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
xD

 

[darkzxx]

i do not know how to do this but i seen cinematics doing it
they use animations
they make it slow-motion then they make a unit use the stand animation and the other unit to use the attack animation

what i mean

if you still do not understand,i suggest you watch milzy cinematic,the pit.
and you could also make special effects
like when a monster throws a fireball at a person,the person teleports and before he teleports,you could a special effect there for 1 sec then begone!
then move unit instantly to a place

 

[aki15]

Can you send me a link of that cinematic...
------------------------------------
PS: This is my first cinematic :S ...

 

[darkzxx]

sure wait a sec
here http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/maps-564/pit-152196/?prev=search=the%20pit&d=list&r=20
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after watching the cinematic...
- the good thing is the grass moves,it was realistic using happycockroach model.

- about the starting line (where is my dog)
"I don't know, i can't remember how we came here, between where is my dog?" is wrong you should write
"I don't know, i can't remember how we came here,by the way,where is my dog?"

- really try to adjust when the blood is coming out.When the dog was running towards the bear,the bear has blood coming out already -.-"

- well normal attacks are boring really.

- the cinematic is too short

-after the bear die,the cinematic end ? wtf? people will think (No ending)
well this is your option but i suggest using text message to display "By aki15"
and due to the "no ending" if you will make a second part,you should really write "by aki15,next part coming out soon!"

 

[aki15]

Cinematic has ending title, I think !

 

[JGGDMakervb6]

stop double uploading
why dont use update button

 

[darkzxx]

ending title ?
nope only By aki15/akica (spelled wrong :C sorry)

 

[The_Olorin]

Lol man, i already know for BB Codes, i don't need to improve my description more than this !
Can't you just download the cinematic and watch it, omg...
If i tell you what will happen in my cinematic, you don't need to watch it then omg....
------------EDIT
Please guys, i need more reviews, this is my first cinematic !

Well if you want more reviews you realy need to improve desctription.

This is aint to annoy or make you angry, but more better desctription means, more reviews, looks, dl's.

Thats because of human nature. Because people dont want to read just couple of row where thers nothing eyecatchy but, when you make Titles, use couple of different colors, sizes, use "wrap" options, people get more interested. Exsample for me i just dont look for name and minimap image. I want to read nicely made desctription, what shows little introductios, info of whatkind cinematic it is, some screenshots(what you have luckyly ) etc.

I hope that helped you.

 

[The_Olorin]

The_Olorin's review:

+ Use of custom doodads
+ Use of fog
+ Tree sizes where different, made it look more realistic

+/- Camera moving could be better. For example in the cinematics, usually camera moves slowly from 1 point to other when there are characters still and having a dialogue. It will make cinematic look better. And also try to make camera movement smoother.
- You should use more Height tools. Atm the terrain looked too flat and unrealistic.
- There where no sound in the cinematic. Somekind of backroundmusic would be good.

 

[XenoStalker]

Lol man, i already know for BB Codes, i don't need to improve my description more than this !
Can't you just download the cinematic and watch it, omg...
If i tell you what will happen in my cinematic, you don't need to watch it then omg....
------------EDIT
Please guys, i need more reviews, this is my first cinematic !

Don't bother. I followed post instructions and my two maps just got shoved to the 12 page list of pending maps with similar responses.

--

My WC3 crashed when I tried to load this map, but it isn't the first map nor game to do it on so... I am 99% positive it's something with my driver(s). Will let you know when I get everything fixed and give ye a review that doesn't involve descriptions.

 

[darkzxx]

bleh,you forgotten about the bear's blood,the minor typos.the boring wc3 fight

 

[aki15]

I will make next cinematic much better i think, this was just my first one !

 

[darkzxx]

YOU SHOULD MERGE SOME PARTS TOGETHER,ONE PART IS REALLY TOO SHORT
MERGE EM,MERGE PART 1 and 2

 

[ap0calypse]

Both chapters:

Your English could indeed be improved.

"between where is my dog?" What does this even mean (Rhetorical question. I probably know it, it's just completely incorrect).
" find something for eat..."
"I will see what can I do"
etc...

Exclamation marks should also be right behind a letter, without a space in between.


Chapter 1:

The story (at this point) doesn't make any sense at all.

spoiler

Two kids are in a forest, they haven't got a clue of how they got there, one of them has a lighter, their dog can kick a bear's ass.

The camera was also forced to move.
(Logical response: "Obviously it was, it won't move on its own!")
I know that, but all camera movements look extremely forced.
This is because the camera moved/rotated too fast, started and stopped too sudden, making it look very unnatural.

The 'fight' between the bear and the dog was (apart from surprising, to say the least) also a bad fight.
The only effects there were the blood splats, and that really doesn't do the trick in a fight.


Chapter 2:

Spoiler

So they've slaughtered a bear and they're still looking for meat?
Yeah, they've used its skin... but they can still eat the bear's meat.
Why do they hunt for a deer then? Or perhaps none of them just likes bear meat?

Well, all problems said before are present here as well: forced cameras, a static fight.

The terrain was all right though (for a first timer, I'd say it's pretty good).



Chapter 3:

Ohh god... it's gone from semi-bad to iditotic.

Spoiler

A bridge? What? How can you build a bridge like that as a little kid? I don't even...
And now that dude with the lighter casts a frost bolt?
So their home was only about 100 meters away from where they were, but somehow they were incapable of returning home in less than a day?
Nothing fits! There is no story anymore...

Other problems as before + the terrain at the end was lacking.

Edit:
Because this chapter cannot be approved in its current state, chapter 2 and 3 will also be automatically rejected.

 

[darkzxx]

the spoilers are totally funny!!! and all of this are mention by us already so if you think apocalypse feedbacks are hard to understand,read ours,it's almost the same