Emerald Dream

[Moderator]

17:11, 12th Jun 2014
Hell_Master: Improve your descriptions and possible it's layout.

Orcnet: Shadow Fury's review

 

[Remixer]

Please take "Melee" out of the map type.

 

[BandolXD]

[self=http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/tools-560/map-description-generator-1-2-a-224558/]Map Description Generator
by Vengencekael[/self]

[self=http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/miscellaneous-tutorials-456/map-description-templates-171659/]Map Description - Templates
by -Kobas-[/self]

 

[Danor]

I watched it and thought it was good. But there are some things that you can improve. While It did not disturb me, there was a few spelling-mistakes I could see.(I'm not very good at English myself, and while it did not disturb me, It can't be bad to try to correct it)

Early in the cinematic, Lawrence was moving with his left body through a stone. Later in the cinematic, when you zoomed in at Ysera, it looked quite weird since you got half your vision under the ground, and some of the pillars nearby was floating abit over ground.

These are the things I thought of that can be improved. But what I think is most important in a cinematic is what you did well.

Positive:
1. The story was fast-moving and entertaining.
2. It was a very good use of the camera, the special-effects were nice(especially the portal).
3. The terrain was very well-made.
4. The music was funny, especially when he entered the first portal.

I will rate this 3/5, since it is a well-made cinematic. I can tell that you are skilled at making cinematics and that you put effort into this one. If it was not for the small issues I mentioned, I would give this cinematic a 4/5.

 

[Shadow Fury]

TERRAIN The terrain was mediocre since sometimes it was done pretty well while other times it was not. I noticed that sometimes you used the fog while in other occasions you did not. Why? Having a fog for the whole duration of the cinematic is very important to give the atmosphere a more realistic look. Sometimes the tile variation wasn't really used well like, for example, around Lawrence's house. It could've surely been much better there. Another issue is the internal structure (where Cenarius was in) and the area where Ysera was present. What concerns me is that you used terrain tiles as the floor of the internal structure instead of importing one of the square tiles from the UTM. That would really give the building a more structurish look. About the part of Ysera, I must admit I was pretty deluded. It didn't look at all as a place where a queen would reside. Finally, I was a bit disappointed when I saw Blizzard's default tedious cliffs. Everyone strongly recommends not to use them in cinematics since they look ugly therefore it is suggested to replace them with raisings/lowerings from the Terrain Palette so why not following this recommendation? I'm certain the terrain will acquire a more magnificent look after you do this. CINEMATIC ISSUES Here I'll discuss the various issues about camera and special effects' usage plus any bug I encountered throughout the cinematic. Well, I must admit both special effects and camera were managed terribly. The camera often went through doodads, obstructing the view of the watcher. Almost in every scene of the cinematic there had to be at least once in which camera obstruction occured. Most of the times it was due to the leaves of the trees yet in the scene of Ysera, the camera went through the ground itself! Other than that, the camera was usually too static and not dynamic as it should be. To be clearer, the camera didn't move a lot. During all dialogues, the camera was just stuck in its place and unluckily this contributes to a very dull cinematic. At least the imported music was very pleasant and cheered me to continue watching. Regarding special effects, there was nothing exciting about them. When the meteor fell, not only could you have added a camera shake but also a great explosion effect. This would've made me feel that the meteor actually caused a large crater plus a loud noise. Lastly, take care about where Lawrence walks because in the very beginning he traversed a rock like a ghost just as the archway inside Cenarius' lair.

STORY DEVELOPMENT

Honestly, I didn't enjoy the story at all. It's all about a guy called Lawrence having a walk in a greenland and asking information around to return back home with totally no thrilling events. What was even worse is that the dialogue was pretty childish and full of mistakes. The Emerald Dream felt like Utopia where everyone was so damn friendly. Now I wonder, "Where's the plot in this cinematic?" If Lawrence just needs to go around and ask for help and everybody answers without delay, I see no purpose for this cinematic. Sincerely, I was not motivated to go on watching. Your story is uninteresting and uninvolving as there is neither something exciting that happens nor a real climax.

OVERALL RESULT

In conclusion, I claim that this cinematic crucially needs serious improvements and excitement. I will give it 1/5 and vote for rejection.