A little different...

[DaedraEater]

Something extremely new I'm trying, just thought I'd post what I've written so far, constructive critiscim = please!!

----

A field, blood-soaked and littered with the remains of a battle. But someone... was still a live; a man, The insignia of the Black Fist upon his shield. Blade raised to the sky. he ran toward the viewer, at a steady pace, slashing his blade as if his soul was inside it.

The boy was up in a flash, but didn’t like the sight above him…

“Why look who we have here…” sneered the boy, “So Eeafin you thought that you could get away with what you did…”

“Did… what? What Ernalr?”

“Why, not finishing my report on the types of long-swords of course!” Laughed Ernalr maliciously

“You think just because I’m not in the Master’s ill-favored list, makes me an automatic target? No I’m sick of this, if you think you’re so tough lets see how you fare in a real spar, come on, I dare you!”

Ernalr looked unsteady; he knew that Eafin’s background was bleak and that his birth clan was unknown. "But he Ernalr Grimfox would not give up to such a challenge, not too such a scrawny example such as this!"

 

[Draemiel]

Your sentences are a bit unclear. Try taking out the sections you have surrounded in commas and see how they sound. For instance in the first line remove the blood-soaked and littered section, and you get:
"A field but still someone was standing, a man."
Doesn't quite make sense does it? Also, put a semicolon between standing and a man. "... but still someone was standing; a man."

In the second sentence it's a bit awkward too. "The insignia of the Black Fist upon his shield he ran toward the viewer." The first part doesn't quite describe his action as he ran. You need to work on matching descriptions. "Blade raised to the sky, he ran towards the viewer." would work better.

Keep an eye on where you use your commas. Don't be afraid to use semicolons or even break it up with a period.

On the last line, keep in mind that unnecessary descriptions are surrounded in commas. "But he Ernalr Grimfox would not give up..." The "Ernalr Grimfox" name is not necessary for us to understand that "he" means "Ernalr Grimfox". Put commas around the name to keep it there:
"But he, Ernalr Grimfox, would not give up..."

Keep at it!