- Joined
- Nov 14, 2012
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- 154
Enhance your RPG/ORPG Dialogue and Storyline
I see a lot of map designers, we'll use Kobias' Shadows of the Past as an example, who create very nice maps with horrible dialogue. The idea of the map is cool and has okay subtext but the dialogue is seriously lacking. Here is a few tips and help on designing better dialogue for your characters when creating a map.
We’re going to talk about the word ‘said’ and in the course of our discussion I will (hopefully) convince you that the word ‘said’ is the cooooolest kid on the block when it comes to writing dialogue. When you pick teams (write dialogue) you should pick this guy first, every single time. Said is the word that should appear in your dialogue over and over and over and over. You should endeavor never to replace ‘said’ with any of his teammates, (asked, replied, whispered, yelled, etc.) because, in all honesty, he is the best possible player when it comes to dialogue.
Why is said the best possible player?
Because Orson Scott Card said so in his very good book on writing, Uncle Orson’s Writing Class. It turns out OSC knows a thing or two about writing. Who would have thought?
Yeah, but WHY is ‘said’ the best possible player for my dialogue?
Because ‘said’ makes everyone better, while never hogging the spot light for himself. How amazing is that? Doesn’t everyone want to hang out with someone that makes you look good and doesn’t want any credit for it?
Said should be used alone (without an adverb) as often as possible. Great characters are created by the hard work of their dialogue and ‘said weakly’, ‘said angrily’, or ‘said without much emotion’ does not help them become great.
Yes, I know those adverbs are just sitting there looking like they convey so much information, but let me assure you, usually it’s information that the reader doesn’t need or already has. I know, I know some of you are still sitting there thinking, ‘Yeah, but…”
You might even be right…the one time you’re talking about. But if you free up ‘said’ from his chains most of the time, the occasional (and I mean occasional) adverb accompaniment shouldn’t be too bad.
Are we solid now? No more making ‘said’ cooperate? You’re convinced he should work alone like some kind of Jason Borne operator making Dialogue look great in the process? I was hoping this already sounded all kinds of Rainbow Bright good, but you’re probably going to need some examples, aren’t you?
So let’s see a few.
Let’s use some examples from Dennis Lehane’s Moonlight Mile (He wrote Mystic River and is fantastic at crime novel dialogue).
“War,” he said. “One day, no rhyme or reason to it. I’d say black, she’d say white. I’d serve chicken for dinner, she’d tell us she’d become a vegan. She started doing her chores sloppily or not at all. Once BJ was born, it got out of control.”
“BJ?”
He indicated the small boy in the photos. “Brian Junior.”
“Ah,” I said. “BJ.”
He turned to face me, his hands clasped at his knees. “I’m not a taskmaster. I only have a few rules in this house, but they’re firm rules. You understand?”
“Of course,” I said. “With a kid, you’ve got to have rules.”
“So, okay.” He began ticking them off on his fingers. “No profanity, no smoking, no boys over when I’m not home, no drugs or alcohol, and I’d like to know what you’re doing on the Internet.”
“Perfectly reasonable,” I said.
“Plus, no dark lipstick, no fishnet stockings, no friends with tattoos or nose rings, no junk food, processed food, or sodas.”
“Oh,” I said.
“Right,” he said, as if I’d said “Atta boy.” He leaned forward a bit more. “The junk food contributed to her acne. I told her that, but she didn’t listen. And all the sugar contributed to her hyperactivity and inability to concentrate in school. So her grades went down and her weight went up. It was a terrible example for BJ.”
“Isn’t he, like, three?” Angie asked.
Dennis let’s his dialogue do ALL the work. An ‘asked’ and a few ‘said’s here and there, otherwise the dialogue is doing all the work alone. There’s even an ‘as if I said’ in there that shows that Dennis wants to use ‘said’ ALL the time.
Here’s another example from the same book.
The phone call came at three the next morning.
“You remember me?” A woman’s voice.
“What?” I was still half-asleep. I checked the caller ID: PRIVATE NUMBER .
“You found her once. Find her again.”
“Who is this?”
Her words slushed through the phone line. “You owe me.”
“Sleep it off,” I said. “I’m hanging up.”
“You owe me.” She hung up.
I thought the ‘A woman’s voice’ was a great alternate usage to said. But, trust me, I had to search long and hard for it. The rest of the time Dennis lets the dialogue, again, do all the work. A single ‘said’ hanging out, nearly invisible.
Sincerely, Black Hand Industries.
I see a lot of map designers, we'll use Kobias' Shadows of the Past as an example, who create very nice maps with horrible dialogue. The idea of the map is cool and has okay subtext but the dialogue is seriously lacking. Here is a few tips and help on designing better dialogue for your characters when creating a map.
We’re going to talk about the word ‘said’ and in the course of our discussion I will (hopefully) convince you that the word ‘said’ is the cooooolest kid on the block when it comes to writing dialogue. When you pick teams (write dialogue) you should pick this guy first, every single time. Said is the word that should appear in your dialogue over and over and over and over. You should endeavor never to replace ‘said’ with any of his teammates, (asked, replied, whispered, yelled, etc.) because, in all honesty, he is the best possible player when it comes to dialogue.
Why is said the best possible player?
Because Orson Scott Card said so in his very good book on writing, Uncle Orson’s Writing Class. It turns out OSC knows a thing or two about writing. Who would have thought?
Yeah, but WHY is ‘said’ the best possible player for my dialogue?
Because ‘said’ makes everyone better, while never hogging the spot light for himself. How amazing is that? Doesn’t everyone want to hang out with someone that makes you look good and doesn’t want any credit for it?
Said should be used alone (without an adverb) as often as possible. Great characters are created by the hard work of their dialogue and ‘said weakly’, ‘said angrily’, or ‘said without much emotion’ does not help them become great.
Yes, I know those adverbs are just sitting there looking like they convey so much information, but let me assure you, usually it’s information that the reader doesn’t need or already has. I know, I know some of you are still sitting there thinking, ‘Yeah, but…”
You might even be right…the one time you’re talking about. But if you free up ‘said’ from his chains most of the time, the occasional (and I mean occasional) adverb accompaniment shouldn’t be too bad.
Are we solid now? No more making ‘said’ cooperate? You’re convinced he should work alone like some kind of Jason Borne operator making Dialogue look great in the process? I was hoping this already sounded all kinds of Rainbow Bright good, but you’re probably going to need some examples, aren’t you?
So let’s see a few.
Let’s use some examples from Dennis Lehane’s Moonlight Mile (He wrote Mystic River and is fantastic at crime novel dialogue).
“War,” he said. “One day, no rhyme or reason to it. I’d say black, she’d say white. I’d serve chicken for dinner, she’d tell us she’d become a vegan. She started doing her chores sloppily or not at all. Once BJ was born, it got out of control.”
“BJ?”
He indicated the small boy in the photos. “Brian Junior.”
“Ah,” I said. “BJ.”
He turned to face me, his hands clasped at his knees. “I’m not a taskmaster. I only have a few rules in this house, but they’re firm rules. You understand?”
“Of course,” I said. “With a kid, you’ve got to have rules.”
“So, okay.” He began ticking them off on his fingers. “No profanity, no smoking, no boys over when I’m not home, no drugs or alcohol, and I’d like to know what you’re doing on the Internet.”
“Perfectly reasonable,” I said.
“Plus, no dark lipstick, no fishnet stockings, no friends with tattoos or nose rings, no junk food, processed food, or sodas.”
“Oh,” I said.
“Right,” he said, as if I’d said “Atta boy.” He leaned forward a bit more. “The junk food contributed to her acne. I told her that, but she didn’t listen. And all the sugar contributed to her hyperactivity and inability to concentrate in school. So her grades went down and her weight went up. It was a terrible example for BJ.”
“Isn’t he, like, three?” Angie asked.
Dennis let’s his dialogue do ALL the work. An ‘asked’ and a few ‘said’s here and there, otherwise the dialogue is doing all the work alone. There’s even an ‘as if I said’ in there that shows that Dennis wants to use ‘said’ ALL the time.
Here’s another example from the same book.
The phone call came at three the next morning.
“You remember me?” A woman’s voice.
“What?” I was still half-asleep. I checked the caller ID: PRIVATE NUMBER .
“You found her once. Find her again.”
“Who is this?”
Her words slushed through the phone line. “You owe me.”
“Sleep it off,” I said. “I’m hanging up.”
“You owe me.” She hung up.
I thought the ‘A woman’s voice’ was a great alternate usage to said. But, trust me, I had to search long and hard for it. The rest of the time Dennis lets the dialogue, again, do all the work. A single ‘said’ hanging out, nearly invisible.
Sincerely, Black Hand Industries.
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