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-   -   Zegaroth's Poems (http://www.hiveworkshop.com/forums/screenwriting-storyboarding-concept-creation-291/zegaroths-poems-204144/)

Zegaroth 09-23-2011 12:55 AM

Zegaroth's Poems
 
-Derp- inspired me to post some poems I've made onto the hive for others to see.

The Mundusphage
The Mundusphage

Far beyond an Ocean of Stars,
The Mundusphage lies mouth ajar,
Ancient lands crushed by teeth,
Consumed by the Lord of a Celestial Reef,
Owner of the Darkest Tongues,
Breathing with Unhuman Lungs,
Leader of an Eternal Life,
The source for eons of strife,
Masked in violet, foggy gloom,
His Shadow Ever looms.
The Mundusphage is Coming.


The above is about The Mundusphage, which is Latin for World Eater or Universe Eater.


Prehistoric Texas
Sun Looming Overhead,
Towering Shadows Crossed the Dead,
I Lay Here in Despair,
As Nothing ever Visits.

I Sigh in Departure,
As the Earth begins to Rupture,
And this Land is Born Again.


The above is a poem I originally made for my ELA Intensives Class in school where we wrote a poem about Prehistoric Texas.


That's all for now.

-Derp- 09-23-2011 02:49 AM

Quite nice poems, I hope you keep it up. ^^


Here's my feedback, I hope to give Jazztastic a run for his money when giving feedback.

"Prehistoric Texas"

When writing short poems (<12 Lines or two stanzas.), try to keep all of the stanzas with either one rhyme scheme or all free verse. You began rhyming, yet then stop. Generally this is used with larger stanzas at their end for emphasis, yet with only four lines it creates a rhyme scheme of a/a/b/c, which is half free verse and half perfect rhyme.

I hope you increase the length of "Prehistoric Texas". The first line was very, very good yet its scheme changed too dramatically for my taste.
I think its a sprouting seed at the moment, I hope you nurture it into a blooming tree.



"The Mundusphage" I already gave you my opinions on, I think its very very good and I hope you continue you work. :)

Zegaroth 09-24-2011 01:36 PM

Thanks.


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