01:13, 18th Dec 2010
ap0calypse: Rejected

Looks plain, and description is lacking. Please improve. Rating pending.

Here is my review of your cinematic.
INTRO:
I find the intro a bit :\ by the way you've started off the cinematic isn't really effective use of the filters and cameras. It will add a more :O effect if you've actually started off dark then cleared the screen. When you move on to the next texts on the map the camera effect is badly used since you'll be able to see the terrain therefore it's really badly used. You should once again use filters to darken the screen or be creative so you are covering up most of the terrain when you're moving onto the next set of texts.

SCENE1:
The camera angles used in the first bit could be improved if you've revolved the camera around them while they're talking since leaving the camera idle in one spot while having an empty scenery can really impact the cinematic greatly in a bad way. So please add doodads to the background of each scenery to add a spaceship effect and use the cameras in an effective way to add a spooky/curious/funny/etc effect to the cinematic depending on its genre. At the end the character walks through the door instead of going in the middle. You need to add pathing blockers around the sides otherwise they will go off course and walk into some strange places.

SCENE2:
The camera once again can be improved by what I said in scene1 but be more creative. This time you've added some doodads to the scenery but it's a cinematic, you could use a lot of custom doodads here like adding some technology, you don't need to worry about the file size since it's a cinematic. The way the camera moves just reveals a lot of the ship and doesn't really seem good but the use of the camera effects here does fit what happens in the scene. When the alarm goes off you could add a red filter effect to add a more "What's going on?" or just make it repeat the filter to add a lock down effect to the scene. You could at least make the camera follow the 4 units as they walk out since you've once again left the camera idle for a few seconds just so we can see an empty scene. Also the angle of the camera in the next bit isn't used that well. We can hardly see what's going on at this angle with the wall blocking the bottom and the angle that its at is terrible. Please think about which way the camera would be best to show everything you what the viewers to see properly. The units actually looking at each other, I believe you're using a single region therefore this has happened. Another way to stop this from happening is create a separate region or change where they move to an offset or a point of the region you've created so they are actually look at the wreckage.
You cannot "Turn off the fires" but you can take out the fires.

SCENE3:
You really need to work on the camera angles here and add some more doodads to the scenery. The camera angle blocks the units out of sight when they are going up the ramp. When it gets zoomed in into the little creep you can hardly see it as it is not centered properly onto it and when the camera moves back it'll go through one of the units. Again you could see the surroundings on the map which is not good for a cinematic as you want to get the viewers attention on one area of the scene instead of them looking out into the open seeing nothing but empty terrain or the places you've already been through in the past few scenes.

END:
When the cinematic end you haven't added a win/defeat at the end therefore I am able to control all the units on the map, please fix this otherwise it'll also have a negative to the cinematic.

DIALOGUE:
The authors comments as well as some of the units dialogue needs to be check for improper grammar uses. You need to add some "." and start new sentences with capitals as well as putting "I" "I'm" as capitals or start a new message since I'm just reading it straight to the end without stops except those "..." which I'll let you past as it'll give the readers the wait effect. Please don't use slang language or spelling unless it's necessary.

MY NOTES:
The camera uses in this cinematic isn't really effectively used for all of the scenes. Another way to hide off most of the terrain is to do each part in a different area of the map and block off all the vision around it, otherwise you'll need to learn how to position your cameras to hide off those areas. The background of all the scenes are quite plain, mostly in the corridors which doesn't seem to have a spaceship effect since it's quite large and empty. You should use custom models and music to give each scene a mood. You need to check the dialogue over since you're not spelling the words correctly and some parts needs to have proper grammar punctuation.

Just take a look at the other cinematic on the Hive and you'll see a lot of what I said in their maps and maybe they are even more creative with what they do. My notes are just basic guidelines you should follow. You've done pretty well for a first timer but if you want to perfect your cinematic, you need to learn how to use all of the triggers properly and effectively.

RATING:1/5 LACKING
I'm going to let you off with the description this time, but you should see what needs to be fixed if you actually took time to read what you've written.You should be considered lucky as I don't give detailed reviews like this one to anyone these days.
Good luck with future cinematics

Well, I am taking you're advice into consideration and completely changing the cameras, adding doodads, more music for the mood, and fixing spelling errors.

thanks for the review