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Diary of a Tree by the Side of the Road

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This is something I actually wrote in a Portuguese test, we had to write a piece of diary where the narratoe would remember someone dear who they never got to say goodbye to, and what he would say to that someone. I thought: instead of writing some depressing thing saying goodbye to a family person (there were many people crying during that test), let's see how I can stretch my imagination in this stressful situation, and this came out, by far one of my favorite "stories". I tried and translated it, hope it's good enough. Feedback apreciated, as always.

Diary of a Tree by the Side of the Road

Sunday, October 20th, 2020

Another day. The wind blows, the sun rises and sets, nothing more. Here, by this road I have stayed for over one hundred years. Here I’ve seen children grow, houses rise and fall. There was a time where all of this was but farming land as far as the eye could see. Now, the man has come, built, destroyed, molded the landscape, and I am still here and will remain for a couple more years.

Despite all I have lived, there is still one question in my mind. I wonder: what happened to that leaf? Her and many others. There’s so much I’d like to tell her. I wished to tell her how everything changed. To tell her every word that the wind has whispered to me about the world. To show her this swing that now hangs from my branches. To tell her the countless stories of those that now rest beneath my roots. But I can’t. She’s been gone for a long time, a beautiful, sweet thankless creature taken by the Autumn Brise. She and many others. I wish she would tell me how it is to be free, like the swallows that come and go, and the cars that pass, never to come back, the same way she went and never came back. So much, that I’d like to say and know. But I can’t. She’s been gone for a long time. She and many others.

iamxaxas
 
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Very complex and short. (qualitative work) As I read... this is a very well metaphoric story.
I somehow felt good, when I read it and I want to see behind metaphores and create (I hope) a reddit-like theory:

The leaf is impersonation, a refer to your love. The metaphors tell, that you broke up with her, but you changed, you became older and wiser. You want to tell her about your experiences... but you can not do this. She is gone away, also with siblings and parents, you live elsewhere now. You wish, that she may told be about how it is to be live without the lack of a passed relationship. She is went away and possibly never come back.
 
Level 6
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Thanks, first of all.

Well, it's a nice interpretation, but when I wrote this I didn't have myself in mind. It's more of a... general text, about people who have lost or have been left by other people. It can be any case, from that, to an old lady living by herself, to a kid abbandoned by his parents. I just had the general context in mind while writing, but, again, it's a very good interpretation imo =D
 
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Loving the concept, and it was very well written.

There's some minor spelling errors, and some phrases I would
personally changed for better readability, but they are so few
and inbetween that I won't bother to point them out. They certainly don't denounce the general quality of the text too much.

About the execution, while well written, it didn't feel too impactful,
with a short text like this, you'd want to have more of a mind-
twisting ending, something either surprising or emotionally
impactful. Then again, there's just that much you can say when
you play on the emotions between a tree and a leaf.

Nice read, regardless. Good job :)
 
Level 6
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Mar 27, 2013
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Loving the concept, and it was very well written.

There's some minor spelling errors, and some phrases I would
personally changed for better readability, but they are so few
and inbetween that I won't bother to point them out. They certainly don't denounce the general quality of the text too much.

About the execution, while well written, it didn't feel too impactful,
with a short text like this, you'd want to have more of a mind-
twisting ending, something either surprising or emotionally
impactful. Then again, there's just that much you can say when
you play on the emotions between a tree and a leaf.

Nice read, regardless. Good job :)

I'm really glad that you liked it!

If those corrections aren't worth mentioning in the thread, could you PM them to me maybe? Because I always have a hard time when trying to translate stuff and any opinions would help me improve.

The text was short because of word limit (I wrote this in a test), otherwise it would've been different, but, honestly, I didn't put a more impactful ending because I was saying goodbye, and the text reflects my own way of saying goodbye: softly, lightly and not much more than a couple tears shed. No desperate crying all day long, no screaming, no crying yourself to sleep. Just a sad look and a mental "goodbye".

Anyway, thanks for your reply, it means a lot to me!
 
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