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Short Story Contest #4 - Great War Stories

Discussion in 'Contest Archive' started by Midnighters, Apr 12, 2010.

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  1. Vengeancekael

    Vengeancekael

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    The idea is very nice, i really like it :) Although i hope you will be going into the details as well.
     
  2. TwistedImage

    TwistedImage

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    San'layn. Are in actual lore.

    Edit: Crazy Cow, that seems like a way too large-scaled plot for a 5000 word story. Short stories can't really be that epic or have much lore. I suggest you save that one for your free time - if you like writing, that is.
     
  3. The World Is Flat

    The World Is Flat

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    Cow, maybe you should do the first 'chapter' of this epic tale?
     
  4. naitsirk

    naitsirk

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    Hmm... WIP TIME:)
    Its not a big Story so far:) Only 357 words. But still:) Hope you like it so far.

    WiP Story of "Unnamed"
    The axe came right towards me; I didn’t know what to do. It was like my mind was stuck to one screen. Someone pushed me out of the way, it was him! It was Alexandros, the great legend that had leaded our country to victory in many battles. I didn’t know what to think, or say for that matter. I just couldn’t believe that he would save a mere foot soldier like me. The moment went so quickly, I didn’t know what to do. “Get back to the fight soldier!” his voice was so strong, and so powerful. I could see why people would follow him to the death. I started to shake my head to get my mind in place and then I took up my sword and started fighting, then I woke up. The light of the lanterns blinded me for a moment, and then I saw the beautiful face lying over me. Her hair was long, and black-darkish. “What is it, honey?” her voice was soft and calm, but yet firm, “Did you have that dream again?” I moved to the end of the bed and sat there. “Yes, it keeps showing up. I know it was a long time ago, but the memories of Alexandros and the war keeps coming back. It won’t go away, I’ve tried everything! I’ve even talked to the city mage, but he just say that he can’t do anything about it. He says I’m stuck with it for all eternity.” I felt a soft hand stroke my back as I started at the floor. It was just too hard to live life after it; it had taken me five whole years just to get back to my normal routines.
    Someone knocked at the door. I went towards to open it, when it suddenly smashed open. A man with a guard outfit and a sword in his hand stood right in front of me. He saw down at me, then he called two guards to him and they grabbed me. I tried to resist, but the guards were too strong. The streets were empty, except the guards and me.


    Please give me some critesism and some comments on it:)
    And please let the comments be better then "THIS SUCKED" cause those comments sucks:)
     
  5. The World Is Flat

    The World Is Flat

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    please use hidden, and if anything, make text smaller.
     
  6. naitsirk

    naitsirk

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    There... its smaller and its hidden. :)
     
  7. The World Is Flat

    The World Is Flat

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  8. lateris

    lateris

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    Ok, so i am entering the contest too(is still can right?)
    Heres a WIP(its 910 words so far):
    WIP
    The sun was setting. The sky was red like the dying flame. There were some clouds in the sky, but they were very strange. Some times a lightning ragged down from them, sometimes rain started falling, and then suddenly stopped. Once in a while a meteor pierced through them, leaving holes.
    Beneath the clouds, in the air, armies of flying creatures were biting, scratching, spiting fire and trying to kill any way they could. Blood was showering onto the ground, where another battle was going on. Two armies – an army of humans and a three times bigger army of bloodthirsty creatures. Though the human army was smaller, they were not going to give up. They were trying to fight their way to a big castle that the creatures were protecting.
    In front of the human army stood their leader – a tall man, whose face wasn’t visible because of his helm that had two wings on both sides. His armor was grey, and he had a sword, that wasn’t very long, but its blade was very wide. All the creatures who stood in his way died.
    It looked like the humans could win, because they had mages a lot stronger that the ones the monsters had. Until suddenly, the castle gates opened, and out of it marched more of the bloodthirsty beasts. A human shouted in desperation, when he saw that. Their leader looked at the gates that were still opened and took out a little hourglass from his backpack. When he turned it around, and sand started to shift, time has stopped, and the only one who could still move was the man who held the hourglass.
    He rushed to the castle gate and ran into the castle. A few moments later, the sand in the hourglass ran out and time started flowing again. When that happened the hourglass broke and fell down. The glass remained, but the sand has disappeared. The warrior rushed through the hallway, then up the stone stairs, until he reached a steel door.
    He raised his sword and hit the door. He repeated that a few times, and then kicked it out. The folded steel door flew into the room beyond. The leader of the human army walked into the room.
    It was a spacious room, with walls made out of black marble. A black carpet went through it to a black throne, made out of a strange material. In front of the throne stood a man, who looked similar to the human leader, but his armor was black, and he didn’t have a helm, but instead, he had a hood. The hood covered his face, only his mouth was visible. He had grey as stone skin, and a narrow smile. The dark king’s weapon was a scepter with spikes, so it could be used as a flail. The human warrior let his sword down and then said:
    - You can still stop… - The black king stopped the warrior in the middle of his sentence, and then in a withered tired voice said:
    - It’s too late for me, you know that, so why do you even offer it? Lets just finish this, both of us can’t live. - After that he ran towards the human captain with his scepter-weapon raised. The warrior took a battle stance and waited.
    Then the fight began. Both of them were fighting with all their inhuman speed and strength. Both of them used magic, and other skills that made the whole castle shake. When they couldn’t use another spell, the warrior raised his sword and tried to kill the king in a mortal blow, but the king hit the sword from a side with his scepter, and the sword broke into two halves. A spike from the scepter also fell down.
    The black king laughed and raised his scepter in a final attack, but the warrior grabbed the spike from the ground and tried to stab the king. It was too late. The mighty captain fell on the floor, almost dead. He survived, because he moved away enough, so the blow wouldn’t be deadly. The black king slowly approached, like the grim Death.
    The warrior rose with his remaining strength. His both sword and armor were shattered. He dropped the helm that was now useless. His face was quite young, but his expression was like an old mans, who is tired from life. Warrior’s eye color was white, but not like his eyeballs. His hair was brown, it was quite long, but didn’t reach his shoulders. In his hand, the human captain was still holding a spike from the scepter.
    With a roar he rushed towards the black king, who laughed. Captain raised the spike, like a knife, while the king raised his scepter. When the warrior reached the king, the black king landed his weapon, but not fast enough, because the warrior had already stabbed him with the spike. Then both of them fell to the floor.
    The king died instantly, because the spike struck him into the hearth. The warrior fell down still alive, but without hope to survive, since he was bleeding too much, and because he was mortally wounded. Before his death, a soldier rushed into the throne room, but he couldn’t help the great warrior. The captain looked sad, but relieved before death. He gave the soldier some kind of an orb, and then, died.
     
  9. TwistedImage

    TwistedImage

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    Interesting story, lateris, but your grammar needs vast improvements. You use way too many commas, and a kind of muted language, if you know what I mean.

    Also, er, does that hourglass get to have background lore? A completely random tide-turner is kinda off.

    Lastly, you misspelled "heart." A hearth is a fireplace.
     
  10. lateris

    lateris

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    Yes, i know my grammar isnt good, thats becouse im not from America or England. Oh and about the hourglass - theres a story about that later. Thanks for the comment!
     
  11. naitsirk

    naitsirk

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    No-one Commented on my small WiP;( Except TWIF, who just said to make it hidden and smaller text;(
     
  12. Pyroproctos

    Pyroproctos

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    Fire in the Sky

    I'm subscribing. Here is my works.

    Pyroproctos
    “Quatrevents await their heroes! Join now the Sky Army!”

    Tanarius had never seen a recruiting poster of the Sky Army yet. Of course he had heard of the Sky Army. It was created at the beginning of the century, when the steam engines started to work efficiently enough to send small structures of wood, leather and metal in the air, and keep them in, along with some weapons. Until now, all Tanarius had heard about the Sky Army was that it was a very small group of elite noblemen, wealthy enough to pay the construction and the lookout of a plane. And seeing a plane really was an exception. Tanarius one had seen one. I t was when Sire Longvilliers came at the hotel, he brought his plane with him. He had parked it in the backyard, and all the people came to see it. Tanarius was only eleven at this time. He managed to get through the crowd, and to see, beyond a strong iron fence, guarded by several soldiers, a twenty-foot long bird-like machine, with large wings made of leather taut by wood sticks, each one bearing a steam engine and a propeller. On the long, thin, wooden body, between the two wings, a big steel tank, with many pipes. At the bottom, a tail, also made of leather and wood, and at the front, a strong steel peak, protecting a saddle and some mysterious levers. On the peak, Tanarius could read “The Four Winds”, as two blue arrows were painted on each wing. The Sky Army was mostly seen as the evolution of the early knights, who defended the kingdom of Quatrevents from the invaders and the other kingdoms, until the discovery and the large use of firearms. The dwarves had discovered the gunpowder, probably by accident, but only the humans had enough imagination to use all the power of destruction of it.

    Tanarius was now seventeen, and he could sonly get out of the orphanage. Nobody knew where he came from, the priest who discovered him called him Tanarius, by the name of an ancient hero, who fought the dwarves (Quatrevents was at war against the dwarves, at this time). That was all Tanarius knew about himself. He just lived with this, considering that, anyway, no one could know the origin of the human kind.
    More than one year had now passed since he had seen the Sky Army poster. Now, we could see them everywhere, the Sky Army and the Sky Navy. Quatrevents was at war, against the northern kingdom of Crimson. There had been many wars between Quatrevents and Crimson, mostly for colonial purposes, mostly won by Crimson. This time, the fight had taken another dimension. The main area of conflict was over the western seas, but, apart of some naval battles at the beginning, both sides were fighting in the airs. Crimson firstly made large use of planes and air fleets, using airships as bases. Quatrevents nearly lost all of their sea ships, harassed by the uncountable clouds of planes, and bombed by the unreachable airships. That brought Crimson to have full control of all of the western lands, cutting Quatrevents off their colonies. Now, the whole war happened in the skies. And Quatrevents started to build large plane workshops, and huge alchemy laboratories to make gases and fuel for the Sky Navy. The time of the knights was gone, again.
    Tanarius was reading at the orphanage library, when a priest came and talked to him :
    “Tanarius ?
    -Yes, saint ?
    -You know you’re now seventeen…
    -Yes.
    -And you’ll so be able to live your own life…
    -Yes, I won’t be under the orphanage authority anymore, and I’ll leave…
    -Tanarius, are you a patriot ?”
    Tanarius’ eyes kept wide open. He had immediately understood what it was about. As a state building, the orphanage had to help the country by all the ways it could. In times of war, the most appreciated way was to give orphans. Tanarius was not really afraid of war-though he did not know why he arrived in an orphanage-what really scared him was that Quatrevents was losing this war. And it had never been a good thing to be in a losing army. Tanarius slowly closed his book, and carefully put it back in the shelf, among the others, and headed for his room.
    “Happy to see you’ve understood, Tanarius. May gods help you.” There was sadness in the priest’s voice, but Tanarius thought it would be even scarier if there were happiness.
    (to be continued)
     
  13. phoenixfire

    phoenixfire

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    I'll join, its about time a theme like this came up for a writing contest :p
     
  14. TwistedImage

    TwistedImage

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    I just cut 767 words off my story after not having written anything for two days because it was lame.

    Oh, the agony!

    New idea is cool though.
     
  15. phoenixfire

    phoenixfire

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    I have a quick question. If I'm going to make mine around 5000 words, can I like make the first 2000 words without a war? Cause at the beginning theres just a few raids and some of the main characters are trying to overthrow the king, which will cuase the war.
     
  16. Freyleyes

    Freyleyes

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    I am in

    Does it have to be a story about a big war, or can it be a small battle with one guy fighting a horde of enemies or something like that?
     
  17. Midnighters

    Midnighters

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    It can be anything pertaining to a war.
     
  18. TwistedImage

    TwistedImage

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  19. Grey Nightmare

    Grey Nightmare

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    Just as long as it references a war in some way shape or form, it's fine.

    The WIP deadline approaches people, don't forget.
     
  20. Traxamillion

    Traxamillion

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    Heres my WIP

    WIP
    Once upon a time...
     
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