- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
There are two muffins in an oven. One says to the other "gezz its getting hot in here." the other screams "ARGH! A TALKING MUFFIN!"
-
🏆 Texturing Contest #33 is OPEN! Contestants must re-texture a SD unit model found in-game (Warcraft 3 Classic), recreating the unit into a peaceful NPC version. 🔗Click here to enter!
-
It's time for the first HD Modeling Contest of 2024. Join the theme discussion for Hive's HD Modeling Contest #6! Click here to post your idea!
Tell your jokes here
- Status
- Joined
- May 7, 2005
- Messages
- 630
Xeridanus said:
i didnt understand this one...whats a muffin?
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
a muffn is a pastry, you eat it and its kinda like bread but different. In other words, they don't talk.
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
a C, an E flat, and a G walk into a bar.
The bartender says, hey we don't serve minors in here.
The bartender says, hey we don't serve minors in here.
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,940
I think the best word for muffin in english is "cubcake"
btw that muffin joke was strange, but funny
Anyway...
more jokes
-----------
A pirate walks into a bar ...
A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "hey, you''ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."
-----------
3 Vampires
There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."
The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"
The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."
-----------
Puzzle Pieces
Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"
One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"
-----------
A ham sandwich
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a cold one.
The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
btw that muffin joke was strange, but funny
Anyway...
more jokes
-----------
A pirate walks into a bar ...
A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "hey, you''ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."
-----------
3 Vampires
There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.
The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."
The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?"
The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."
-----------
Puzzle Pieces
Three blondes have just finished a jigsaw-puzzle so they decide to celebrate by going out. They walk into a bar chanting, "61 days 61 days!"
The bartender gets curious and walks over to them and asks, "Why are you chanting 61 days?"
One of the three answer, "Because the box said 3-6- years!"
-----------
A ham sandwich
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a cold one.
The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
- Joined
- May 7, 2005
- Messages
- 630
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2004
- Messages
- 120
Where are all the religion jokes? Oh well, I guess I'll have to post some (Sorry if these offend anybody.)
So, there are these three couples applying for membership at a church: an elderly couple, a mid-aged couple, and a young couple. The priest goes up to the couples and says,
"In order to become members of the chuch, you must abstain from sex for a week."
So, the three couples go off and come back a week later. The Priest walks up to the elderly couple and asks them,
"So, did you abstain from sex for a week?"
They reply,
"Oh, sure. No problem."
"Very good, you are now welcome in the church."
Then the priest walks up to the mid-aged couple and asks,
"Did you abstain from sex for a week?"
"Well, I had to sleep on the couch for the past few days, but we made it."
"Good, welcome to the church!"
Finally, he walks up to the young couple.
"Were you able to abstain from sex for a week?"
The young man looks embarassed, and says,
"Well, we did ok for the first several days. But just yesterday my wife was reaching for a lightbulb on the top shelf, and I just couldn't help myself. We had sex on the floor right there."
"That's terrible! You are most certainly NOT welcome at the church."
"That's ok, we're not welcome at the supermarket any more either."
And one more...
A priest and an atheist are going golfing together. The atheist goes first, and misses. So he shouts,
"God damn it, I missed!"
The priest gets very upset, and tells the atheist not to profane God's name. So a couple holes later, the atheis takes another swing and misses.
"God damn it! I missed!"
"Sir, please stop saying that. You shouldn't use the lords name in a blasphemous way."
A couple more holes later, the atheist does it again.
"God damn it! I missed!"
The priest snaps, and begins to shout at the atheist.
"IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE-"
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and hits the priest, leaving only a smouldering crater. The atheist hears a booming voice coming from above that says,
"GOD DAMN IT, I MISSED!"
So, there are these three couples applying for membership at a church: an elderly couple, a mid-aged couple, and a young couple. The priest goes up to the couples and says,
"In order to become members of the chuch, you must abstain from sex for a week."
So, the three couples go off and come back a week later. The Priest walks up to the elderly couple and asks them,
"So, did you abstain from sex for a week?"
They reply,
"Oh, sure. No problem."
"Very good, you are now welcome in the church."
Then the priest walks up to the mid-aged couple and asks,
"Did you abstain from sex for a week?"
"Well, I had to sleep on the couch for the past few days, but we made it."
"Good, welcome to the church!"
Finally, he walks up to the young couple.
"Were you able to abstain from sex for a week?"
The young man looks embarassed, and says,
"Well, we did ok for the first several days. But just yesterday my wife was reaching for a lightbulb on the top shelf, and I just couldn't help myself. We had sex on the floor right there."
"That's terrible! You are most certainly NOT welcome at the church."
"That's ok, we're not welcome at the supermarket any more either."
And one more...
A priest and an atheist are going golfing together. The atheist goes first, and misses. So he shouts,
"God damn it, I missed!"
The priest gets very upset, and tells the atheist not to profane God's name. So a couple holes later, the atheis takes another swing and misses.
"God damn it! I missed!"
"Sir, please stop saying that. You shouldn't use the lords name in a blasphemous way."
A couple more holes later, the atheist does it again.
"God damn it! I missed!"
The priest snaps, and begins to shout at the atheist.
"IF YOU SAY THAT ONE MORE-"
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and hits the priest, leaving only a smouldering crater. The atheist hears a booming voice coming from above that says,
"GOD DAMN IT, I MISSED!"
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
COMPUTER HELPDESK PHONE RECORDINGS...
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry ....
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening...
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?
- Joined
- May 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,330
Hehe, those are awesome. There's nothin' more funny then the stupidity of people :lol:
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2004
- Messages
- 1,185
Re: Magic Man
When I saw that, I thought another joke.
What do you get when you cut zergling in half??
- Halfling.
lordeverkill said:
When I saw that, I thought another joke.
What do you get when you cut zergling in half??
- Halfling.
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2006
- Messages
- 10
Here's a WoW joke I thought up....
Earlier today in the barrens, I ambushed this rogue named midnight and he was all like "omg rofl PWNED!!!1!!one!!2!!" then he assploded then when he spirit rezzed he reincarnates into a frog! "WTF NWB HAXXORZ!! I r report u coz u r sploiter" and i was all like "I'm RICK JAMES B!TCH PEW PEW!!" Then he calls his buddies then this hunter named dagnabit shows up. then he shots fireworkz but these fireworks are sploitz coz they broke my *poof* button! then he laughs at me! WTF NWB HAXXORZ I r a rogue and i can pwn you with a pair of safety plastic scissors nwb!"
so dagnabit says "dang kid how old are you" so im like "im so old i pulled a muscle trying to take the lid off a bottle of geritol" "how old are you?" so i says "32". so dagnabit's like "why are you acting like such a nwb?" So i says my inner child has ADD.
then my girlfriend walks in then asks what are you yelling about so i says im talking to my imaginary friend. then she's liek "nobody likes you even your imaginary friend hates you! (Girls are so mean) then she's like "do you know what time it is?" "uhh time for you to leave my room and lemme gank this hunter." "no time to go to work"
omg rofl tomato
so im liek "i feel kinda sick *cough *cough *sniff"
so she's like "ok get in bed then get up early so you can go to your first day on the job you loozr"
and im liek "oh i thought you meant i started today wow i feel better already"
then she calls me bad names and goes away
then this guy named crassius sees all the action and sends me a tell "hey dude wanna group up?"
and im liek "what's that supposed to mean"
and he's like "wanna group up and gank this hunter?"
so im liek "man im not into that kind of stuff i like girls /ignore crassius"
then my buddy popo shows up and he's like in bad shape cause he has leaves and twigs for armor and im liek "popo what happened to you dude" and he was like "st fu nwb" and i was like "dude your cooler than tom jones!! you gotta help me! I'm getting DP by these alliance!"
so he's liek "DP?"
"Double penetrated! they keep gangin up on me so help meh kill this hunter!" and he's liek "no thanks im going to MC coz im uber and your a nwb!!" and he rides off into the sunset on a dinosaur which was cool, how often do you see a cow riding a dinosaur.
So i sneaks up to the hunter and i steals his gun and I'm like "OOOOHH mr hunter whatcha gonna doo i got your gunnn ooo!!!"
But he cant do nothing coz im invisible and he cant see me. So he celebrates the occassion with more fireworks!! And i'm telling my buddy juna this guy's odd he's celebrating about me stealing his gun!! And he's liek yelling "you fking nwb gimme my gun back!!" So i get scarded coz rogues are ubah but he hax. So i drop the gun and run but shotts mer in teh back!! and i died cause gunshots hurt and he gets honor from shooting meh in teh backs!! Then this finger wiggler named annastasia comes up and dances on meh body!! And i'm like "OMG wtf she is so hot!!" so she's like "hey baby, how would you like some of this [Flask of Mojo]" and i'm liek "no thanks i like pie. so you're really a girl in RL?" she says "yup, with sexy blonde hair too."
and i'm like "yea and chances are you're like 300 lbs and smell like sausage" and she's like "no i dont smell like sausage >.<" so i say "but you're 300 lbs?"
- Annastasia is Ignoring You -
So i sees my guildy dkay in WSG with his wife Msdkay and they're getting pwnaged coz they got no rogues and he's like fighting this mage and telling the guild "my wife is a sheep!" and i'm liek "you from tennessee too??". right then gets this tell from brag and he says "d00d come join us in Molten Core" and im liek "dude omw lemme get meh snowballs and super soaker!" and he's liek "huh ? well just hurry up" and i'm liek "you're not the boss of me"
So i gets to molten core and realize i forgot meh pants at teh bank!! so people are making fun of mah green snake and i'm liek "he's just shy" and all the girls are laughing at me so i unsummon mah green water snake and summon meh chicken instead but i still gots no pants and nobody seems to notice.
So while we were waiting for the raid to form up im like "hey juna check out mah epic mount" and she says "awesome, i could sure use an epic mount right now" so i says "oh yah? where'd ya live????'
- Juna is Ignoring You -
Then i hears this gunshot outside meh house and im liek WTF but hillbillies be shotting for no reason so i forgots about it and in 20 mins this ambulance shows up at meh neighbors so i tells the raid "i gotta go afk my neighbor just gots shot and im gonna loot his house before his wife comes home" and they're like "WTF but we're about to kill lucifron!!! so i stays.
so we fightin luci and she's got some splainin to do coz she sploitz alot!!!! i was bashing her with a beer bottle i got from this midget in a bar fight then all the sudden the whole raid turns red and they're mah enemies. Fking traitors!!! so i'm liek killing em all and yelling "YOU !@#$%es tricked me!" and it scarded them cause they all turned to mah side again. so im like "2 can play this game" so i gets this idea coz i like to think in mah box and stuff so i gets mah mechanical yeti to help me pwn them but he's like LLEERROOY JENNNNKKINNSS and !@#$% runs up and pwns this imp instead. karr is like "get yoru head out of your asswwwwwwwwdddsssaa1212121121" stupid nwb yeti so i hits mah *poof* button and vanishes and the imps get pissed off and wipes the whole raid but i live cause rogues are ubernest. im so smooth cant believe im not butter.
so mah guild leader dkay sends me a tell asking why i wiped the raid and im like "they all attacked me! they all conned red!!!" and he's like "dude you were mind controlled" and im like "no im not the voices in my head DO NOT CONTROL ME !!! so he boots me from teh guild.
Don't laugh if ya don't understand it...
Earlier today in the barrens, I ambushed this rogue named midnight and he was all like "omg rofl PWNED!!!1!!one!!2!!" then he assploded then when he spirit rezzed he reincarnates into a frog! "WTF NWB HAXXORZ!! I r report u coz u r sploiter" and i was all like "I'm RICK JAMES B!TCH PEW PEW!!" Then he calls his buddies then this hunter named dagnabit shows up. then he shots fireworkz but these fireworks are sploitz coz they broke my *poof* button! then he laughs at me! WTF NWB HAXXORZ I r a rogue and i can pwn you with a pair of safety plastic scissors nwb!"
so dagnabit says "dang kid how old are you" so im like "im so old i pulled a muscle trying to take the lid off a bottle of geritol" "how old are you?" so i says "32". so dagnabit's like "why are you acting like such a nwb?" So i says my inner child has ADD.
then my girlfriend walks in then asks what are you yelling about so i says im talking to my imaginary friend. then she's liek "nobody likes you even your imaginary friend hates you! (Girls are so mean) then she's like "do you know what time it is?" "uhh time for you to leave my room and lemme gank this hunter." "no time to go to work"
omg rofl tomato
so im liek "i feel kinda sick *cough *cough *sniff"
so she's like "ok get in bed then get up early so you can go to your first day on the job you loozr"
and im liek "oh i thought you meant i started today wow i feel better already"
then she calls me bad names and goes away
then this guy named crassius sees all the action and sends me a tell "hey dude wanna group up?"
and im liek "what's that supposed to mean"
and he's like "wanna group up and gank this hunter?"
so im liek "man im not into that kind of stuff i like girls /ignore crassius"
then my buddy popo shows up and he's like in bad shape cause he has leaves and twigs for armor and im liek "popo what happened to you dude" and he was like "st fu nwb" and i was like "dude your cooler than tom jones!! you gotta help me! I'm getting DP by these alliance!"
so he's liek "DP?"
"Double penetrated! they keep gangin up on me so help meh kill this hunter!" and he's liek "no thanks im going to MC coz im uber and your a nwb!!" and he rides off into the sunset on a dinosaur which was cool, how often do you see a cow riding a dinosaur.
So i sneaks up to the hunter and i steals his gun and I'm like "OOOOHH mr hunter whatcha gonna doo i got your gunnn ooo!!!"
But he cant do nothing coz im invisible and he cant see me. So he celebrates the occassion with more fireworks!! And i'm telling my buddy juna this guy's odd he's celebrating about me stealing his gun!! And he's liek yelling "you fking nwb gimme my gun back!!" So i get scarded coz rogues are ubah but he hax. So i drop the gun and run but shotts mer in teh back!! and i died cause gunshots hurt and he gets honor from shooting meh in teh backs!! Then this finger wiggler named annastasia comes up and dances on meh body!! And i'm like "OMG wtf she is so hot!!" so she's like "hey baby, how would you like some of this [Flask of Mojo]" and i'm liek "no thanks i like pie. so you're really a girl in RL?" she says "yup, with sexy blonde hair too."
and i'm like "yea and chances are you're like 300 lbs and smell like sausage" and she's like "no i dont smell like sausage >.<" so i say "but you're 300 lbs?"
- Annastasia is Ignoring You -
So i sees my guildy dkay in WSG with his wife Msdkay and they're getting pwnaged coz they got no rogues and he's like fighting this mage and telling the guild "my wife is a sheep!" and i'm liek "you from tennessee too??". right then gets this tell from brag and he says "d00d come join us in Molten Core" and im liek "dude omw lemme get meh snowballs and super soaker!" and he's liek "huh ? well just hurry up" and i'm liek "you're not the boss of me"
So i gets to molten core and realize i forgot meh pants at teh bank!! so people are making fun of mah green snake and i'm liek "he's just shy" and all the girls are laughing at me so i unsummon mah green water snake and summon meh chicken instead but i still gots no pants and nobody seems to notice.
So while we were waiting for the raid to form up im like "hey juna check out mah epic mount" and she says "awesome, i could sure use an epic mount right now" so i says "oh yah? where'd ya live????'
- Juna is Ignoring You -
Then i hears this gunshot outside meh house and im liek WTF but hillbillies be shotting for no reason so i forgots about it and in 20 mins this ambulance shows up at meh neighbors so i tells the raid "i gotta go afk my neighbor just gots shot and im gonna loot his house before his wife comes home" and they're like "WTF but we're about to kill lucifron!!! so i stays.
so we fightin luci and she's got some splainin to do coz she sploitz alot!!!! i was bashing her with a beer bottle i got from this midget in a bar fight then all the sudden the whole raid turns red and they're mah enemies. Fking traitors!!! so i'm liek killing em all and yelling "YOU !@#$%es tricked me!" and it scarded them cause they all turned to mah side again. so im like "2 can play this game" so i gets this idea coz i like to think in mah box and stuff so i gets mah mechanical yeti to help me pwn them but he's like LLEERROOY JENNNNKKINNSS and !@#$% runs up and pwns this imp instead. karr is like "get yoru head out of your asswwwwwwwwdddsssaa1212121121" stupid nwb yeti so i hits mah *poof* button and vanishes and the imps get pissed off and wipes the whole raid but i live cause rogues are ubernest. im so smooth cant believe im not butter.
so mah guild leader dkay sends me a tell asking why i wiped the raid and im like "they all attacked me! they all conned red!!!" and he's like "dude you were mind controlled" and im like "no im not the voices in my head DO NOT CONTROL ME !!! so he boots me from teh guild.
Don't laugh if ya don't understand it...
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2005
- Messages
- 633
lol im not sure if its already said but no offence its ONLY a JOKE (this joke from a friend)
how much men does it take to open a beer can?
none its the womens job
how much men does it take to open a beer can?
none its the womens job
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2005
- Messages
- 203
Heres a few i know i made the first one up myself.
A woman and her 4 children were in her husbands NEW car driving along an old road that was up a steep hill. A kangaroo (australian animal) jumped out in front of the car and the lady swerved off and rolled down the steep hill. 3 of the children died and one had suffered major injury the lady was fine apart from a few scratches. She picked up her mobile and rang her husband.
She said "Oh honey i just rolled the car off a steep hill 3 of our children are dead and the other one is uncounsious."
The man said nothing.
The woman said "Honey are you there come on i need your help!"
The man then replied "OH GOD IS THE CAR OK!?"
------------------------------------------------------
A blind man walked into a bar and said "Would anyone like to hear a blonde joke?"
The bar tender replied "Im 6"2 female wrestling champion of the world and im blonde. One of my friends is 6"1 and is the female kickboxing champion of the world and shes blonde. My other friend is 6"0 and is Ninjitsu champion of the world. Would you still like to tell that joke?"
The man replied with "No i dont want to have to explain it 3 times."
A woman and her 4 children were in her husbands NEW car driving along an old road that was up a steep hill. A kangaroo (australian animal) jumped out in front of the car and the lady swerved off and rolled down the steep hill. 3 of the children died and one had suffered major injury the lady was fine apart from a few scratches. She picked up her mobile and rang her husband.
She said "Oh honey i just rolled the car off a steep hill 3 of our children are dead and the other one is uncounsious."
The man said nothing.
The woman said "Honey are you there come on i need your help!"
The man then replied "OH GOD IS THE CAR OK!?"
------------------------------------------------------
A blind man walked into a bar and said "Would anyone like to hear a blonde joke?"
The bar tender replied "Im 6"2 female wrestling champion of the world and im blonde. One of my friends is 6"1 and is the female kickboxing champion of the world and shes blonde. My other friend is 6"0 and is Ninjitsu champion of the world. Would you still like to tell that joke?"
The man replied with "No i dont want to have to explain it 3 times."
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2005
- Messages
- 633
lol yep the cars all that matters
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2006
- Messages
- 10
I have a friend named Jaril and I ask him, "What number is on the 9-ball?" and his brain burned.
lol just kidding couldnt think of anything
lol just kidding couldnt think of anything
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
FACTS
1 Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
2 Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
3 Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
4 Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
5 Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
FACTS
1 Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
2 Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
3 Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
4 Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
5 Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Aussies, British or Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2005
- Messages
- 3,426
very nice joke. but they also speak englisch in holland. in amsterdam and stuff
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2004
- Messages
- 1,329
Oh boy... I suppose certain jokes involving... well here's a sample;
How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail the other hand to the floor
Those are right out I s'pose. Hmm....
Why can't people order food at Mcdonalds?
Because chicken selects
Get it? :lol: ....Well, I thought it was funny...
How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?
Nail the other hand to the floor
Those are right out I s'pose. Hmm....
Why can't people order food at Mcdonalds?
Because chicken selects
Get it? :lol: ....Well, I thought it was funny...
- Joined
- May 11, 2004
- Messages
- 2,863
Well I'll be...
Someone just came back from the dead...
Someone just came back from the dead...
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,940
ZOMG!! a zombie!!
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2004
- Messages
- 1,329
Wait wait wait, here we go;
THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Did I read that sign right?]
THE YEAR'S BEST (actual) HEADLINES OF 2005:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
[Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police
Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[Did I read that sign right?]
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,940
I can't remember if this one has been told in this topic before, but here it is anyway...
http://bgeiger.net/weblog/archives/2005/11/12/best-blonde-joke-ever/
http://bgeiger.net/weblog/archives/2005/11/12/best-blonde-joke-ever/
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
That is the best blonde joke I've heard. Well worth it once you find it.
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2004
- Messages
- 1,329
Hehehe... Blonde jokes....
Ok, so a blonde walks into a shop and asks if she can buy a microwave. The owner says that they don't sell anything to blondes. So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red, and then comes back and asks for a microwave. The owner says they don't sell anything to blondes. The blonde asks how he knew she was blonde.
"Because this is a TV shop."
I should hope everyone knows that one though....
Ok, so a blonde walks into a shop and asks if she can buy a microwave. The owner says that they don't sell anything to blondes. So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red, and then comes back and asks for a microwave. The owner says they don't sell anything to blondes. The blonde asks how he knew she was blonde.
"Because this is a TV shop."
I should hope everyone knows that one though....
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
A highway patrolman pulled along side a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bull horn and yelled , "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
-----------------------------------------------------
And just to be fair, one for blondes.
-----------------------------------------------------
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop. She jumped up and down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers starred at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought you were watching."
THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
-----------------------------------------------------
And just to be fair, one for blondes.
-----------------------------------------------------
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000.00 on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop. She jumped up and down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers starred at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know I thought you were watching."
THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.
- Joined
- Oct 21, 2005
- Messages
- 12
I got a real lame joke I told my dad he couldnt stop laughing.
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick.
HAHAHAHA, **sigh** told u its lame. 
Whats brown and sticky?
A stick.
HAHAHAHA, **sigh** told u its lame. 
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2006
- Messages
- 291
Question - What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Answer - JOE MOMMA!
ROFL!1ONE1!
Ok well that was lame.
Answer - JOE MOMMA!
ROFL!1ONE1!
Ok well that was lame.
- Joined
- May 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,330
olofmoleman said:
Damnit olofmoleman, you made me clicking 2 times before I realised the idea behind it :lol:
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2004
- Messages
- 1,329
Hmm.... :twisted:
(no offense to richard simmons, I think he's an excellent person)
What do the Balrog, Richard Simmons, and a fire elemental all have in common?
They're all flaming! Ok, that was bad
What's funnier then watching C-3PO getting his head taken off?
Jar-Jar Bink's head getting taken off!
What's a corn-cob's favourite dog?
A husky!! But wait, there's more!!
What did George Lucas say to Jar-Jar Binks after episode 1?
Nothing. We took Jar-Jar's head off two jokes ago...
And finally,
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "It's really hot in here." The other turns and screams "Agg! A talking muffin!"
Shut up, I'm not corny at all. I just have a lot of barbecues! (drum set; dun-dun tsch!)
(no offense to richard simmons, I think he's an excellent person)
What do the Balrog, Richard Simmons, and a fire elemental all have in common?
They're all flaming! Ok, that was bad
What's funnier then watching C-3PO getting his head taken off?
Jar-Jar Bink's head getting taken off!
What's a corn-cob's favourite dog?
A husky!! But wait, there's more!!
What did George Lucas say to Jar-Jar Binks after episode 1?
Nothing. We took Jar-Jar's head off two jokes ago...
And finally,
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says "It's really hot in here." The other turns and screams "Agg! A talking muffin!"
Shut up, I'm not corny at all. I just have a lot of barbecues! (drum set; dun-dun tsch!)
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2006
- Messages
- 291
JarrardKO said:
My friends lol'd at that... I guess it wasn't too lame.
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,940
What's funnier then watching C-3PO getting his head
Thats not funny...
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
I'd already said that one but I guess it doesn't hurt to have it where everyone can see it with out going through the pages. It's a damn funny joke.Kerrigan said:
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,940
indeed it is...
and so is your face...
seriously.
and so is your face...
seriously.
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
Which one? my ghoul's face (Avatar) or my RL (Real Life) face? cos I think both are,
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2004
- Messages
- 1,329
Ok, ok. let me get some better progressive jokes then.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put it in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
It's a meeting of all of the animals in the animal kingdom. Which animal doesn't show up?
The giraffe. It's still in the fridge.
I'll bet that one's been told already though.
How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Open the door, put it in, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, close the door.
It's a meeting of all of the animals in the animal kingdom. Which animal doesn't show up?
The giraffe. It's still in the fridge.
I'll bet that one's been told already though.
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,940
indeed, I did, exept without the meeting thingie.
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
Where would you be if:
You have all the money your heart desires...
You have no worries...
You come home and the finest meal is waiting for you...
Your bath water has been run...
You have the perfect kids...
Your partner is awaiting you with opens arms and kisses...
So where would you be...
In the wrong f***ing house......
You have all the money your heart desires...
You have no worries...
You come home and the finest meal is waiting for you...
Your bath water has been run...
You have the perfect kids...
Your partner is awaiting you with opens arms and kisses...
So where would you be...
In the wrong f***ing house......
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2005
- Messages
- 228
Nothing like yo momma jokes right?
Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she bought a video tape on how to fix your VCR!
Yo Mama is so fat that she got baptized at Sea World!
Yo mama is so stupid, she has a glass door with a peep hole.
Yo' mama is so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Yo' Mama is so old, when I told her to act her age she died.
Your mama is so fat, that she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.
Yo Mama is so fat, when she told me her weight I thought it was her phone number.
Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she bought a video tape on how to fix your VCR!
Yo Mama is so fat that she got baptized at Sea World!
Yo mama is so stupid, she has a glass door with a peep hole.
Yo' mama is so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Yo' Mama is so old, when I told her to act her age she died.
Your mama is so fat, that she uses the refrigerator for her lunch box.
Yo Mama is so fat, when she told me her weight I thought it was her phone number.
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2005
- Messages
- 3,426
Almost_there said:
LOL that 1 is cool
here:
* Yo mama's so big, her belly button's got an echo.
* Yo mama's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.
* Yo mama's so big, she rollerskates on busses.
* Yo mama's so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.
* Yo mama's so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker.
* Yo mama's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.
* Yo mama's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.
* Yo mama's so big, she whistles bass.
* Yo mama's so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.
* Yo mama's so big, that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"
* Yo mama's so big, they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.
* Yo mama's so big, when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!
* Yo mama's so big, when she bent down to tie her shoes, her face got burnt from re-entry.
* Yo mama's so big, when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.
* Yo mama's so big, when she stands up the sun goes out.
* Yo mama's so big, when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.
* Yo mama's so big, when you climb on top of her your ears pop.
I also got lists for:
Yo Mamma is So Fat...
Yo Mamma is So Nasty...
Yo Mamma is So Old...
Yo Mamma is So Stupid...
Yo Mamma is So Ugly...
Want me to post em all?
- Joined
- Sep 18, 2005
- Messages
- 228
how many posts would that take up?
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2005
- Messages
- 3,426
i think a whole page
ill just post the 'old' ones
yo mamma so old when she was a kid there was no old spice, it was called baby spice.
yo mama so old she sat behind jesus in the third grade
yo mamma so old she pee'd the great lakes!
Yo mama's so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
Yo mama's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.
Yo mama's so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.
Yo mama's so old, she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party.
Yo mama's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Yo mama's so old, she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.
Yo mama's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Yo mama's so old, her memory is in black and white.
Yo mama's so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
Yo mama's so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.
Yo mama's so old, she baby-sat for Jesus.
Yo mama's so old, her social security number is 1.
Yo mama's so old, when the police asked her for her ID, she gave them a rock.
Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate expired.
Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama's so old, she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama's so old, she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Jesus a nickel.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Moses a quarter.
Yo mama's so old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.
Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama's so old, when God said "Let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.
Yo mama's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.
Yo mama's so old, when she reads the bible she reminisces.
Yo mama's so old, she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible.
Yo mama's so old, she planted the first tree at Central Park.
Yo mama's so old, her birthday expired.
Yo mama's so old, she has Adam & Eve's autographs.
Yo mama's so old, she got slapped by Eve for blowing Adam.
Yo mama's so old, she took friendship pictures with Adam & Eve.
Yo mama's so old, she co-wrote the Ten Commandments.
Yo mama's so old, she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Yo mama's so old, she has an autographed bible.
Yo mama's so old, the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
Yo mama's so old, she farts out mummy dust.
Yo mama's so old, she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Cap'n Crunch while he was still a private.
Yo mama's so old & ugly, her name is Ape.
Yo mama's so old, when she was young rainbows were black and white.
Yo mama's so old, she called the cops when David and Goliath started to fight.
Yo mama's so old and fat that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
Yo mama's so old, she watches PBS.
Yo mama's so old, she's got a pair of Air Moses sneakers.
Yo mama's so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.
Yo mama's so old, when I slapped her on the back her tits fell off.
Yo Mamma So Old she wore air Jesus'.
Yo Mamma's so old, her boobs look like bungie chords.
Yo Mamma's So old, she dated moses
ill just post the 'old' ones
yo mamma so old when she was a kid there was no old spice, it was called baby spice.
yo mama so old she sat behind jesus in the third grade
yo mamma so old she pee'd the great lakes!
Yo mama's so old, she took her drivers test on a dinosaur.
Yo mama's so old, the key on Ben Franklin's kite was to her apartment.
Yo mama's so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.
Yo mama's so old, she DJ'd at the Boston Tea Party.
Yo mama's so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Yo mama's so old, she needed a walker when Jesus was still in diapers.
Yo mama's so old, Jurassic Park brought back memories.
Yo mama's so old, her memory is in black and white.
Yo mama's so old, she has a Jesus Starter jacket.
Yo mama's so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.
Yo mama's so old, she baby-sat for Jesus.
Yo mama's so old, her social security number is 1.
Yo mama's so old, when the police asked her for her ID, she gave them a rock.
Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate expired.
Yo mama's so old, her birth-certificate is in Roman numerals.
Yo mama's so old, she ran track with dinosaurs.
Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Jesus in her yearbook.
Yo mama's so old, she was a waitress at the last supper.
Yo mama's so old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.
Yo mama's so old, she knew the Beetles when they were the New Kids on the Block.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Jesus a nickel.
Yo mama's so old, she owes Moses a quarter.
Yo mama's so old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.
Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.
Yo mama's so old, when God said "Let there be light" she was there to flick the switch.
Yo mama's so old, when Moses split the red sea, she was on the other side fishing.
Yo mama's so old, when she reads the bible she reminisces.
Yo mama's so old, she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible.
Yo mama's so old, she planted the first tree at Central Park.
Yo mama's so old, her birthday expired.
Yo mama's so old, she has Adam & Eve's autographs.
Yo mama's so old, she got slapped by Eve for blowing Adam.
Yo mama's so old, she took friendship pictures with Adam & Eve.
Yo mama's so old, she co-wrote the Ten Commandments.
Yo mama's so old, she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Yo mama's so old, she has an autographed bible.
Yo mama's so old, the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
Yo mama's so old, she farts out mummy dust.
Yo mama's so old, she squirts powdered milk out her nipples.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.
Yo mama's so old, she knew Cap'n Crunch while he was still a private.
Yo mama's so old & ugly, her name is Ape.
Yo mama's so old, when she was young rainbows were black and white.
Yo mama's so old, she called the cops when David and Goliath started to fight.
Yo mama's so old and fat that when God said "Let there be Light", he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
Yo mama's so old, she watches PBS.
Yo mama's so old, she's got a pair of Air Moses sneakers.
Yo mama's so old, when she was born, the Dead Sea was just getting sick.
Yo mama's so old, when I slapped her on the back her tits fell off.
Yo Mamma So Old she wore air Jesus'.
Yo Mamma's so old, her boobs look like bungie chords.
Yo Mamma's So old, she dated moses
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
The old ones are possible if she's a vampire... is she?
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2005
- Messages
- 166
The joke-a-thon is opened! Next 10 posts containing jokes will be rated by me and awarded.I shall be the winner's servant for a whole month on wc3search!!! :lol: :lol:
:lol: :lol:
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2004
- Messages
- 320
27 Facts about David Hasselhoff
1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David Hasselhoff allows to live.
3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.
7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.
8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.
9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.
10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead.
11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.
12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh1t.
14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.
15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.
16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers."
Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.
------------------------------------------------------
I have tons more jokes to be rated if you want.
1. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David Hasselhoff allows to live.
3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.
7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.
8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.
9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.
10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead.
11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.
12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh1t.
14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.
15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.
16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers."
Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
22. When David Hasselhoff does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
25. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.
27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.
------------------------------------------------------
I have tons more jokes to be rated if you want.
- Joined
- Jan 10, 2005
- Messages
- 3,426
HAha, funny, but the real cool facts r on this site:
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
All hail Chuck Norris!
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
All hail Chuck Norris!
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2005
- Messages
- 166
Ahem!!! I said that I will be a wc3search slave for a whole month of the winner of the Joke-A-Thon! 10 days left!!!!!
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2004
- Messages
- 1,940
Can't remember if I told them before here, but here they are anyway...
Why does an elephant wear red socks?
So he won't be noticed in a field full of strawberries
Why does an elephant wear brown socks?
so he won't be noticed when he floats upside down in chocolate pudding.
Why does an elephant wear blue socks?
because it matches the colour of his eyes.
Why does an elephant wear grey socks?
because his blue socks are dirty.
How can you tell if an elephant has been inside the fridge?
footprints in the butter.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To put out burning ducks.
Why does an elephant wear red socks?
So he won't be noticed in a field full of strawberries
Why does an elephant wear brown socks?
so he won't be noticed when he floats upside down in chocolate pudding.
Why does an elephant wear blue socks?
because it matches the colour of his eyes.
Why does an elephant wear grey socks?
because his blue socks are dirty.
How can you tell if an elephant has been inside the fridge?
footprints in the butter.
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To put out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To put out burning ducks.
- Joined
- Sep 22, 2005
- Messages
- 166
Here's one by me(doesn't count 'cus I can't be my slave):
Why are animals not outside at 6 o'clock?
-because elephants train parachuting.
Why are crocodiles so flat?
-because they were outside at 6 o'clock.
Why are animals not outside at 6 o'clock?
-because elephants train parachuting.
Why are crocodiles so flat?
-because they were outside at 6 o'clock.
- Status
