# I'm hosting an online Exorcism channel

Off-Topic Moderator
Level 38
Tell me all your ghost problems and I will cast them back into hell using algorithms and mathematics.

#### Zombie

Level 34
My cat is behaving oddly. I think he might need to be exorcised.

#### Heinvers

Arena Moderator
Level 52
I think I'm haunted at night, I can hear screams next to my bed. Can you help?

#### Zombie

Level 34
Also, I have a good friend who's a better mathematical exorcist than you, I think I'll choose him instead.

His equation is as follows: Xn-\$20 000=Depossession, in which X marks your bank account.

His method is guaranteed to work 0,99% of all cases.

I think I'm haunted at night, I can hear screams next to my bed. Can you help?

I occasionally hear it from my girlfriend in bed. She might be possessed too now that you say it.

#### The_Taxidermist

Level 11
Every Halloween I'm visited by the ghost of Christmas future. He keeps showing me my open grave filled with candy and it's just a mess of an omen altogether. Can you get him a diary or something so he can show up on the right day? thx.

Off-Topic Moderator
Level 38
I think I'm haunted at night, I can hear screams next to my bed. Can you help?
You are clearly haunted by the tormented spirit of Jerzy Neyman. Interval statements about parameters go back a very long way and have taken several distinct spiritual forms. I believe you can banish this spirit by getting an impression of the expectation μ, e.g. the simple mean: µ = 1/n * Ʃ (Xi) within the given interval.

Also, I have a good friend who's a better mathematical exorcist than you, I think I'll choose him instead.

His equation is as follows: Xn-\$20 000=Depossession, in which X marks your bank account.

His method is guaranteed to work 0,99% of all cases.
Typical charlatan shenanigans. You can tell by his sloppy notation.

Every Halloween I'm visited by the ghost of Christmas future. He keeps showing me my open grave filled with candy and it's just a mess of an omen altogether. Can you get him a diary or something so he can show up on the right day? thx.
He drives a hard bargain. I channeled my inner eye and mentally linked him to AMS mathematical calendar. Hopefully this will resolve everything.

#### Keiji

Level 32
I have a problem with material creatures, whenever I lift something they scream.

#### trolman

Level 41
I bet you cant dispell my lack of a girlfriend!

#### The_Taxidermist

Level 11
Every time I commit heresy I'm erroneously directed to the third circle of the inferno. I'm exhausted and I have tried to lodge a complaint but the underworlds complaints department is a literal bureaucratic hell.

#### Keiji

Level 32
I'm exhausted and I have tried to lodge a complaint but the underworlds complaints department is a literal bureaucratic hell.

That literally took away all the fun of it.
- You're slipping, Tax.

Level 36
Every time I commit heresy I'm erroneously directed to the third circle of the inferno. I'm exhausted and I have tried to lodge a complaint but the underworlds complaints department is a literal bureaucratic hell.

Appeal through me, I know a guy who knows a guy.

#### Zombie

Level 34

Off-Topic Moderator
Level 38
I have a problem with material creatures, whenever I lift something they scream.
I only deal in the immaterial. For material questions I refer you to Madonna Louise Ciccone.

I bet you cant dispell my lack of a girlfriend!
tru.

Every time I commit heresy I'm erroneously directed to the third circle of the inferno. I'm exhausted and I have tried to lodge a complaint but the underworlds complaints department is a literal bureaucratic hell.
You can settle this by recursion. File complaints about the underworld complaints department, i.e. complaints partly defined in terms of itself, and it will recursively loop back on itself infinitely in the fiery plane.

i'm not here, shhhhhh
Hello. As you are now not here physically, that obviously means that I am the only one who can talk to you. I am an online exorcist. The current residents of this establishment wishes to contact you. I can use mathematical channels to summon you like an eldritch horror by creating a psuedo-psychic link between your departed soul and the fabric of this polyester polyamide towel.

Come forth!

Level 36
Hello. As you are now not here physically, that obviously means that I am the only one who can talk to you. I am an online exorcist. The current residents of this establishment wishes to contact you. I can use mathematical channels to summon you like an eldritch horror by creating a psuedo-psychic link between your departed soul and the fabric of this polyester polyamide towel.

Come forth!

Goddamnit. *is compelled forth from the depths*

Level 32

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