"For the fashion-conscious dragonslayer who knows it pays to advertise, the Wyrmslayer Shield will provide unbeatable protection and soothing refreshment in the hottest of climates. Comes with 10 feet of spare chain and a pot of glue for quick repairs. Order now and we'll throw in half a dozen self-adhesive spikes absolutely free!"
Dude, can't wait for a funny parody RPG/fantasy/something map from you.