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[Idea] Item Flavor Texts

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Doomlord

Doomlord

Doomlord

Level 16
Joined
Dec 15, 2011
Messages
1,423
Post your idea for item flavor texts here! This will be the official depository from which we will choose the best ones and import them later. You should divide them into parts with each part about 10-15 texts. Include an icon if possible. In case your item uses a rather obscure reference, please kindly wrap it in [abbr][/abbr] tag

Recommended format:

  • Item #1 Name: text. Icon
  • Item #2 Name: text. Icon

[hidden="Part + (Roman number)"][list][*][b]Item #1 Name[/b]: text. [url=Icon Link]Icon[/url][*][abbr=My Reference][b]Item #2 Name[/b]: text.[/abbr] [url=Icon Link]Icon[/url][/list][/hidden]
 

Pourquoi

Pourquoi

Pourquoi

Level 7
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
316
Doom asked me to repost my texts here.

Viper Claw: But vipers don't even HAVE claws!!!1
<...>: A generic <...> made of <...>. It has a small lapis lazuli in the hilt that doesn't do anything at all!
Mythril Sword: A sword forged from the highly unique-to-this-setting metal called 'mythril'. It's not an especially exciting sword. Its favourite colour is probably grey.
(Nature-related thingy): A semi-legendary <...> used by some great Shaman hero eons ago. It is said that when he died, a forest grew around his grave, and his <...> was lost deep within it. Or something to that effect.
Spear: A simple spear often used by generic, expendable soldiers.
Stick: A large, sturdy stick, found on the gr- no! It's a Mighty Hero's Magic Sword, of course!
(material) (item name): A <...> made of... well, you can probably work it out somehow.
Bone Axe: A primitive but effective axe, made from the thigh bone of a large beast and the pelvis-type thing of some probably different beast, maybe.
Boneslicer: A sword made from the bones of some great dead beast, meant for slicing the bones of other great beasts.
Heart Pendant: It has a love heart at the locket!
Fairy Feather: A delicate feather made by forest spirits, out of forest spirits!

Magic Blouse: This piece of everyday clothing is magically enchanted to provide enhanced defence. But why?!?
Wooden Shield: A round shield made of wood. Pretty light, but offers only some small protection. Good for poor people!
<...>: A suit of heavy armour, forged for and worn by a legendary Paladin. It's meant to represent the rigidity and... protection of the Paladin Code or something?
Regal Crown: A golden crown that once belonged to some kind of monarch. Looks expensive!
Elf Cap: A lovely green cap thing, worn by young heroes out to save their worlds from evil pig men.
<...>: A <...> which is attuned to the physical wavelengths and body chakras such that it increases the potential of the body of the wearer. Or something like that.
<...>: A <...> which is attuned to the mental wavelengths and mind chakras such that it increases the potential of the mind of the wearer. Or something like that.
Amethyst: A coloured variety of quartz, usually used to adorn jewellery or armour. It's superstitiously believed to protect from intoxication, but this has never been proved in the slightest.
Keyblade: No, this has nothing to do with Kingdom Hearts. Nothing at all. It's not even a reference to it or anything.
<...>: This is rather unpleasant. Why did you pick it up? Ew.
Bone: An old bone from some kind of creature that presumably had a skeleton.
Pixie Dust: A rare type of magical dust which pixies naturally produce. It doesn't allow you to fly, unfortunately.
Zombie Hand: It's, uh, a zombie's hand... What would you want THAT for? Practical jokes, probably. You sicken me.
Warp Stone: A type of magical stone that can somehow allow a person to travel as if casting the Warp spell. You can't use it though. Why? Because. Shut up.
Big Creepy Eye: A large, squishy eyeball. It seems to be constantly watching you...
<...>: You managed to finally get that <...> that you always dreamed of, thus furthering your rise to Omnipotent Overlord. One day. Then they'll see.
Steel Staff: Warning: Do not use during thunderstorms.

Kite Shield: Kite Shields are often used by knights. Possibly because 'knight" and "kite' rhyme. But probably not.
Bronze Shield: A bronze squarish shield. Obviously.
Leather Helm: A leatherish helm to protect your noggin.
<...>: This is the <...>. Its name is stupid.
<...> Robe: A robe <...>. It has 'mind-enhancing' effects.
Crystal Ball: A clear crystal orb. It's probably magical. I mean, everything else is...
Runestone: A magical runestone that's totally not a potato.
Trousers: Generic grey office trousers, meant to prevent you from standing out. But at least they let you stand UP without shaming yourself!!!!
Shirt: A fancy pink shirt and brown tie that you think make you look like a man of good taste. You are deluded.
Flowers: A bouquet of flowers. They're a convenient way of expressing emotions if you lack the capacity to do so verbally, which you certainly do!
Brush: I think someone needs to invent a toothbrush that doubles as a hair brush and toilet brush so then you don't have to buy all three

Toy Sword: It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then you get XP and gold.
Woodsman's Hatchet: A hatchetless woodsman is crying somewhere. I hope you're happy.
Magic Wand: Why is it when a stick has any magic at all it's suddenly a wand?
<A> of <B>: Is '<B>' a word? Maybe it's the brand name.
Training Sword: It's rounded off on the end. There's writing on the blade that says 'Stick 'em with the pointy end'.
Glowing <...>: Batteries included. Still doesn't seem right, though.
Brutal Axe: When killing something with a regular axe just isn't brutal enough...
Pirate's Cutlass: Because no self-respecting pirate stereotype would be caught dead with a straight sword.
The Rock: It's a massive stone hammer. It's called 'The Rock' because 'Dwayne Johnson' sounds less threatening.
Goth Staff: I think it's actually called Infinite Despair, but it's totally goth. It's got a skull and everything.
Hardcore Staff: Show off your awesome skills. Try not to hit the furniture or end up on YouTube.
Murderer's Axe: There's really no question about its use.
Forest Hammer: That is to say it's a rock tied to a stick.
Pike: Not a fish.
Unliving Sword: Not really that strange, given that most swords aren't alive.
Future Bow: It's from the future.
Crescent Staff: Maybe this is what they used to open those cans of tuna.
Ice Hammer: Using it is like hitting people with a really hard snowball that never breaks!
Venomous Fangs: Juggling these would be a bad idea.
<...>: Cuts through nearly nothing.

Wanderer's Cloak: Clothing designed for the discerning mysterious wanderer.
Barrel Lid: Kinda looks like a shield from far away. Too bad you're not fighting things that are far away.
Leather Armour: An entire family of hard-working toilet paper rolls lost their lives in the making of this armour.
Shield of Cowardice: Light enough so that it doesn't slow you down in your inevitable and laughable attempt at escape.
Class Ring: Makes you feel smart. S-M-R-T. Too bad it doesn't improve your spelling skills.
Diploma: It's from Protection of the Cheese Secondary School where guidance counsellors extol the virtues of a career in 'killing things for loot'.
Rusty <...>: I hope you have your tetanus shots.
Rusty Leggings: At least there aren't any holes in the most important places.
Iron Leggings: The salesman said you could kick him between the legs all day. I'm assuming he meant with the armour on.
Round Shield: As an added bonus, you could use it as a spare wheel for a wagon.
Crusader's Shield: Relic of the Crusades. Or perhaps just used to defend against English football hooligans.
Stone Boots: Might come in handy if you wanted to walk underwater, but on land they just make you look like Frankenstein's monster.
Scorpion Ring: Still sounds better than 'Dwayne Johnson'. 'Dwayne Johnson grants +2 agility and strength'... nope doesn't make sense.
Slime Shield: It's just a wooden shield, but there's still sentient green slime all over it. It doesn't want to get off, and you're tired of arguing with it... since it usually wins the argument.
Witch Cloak: If it's too feminine, you can tell yourself it's a Batman cape or something.
Forest Tunic: It's made of leaves, so it's pretty light. Also protects you like it's made of leaves, so... yeah.
Golden <...>: Pricey. Guess why?
Fire Ring: Burns a permanent ring into your finger.
Robot Alien Heart: Crossbreeding on a whole other level.
Friend Request: Send it to yourself and you'll have one guaranteed friend.

King's Sword: A kingly sword, doing a kingly amount of damage in the hands of a kingly warrior.
Bug Shield: A shield full of packets of pheromones which can be released to call a bug. What do you mean, 'the pheromones wouldn't do that'? Well, it must be magic, then. Yes. A wizard did it.
Bone Armour: This item's name might make you think that it's an armour suit made from bones, but you'd be right if you thought that. Completely correct.
<Potion thing>: A potion which can <...>. Probably 'cause it's orange. It's not made from oranges, though. Does that make you cry? I bet it does.
Ice Crystal: This blue gem reflects light with a wavelength of approximately 495 nm.
<...>: This is your regular equipment... on steroids. Alright, alright, it's just a paint job and a nice decal.
<Music-related thing>: It's a bit disheartening, thinking that I try hard to teach myself music skills and to come up with pleasant melodies and so on and so forth, and it doesn't really mean anything to anybody, and never really will, while some arrogant wight becomes a gazillionaire by boasting about how he lives in a giant golden gun murdering prostitutes, over the top of a repetitive beat. Oh well.
Skeletal Stone: A skeleton's beating heart.
Pirate Sock: Arrr this be one smelly sock.
Crab Book: Tells the thrilling tale of Crabby the Crab who defended the honour of Crabs across Crab Coast.
Candy Ball: Contains 9001 calories.
Book of Face: The subtitle reads, 'Privacy isn't really necessary. Uber!'
Heart Container: Another heart never hurts.

Lightning Boots: So zetta slow!
Fishpaste Family Shield: There's a small message engraved on the back side: 'Shield of John Fishpaste, the Third of His Name, who died valiantly while fighting a fish hook.'
Calculator: 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751058209749445923078164 062862089986280348253421170679821480865132823066470938446095 5058223172535940812848111!!!
Legion <...>: The greaves of the standard <...>'s uniform. They differ in the Army's purpose in that they live only to protect the Emperor. Their food is quite a bit better as well - they get Taco Tuesdays instead of Tuna Tuesdays.
Cardboard <...>: Do not go swimming with these on.
Horseshoe: Why is it lucky to find an old horseshoe? Some poor horse probably got hurt, what's lucky about that?
Lettuce Shield: It's a hell of a lot stronger than it looks, tastes good too.
Bone Dust: High in calcium.
 

Doomlord

Doomlord

Doomlord

Level 16
Joined
Dec 15, 2011
Messages
1,423
  • Omnisword: Say hello to my little friend!
  • Skeleton Cape: An ominous cape great for Halloween. Only $10.99 with free shipping.
  • Steel Round Shield: In the past it was a garbage bin's bottom. Now it is a shield!
  • Sharp Knife: A knife so sharp that only looking at it will...Ouch!
  • Manly Axe: Your testoterone level rises just by holding it!
  • Shadow Cloak: Stay in da hood.
  • Grabthar's Hammer: What a savings...
  • Short Sword: You're gonna need a bigger sword.
  • Map Scroll: Travel by map.
  • Battle Long Bow: For dispensing arrows to knees.
  • Grand Staff: Pass, you shall not.
  • Cybernetic Mask: KSSSHHH KUUUHHH
  • Sapphere Staff: Ice to meet you!
 

Daffa

Daffa

Daffa

Level 44
Joined
Jan 30, 2013
Messages
12,333

Spartipilo

Spartipilo

Spartipilo

Level 20
Joined
Jul 14, 2011
Messages
3,213

I'm not very good with English (I'm from Venezuela), lets see how it goes:

- Diapers: Warning: Biohazard.
- Gum: With citrus thing on the center!
- Lollypop: Do you have what it takes to reach its core?
- Dentist Drill: Sounds as hell, hurts as well.
- Scissors: Run at your own risk
- Toilet Smelly Tablet: Smells like it's has been already used
- Book: Reading never killed anyone. Be the first!
 

Da Fist

Da Fist

Da Fist

Level 9
Joined
Dec 21, 2011
Messages
332
Since I cannot find appropriate icons, I'll leave em blank.
  • Magic Ring: Give it to the person you are precious with!
  • Fading Cloth: Use this to sneak into girl's bathroom to enter a chamber!
  • Katana: Because wielding three of these are possible.
  • Laser Gun: Reduce your aim to zero percent!
  • Glasses: Perfect disguise for awesome superheroes.
  • Helmet of Fire: This thing is on fireeeeeee.
  • Water bottle: Refreshing drink, and can deal a critical strikes on a pop star.
  • Ballpoint pen: For those who have crazy ADHD.
  • Map: Guide yourself with the first GPS with singing disorder.
  • Cat's Paw: You will haz interwebz.
  • Apple Sword: Everything you see will be ripped off!
  • Jacket: Found in a closet with a witch and a lion.
  • Broomstick: Sweeping at your home at firebolt speed!
  • Devil's Dress: It's not a dress, it's a standard Dreadlord uniform.
  • Orb of Magic: Mark random people with a letter ' M '.
  • Essence of Fairies: You need this to save the world.
  • Observer Ward: One does not simply walk into a battle.
  • Severed hand: For those who fail parenting. Especially those living in space.
  • Gemstone: Duct tape to armor or weapon to gain magic.
  • Blue hat: Become a fresh prince!
  • Red hat: Must. Resist. Catching. Everything!
  • Green Crystal: You can mindlessly control anybody.
  • Walkie Talkie: Insulting you with names everytime you die. Snake.
  • Hand Saw: Found in a chamber with two dead bodies and chains.
  • Mushroom: Found in a Italian chamber with dead turtles.
  • 44 Magnum: Feeling lucky, punk?
  • Crazy Mask: Tell them this is an item, and everybody loses their minds!
  • Running shoes: Now go away and keep qwoping around the corner.
  • Bomb: Danger: Do not trap yourself. May cause severe burns.
  • Dinosaur tongue: Everything it touches turns into eggs.
  • Shark fins: It must be a big Haggard to the shark.
  • Immortal letter: Repeatedly found in streets.
  • Flame Balls]: Collect all seven to revive people.
  • Heavy Machinery: Add to a innocent animal and then you have art.
  • Bat Blade: Mysteriously added with Sodium.
  • White Pouch: Can contain anything.
  • Wrecked Credit Card: From frustrated parents in a place with endless summer.
  • Blades of Attack: Sorry, bub.
  • Black Pearl: From a pirate who never ages.
  • Plumber's Hat: Breathe endlessly on water!
  • Farmer's Hat: Also can be used as frisbee, or chainsaw!
  • Bloody Hook: Taken from a yellow ninja.
  • Star nosepiece: From a hero down the sea.
  • One Eyed Goggle: Banana. Bananana.

  • Dented Shield: Confiscated item from a guy finding a profession.
  • Red Potion: For wannabe vampires!
  • Blue Potion: Alligator's aid for magic.
  • Lava Staff: Turns the floor literally into lava!
  • Light Staff: Lighten everything up to claim your kingdom!
  • Smoking Crossbow: Eall ye sculan dost, is folgian se aweirgan train, CJ!
  • Resurrection Stone: The secret of a teenager, Kenny.
  • Cerberus Meat: Best seller in the Hell's Diner. Great for three hundred.
  • Butcher Knife: Favorite weapon of your favorite doll ( dead bodies not included ).
  • Regal Cloak: Gains immunity to gravity if you land in hay.
  • Gray Skull: Turns you half naked while singing : Heeyeayeayehea~
  • Oracle Sword: Thunder, thunder, thunder, hooooooooo!
  • Monkey Staff: This thing will hurt, or not. It doesn't matter, it's in the past.
  • Pink Gel: A very cool gel, that can reproduce with your cells.
  • Royal Dress: Warning : May cause giant turtles kidnapping you. If ever, call 555-PLUMBERS.

Whew. Will update later.
 
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