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Tell your jokes here

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Bustr_Bladr, Nov 8, 2005.

  1. Ramza

    Ramza

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    i think a whole page :p
    ill just post the 'old' ones :p

    yo mamma so old when she was a kid there was no old spice, it was called baby spice.


    yo mama so old she sat behind jesus in the third grade


    yo mamma so old she pee'd the great lakes!


    Yo mama's so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.


    Yo mama's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.


    Yo mama's so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.


    Yo mama's so old, she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party.


    Yo mama's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.


    Yo mama's so old, she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.


    Yo mama's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.


    Yo mama's so old, her memory is in black and white.


    Yo mama's so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.


    Yo mama's so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.


    Yo mama's so old, she baby-sat for Jesus.


    Yo mama's so old, her social security number is 1.


    Yo mama's so old, when the police asked her for her ID, she gave them a rock.


    Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate expired.


    Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate is in Roman numerals.


    Yo mama's so old, she ran track with dinosaurs.


    Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.


    Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.


    Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.


    Yo mama's so old, she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.


    Yo mama's so old, she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.


    Yo mama's so old, she owes Jesus a nickel.


    Yo mama's so old, she owes Moses a quarter.


    Yo mama's so old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.


    Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.


    Yo mama's so old, when God said "Let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.


    Yo mama's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.


    Yo mama's so old, when she reads the bible she reminisces.


    Yo mama's so old, she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible.


    Yo mama's so old, she planted the first tree at Central Park.


    Yo mama's so old, her birthday expired.


    Yo mama's so old, she has Adam & Eve's autographs.


    Yo mama's so old, she got slapped by Eve for blowing Adam.


    Yo mama's so old, she took friendship pictures with Adam & Eve.


    Yo mama's so old, she co-wrote the Ten Commandments.


    Yo mama's so old, she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.


    Yo mama's so old, she has an autographed bible.


    Yo mama's so old, the candles cost more than the birthday cake.


    Yo mama's so old, she farts out mummy dust.


    Yo mama's so old, she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.


    Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.


    Yo mama's so old, she knew Cap'n Crunch while he was still a private.


    Yo mama's so old & ugly, her name is Ape.


    Yo mama's so old, when she was young rainbows were black and white.


    Yo mama's so old, she called the cops when David and Goliath started to fight.


    Yo mama's so old and fat that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.


    Yo mama's so old, she watches PBS.


    Yo mama's so old, she's got a pair of Air Moses sneakers.


    Yo mama's so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.


    Yo mama's so old, when I slapped her on the back her tits fell off.


    Yo Mamma So Old she wore air Jesus'.


    Yo Mamma's so old, her boobs look like bungie chords.


    Yo Mamma's So old, she dated moses
     
  2. Xeridanus

    Xeridanus

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    The old ones are possible if she's a vampire... is she?
     
  3. Bustr_Bladr

    Bustr_Bladr

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    The joke-a-thon is opened! Next 10 posts containing jokes will be rated by me and awarded.I shall be the winner's servant for a whole month on wc3search!!! :D :D :D :lol: :lol:
     
  4. Xeridanus

    Xeridanus

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    27 Facts about David Hasselhoff


    1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

    2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David Hasselhoff allows to live.

    3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

    4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

    5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

    6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.

    8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

    9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.

    10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead.

    11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

    12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

    13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh1t.

    14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

    15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

    16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

    17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

    18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

    19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

    20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers."

    Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

    21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

    22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

    23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.

    24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

    25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.

    26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

    27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.
    ------------------------------------------------------
    I have tons more jokes to be rated if you want.
     
  5. Ramza

    Ramza

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  6. Bustr_Bladr

    Bustr_Bladr

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    Ahem!!! I said that I will be a wc3search slave for a whole month of the winner of the Joke-A-Thon! 10 days left!!!!!
     
  7. olofmoleman

    olofmoleman

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    Can't remember if I told them before here, but here they are anyway...

    Why does an elephant wear red socks?
    So he won't be noticed in a field full of strawberries

    Why does an elephant wear brown socks?
    so he won't be noticed when he floats upside down in chocolate pudding.

    Why does an elephant wear blue socks?
    because it matches the colour of his eyes.

    Why does an elephant wear grey socks?
    because his blue socks are dirty.

    How can you tell if an elephant has been inside the fridge?
    footprints in the butter.


    Why do ducks have webbed feet?
    To put out fires.

    Why do elephants have flat feet?
    To put out burning ducks.
     
  8. Bustr_Bladr

    Bustr_Bladr

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    Here's one by me(doesn't count 'cus I can't be my slave):

    Why are animals not outside at 6 o'clock?
    -because elephants train parachuting.

    Why are crocodiles so flat?
    -because they were outside at 6 o'clock.