- Joined
- Jul 24, 2009
- Messages
- 5,622
so here's a short 'story' i wrote a couple of years ago for a school assignment. deemed 'too meta' by a teacher, i ended up not using it and scrapping this story completely. somehow, i happened upon it recently and had a quick read-through. even though looking back on it, the humour is a tad juvenile and the structure might be... unorthodox, i reckon it's still a fun read that explores a couple existential themes (and try to keep an open mind).
Stream of Unconsciousness
There was black for an eternity. But it was the shortest eternity ever, for I could not for the life of me recall its exact length. Or maybe it was the longest? Or of a moderate duration? After much thinking I decided there was a more pressing question at hand.
Why can I still think?
"You mean you could. Now you can't."
Wait... who is that and what the hell are you talking about?
"Well how can you think if you don't exist? The mere premise is completely illogical. Only a living thing can have a brain, and thus can facilitate the complex bio-chemical processes involved with synap-"
Hold on a second, wasn't there a dude that said 'I think, therefore I am'?
"Yes, I said that. But that was when I was alive. Now I'm not and I've realised that there is as much correlation within that claim as 'I secretly like to smell my own farts, therefore the Star Wars prequels are objectively the best motion pictures in existence.'"
"I resent the latter part of your analogy."
"Me too."
"Also me."
Wait, there's more than one person here?
"Technically, there's zero, because none of us are persons because none of us exist. But really, there's 10 360 248 117 042. Basically - wait, no - literally every single soul that has ever existed."
"Not every soul feels like talking. Some have been around for billions of years so you can understand they'd be tired of constant dialogue, some are rude, and some are newbies like yourself who are shocked that they're not in a heaven of some sort right now."
Alright, alright. Let me backtrack… I remember being unhappy at a point in time, but I can't pinpoint exactly why… something to do with a girl I think, or maybe it was after a particularly nasty poop. I walked onto a road - intently, I think - and there was a light that blindsided me… then there was black. Now I'm here, and where exactly is here?
"'Here' is the afterlife. As for your memory, sounds like a suicide to me."
"Hey, join the club! We've currently got one billion members. Most of us are bees though…"
"bzzzzzzzz"
So the afterlife is essentially a collective of disembodied voices belonging to every deceased person… and bee... in history? Was every other explanation of what happens after death wrong, does everyone's consciousness just perpetually drift in this nihilistic state of non-existence? What about Jesus, was he real after all? I mean I wasn't ever religious, but this being hu-and-bee-manity's ultimate fate is overwhelmingly cynical.
"I was real, but unfortunately tales of my death have been greatly exaggerated. As for life, or rather death, it is indeed a bitch."
Did Jesus' dead consciousness just cuss?
"Yes."
Well this sucks. Guess I'm going to be here for a long time then, so I'd better make friends. Anyone like Fight Club?
"Yeah."
"The film or the novel?"
"God that film was awful."
"Best movie ever!"
"You should kill yourself for being the 769,053rd mentioner of that abomination."
Never mind.
Stream of Unconsciousness
There was black for an eternity. But it was the shortest eternity ever, for I could not for the life of me recall its exact length. Or maybe it was the longest? Or of a moderate duration? After much thinking I decided there was a more pressing question at hand.
Why can I still think?
"You mean you could. Now you can't."
Wait... who is that and what the hell are you talking about?
"Well how can you think if you don't exist? The mere premise is completely illogical. Only a living thing can have a brain, and thus can facilitate the complex bio-chemical processes involved with synap-"
Hold on a second, wasn't there a dude that said 'I think, therefore I am'?
"Yes, I said that. But that was when I was alive. Now I'm not and I've realised that there is as much correlation within that claim as 'I secretly like to smell my own farts, therefore the Star Wars prequels are objectively the best motion pictures in existence.'"
"I resent the latter part of your analogy."
"Me too."
"Also me."
Wait, there's more than one person here?
"Technically, there's zero, because none of us are persons because none of us exist. But really, there's 10 360 248 117 042. Basically - wait, no - literally every single soul that has ever existed."
"Not every soul feels like talking. Some have been around for billions of years so you can understand they'd be tired of constant dialogue, some are rude, and some are newbies like yourself who are shocked that they're not in a heaven of some sort right now."
Alright, alright. Let me backtrack… I remember being unhappy at a point in time, but I can't pinpoint exactly why… something to do with a girl I think, or maybe it was after a particularly nasty poop. I walked onto a road - intently, I think - and there was a light that blindsided me… then there was black. Now I'm here, and where exactly is here?
"'Here' is the afterlife. As for your memory, sounds like a suicide to me."
"Hey, join the club! We've currently got one billion members. Most of us are bees though…"
"bzzzzzzzz"
So the afterlife is essentially a collective of disembodied voices belonging to every deceased person… and bee... in history? Was every other explanation of what happens after death wrong, does everyone's consciousness just perpetually drift in this nihilistic state of non-existence? What about Jesus, was he real after all? I mean I wasn't ever religious, but this being hu-and-bee-manity's ultimate fate is overwhelmingly cynical.
"I was real, but unfortunately tales of my death have been greatly exaggerated. As for life, or rather death, it is indeed a bitch."
Did Jesus' dead consciousness just cuss?
"Yes."
Well this sucks. Guess I'm going to be here for a long time then, so I'd better make friends. Anyone like Fight Club?
"Yeah."
"The film or the novel?"
"God that film was awful."
"Best movie ever!"
"You should kill yourself for being the 769,053rd mentioner of that abomination."
Never mind.
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