Story Rewritting/Improving

[Palooo3]

Hello everyone,
Here is link to map, and you can see story there.
http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/map-development-202/dungeon-melarions-tomb-203562/

I think it need improves, proper use of words and such. Since Im not from english speaking country, it is hard to make nice-feeling story on my own.
Fact of story:

- Melarion is much more important then Yemeron, Yemeron is just his brother and bottom boss of map.
- They are in ancient tomb, locked by mages of Kirin Tor
- Mage of Kirin Tor opened tomb after many years
- There are natural, demon and undead creatures inside of Tomb
- You play as Human race
- Map so far contain 3 major zones, Cave, Yemeron's Tomb and Melarion's Tomb

If you need additional info about map, write here or PM me.
Best ones will be credited and + reped ;P

Palooo3

 

[Apheraz Lucent]

I gave it a shot ^^

Locked for eternity within an ancient tomb, the remains of two brothers were lying in silence. With whispering tears in the air, a story about Melarion and Yemeron is told - uncountable treasures that were stolen, countless lives that were taken, uncontrollable suffering brought to innocent ones, and their dying breathes, while mages of Azeroth tried to restore the balance with their death.
Locked for eternity within an ancient tomb, remains have dissipated, but the souls kept wandering the cursed place. Even with impressive magic that sealed their tomb, many deformed creatures found their ways in. Souls of brothers were not meant to rest in eternal peace, and it's a mystery why creatures obey their commands.
Locked for eternity within an ancient tomb, memories of their slaughter vanished away. But one day, Rhonin, the Grand Mage of Kirin Tor, found the brothers' graveyard. Dispatching the powerful and ancient magic that kept it sealed, he uncovered the passage to mysterious treasures. With his forces, he stood bravely before the tomb, unaware of what ancient curses and creatures are waiting...

 

[Palooo3]

I really like it
Better than our last one
Thank you very much. If there are any other ideas/improves changes by anyone feel free to post