Joke Database

[Crazed_seal2]

Seriously i am in a need of a laugh so im asking you all if you got one a funny joke.
But keeping in mind of the site rules(Do not go too overboard).
Anyway heres some jokes:
Whats red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket! Whats blue and looks like a bucket!
A red bucket in disguise!
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he had no 'body' to go with

[Devine]

^I lol'd hard.

Q: what did the deaf blind homeless kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A: Cancer

[Crazed_seal2]

lulz.
I got another joke.
Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side

[Jsprat100]

If you want to laugh (and are british, that sort of helps) try some Cooperisms:
Cooperisms are 1 liners from the late Tommy Cooper.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
I went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other - you drive I'll man the guns.

I find 1 liners much better than christmas-cracker style 2 liner jokes.
It shoudl be noted that jokes aren't great written down - it is not what you say it is how you say it.

[Azeroc]

Q. How do tauren rogues hide?

A. They paint their balls red and hide in an apple tree.

Q. Why gnome lies dead?

A. He tried to bite in one of the "apples".


Q. How much gnomes does it take to paint a wall?

A. It matters how strong you throw em!



In Chemistry hour...
Teacher: Adam, what you got?
Adam: Red.
Teacher: Ok. A+
Teacher: Susan?
Susan: Orange.
Teacher: B. Not quite what was needed.
Teacher: Mr. Borat?
Mr. Borat: Black.
Teacher: F!!! TAKE COVER, KIDS!

[TwistedImage]

I smiled at these at best.

Sigh.

[WherewolfTherewolf]

What did the man who walked into a bar say?
Ouch!

This also works as a one liner though for internet purposes I feel it works better this way

[Darkness-4ever]

Here's some for those of you who are fond of mathematics:
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

[Kuhneghetz]

http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/9154/52808439xy5.png

[Piwlady]

My sense of humor is so harsh that I won't post any jokes. But some ok jokes here, looking forward to read more of 'em.

[Pharaoh_]

http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/9154/52808439xy5.png

That was fun! :D

[Maker]

So, a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forgot the rest of the joke but your mom is a w****.

[Sheephunter]

The human rogue asked an Ironforge guard and sad: Have you ever seen a Tauren rogue?

The Guard sad: No..

Then the rogue sad: I know, theyr realy good.

[Etzer]

Wow, all theese jokes are epic :P

[TwistedImage]

http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/9154/52808439xy5.png

Oh yay, a good one!

[Devine]

A man walks into a bar.
He's an alcohol and it's destroying his family.

[Etzer]

I didn't really find that funny, but maybe i am just weird?

EDIT :
Some jokes :
(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida) An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed. Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment...make it memorable.

=========================================================
If "CON" is the opposite of "PRO", what is the oposite of PROGRESS?
Congress

[I-am-murloc]

A dwarven pirate walks into the Salty Sailor tavern with a steering wheel in his pants.

Innkeeper: Oi mate, ya have a steerin' wheel in yar pants!
Dwarf: Arrrr, I know, it's been drivin' me nuts!

[Kuhneghetz]

No joke.

[Piwlady]

A man walks into a bar.
He's an alcohol and it's destroying his family.

That was good :D

@Dan van Ohllus

There was couple good :P

---------------------

Ok, here is one joke.

Q:How many men you need to change light bulb?
A: None, let the bitches wash dishes in dark.

[Devine]

Still no joke

Racist and sexist. Dude.

[LordDz]

Racist and sexist. Dude.

and awesome.

[Devine]

and awesome.

not really =/
Most of them are really old and are posted daily at forums that hive forbids :3

[Azeroc]

Pinocchio talks to Gepetto:
- Daddy my dick is all jagged and crooked so I have no success with girls.
- You know, my son, I didn’t care too much about that detail, but that should not be a problem. Go to the shop, take a sandpaper and fix it.
After some time, Gepetto asks Pinocchio:
- Well, did you resolve the problem with the girls?
- Daddy, since I got the sandpaper who needs the girls anymore.

- Why didn't the sailors play cards?
- Because the captain was sitting on the deck.

- All is a shitting, except the pissing, but the pissing becomes a shitting if you piss against the wind.

Good: Your son is growing up.
Bad: He has a relationship with a whore from the neighborhood.
Very bad: Just like you.

Good: Your son has a serious relationship.
Bad: The relationship is with a man.
Very bad: With your best friend.

Good: Your daughter has a good job.
Bad: She is a whore.
Very bad: She earns much more than you.

- Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money?
- ???
- The stupid policeman, since Santa Claus and the smart policeman don’t exist.

In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but, as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he is away, he wrote on a napkin: "I SPIT IN THE SOUP".
When he returned, he found another message on napkin: "ME, TOO".

[DarkAngelAzazel]

Best jokes will always be math jokes or windows jokes :D

1. What is the difference between batman and bill gates?
When batman fought the penguin he won

2. A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."

3. Computers are like air conditioners, they stop working properly if you open Windows.

4.
Customer: I'm running Windows...
Helpdesk: Yes...
Customer: ...and now my computer stopped working !
Helpdesk: Yes, you already said that.

5. Hiroshima '45, Chernobyl '86, Windows '98

6.
Mac for works
Linux for servers
Windows for solitair

There are so many I just named the once I like most :D

[TwistedImage]

Windows jokes stopped being funny after the first one :p

[Kuhneghetz]

This is the best Windows joke I've ever heard:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zsV34y-Zrbs

[DonDustin]

what is the difference between Casanova and Jesus??

the face expression while nailing

[Garden Snake Lord]

One day, a barkeep is tending his bar, minding his own business (quite literally, actually) and serving his customers. To his astonishment, a duck walks in, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
While understandably surprised, the barkeep gets the duck his drink. With his main fear that the duck won’t pay dismissed by a five dollar bill, the barkeep starts talking to the duck. He finds out the duck is working as a bricklayer at the new construction site across the street and will be coming often.
After closing for the night, the barkeep calls his brother, who owns a circus. The barkeep excitedly tells his brother that there is a talking duck working across the street, and that he will be coming pretty much every day. His brother promises to get there the next day to look at this talking duck.
Sure enough, both the talking duck and the barkeep’s brother arrive the next day. The barkeep’s brother sits down next to the duck and starts talking with him as if a talking duck was a common occurrence. After the duck complains about the lack of job opportunities, the brother makes his move.
“You know, I could use a person of your talent,” the brother says. “I own a circus, and you would fit right in.”
The duck gives the brother a disbelieving look.
“You own a circus?” he asks.
“Yes,” the brother replies.
“With a big canvas tent?”
“Yes.”
“With the wooden bleachers?”
“Yes,” the brother responds, getting annoyed and wondering where the duck is going.
“Then what the hell do you need a bricklayer for?”

[Firelord213]

Fe = Iron
Male = Man

Female = Ironman

[Ziggen]

An Irishman walks out of a bar...

[The Reborn Devil]

An Irishman walks out of a bar...
That wasn't nice :D

There exists Irish people who walks out of the bar ^^

[Piwlady]

There exists Irish people who walks out of the bar ^^

Pics or it didn't happen :D

[Etzer]

Ziggen xD

[Teelo]

Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?

To get to the same side.

[ronojales]

http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/9154/52808439xy5.png

lol XD

[Darkness-4ever]

Conservapedia (www.conservapedia.com/)

[Azeroc]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_lm2JI7sGwYI/Se6WTzVNbbI/AAAAAAAAFF0/8E6IBhNVK4M/s400/i%27m+with+stupid.jpg

[Etzer]

OH it is wearing the new T-SHIRT from that. Err... Firm.

[Chronically Happy]

My father was a magician.
We were walking down the street and he turned into a bar.

What do you call a black pilot?
A pilot, you racist.

And now for something terrible.

What is the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?
I don't have sex with a sandwich before I eat it.

Dead baby jokes are amazing.

[Kwah]

Idiotic thread is full of idiots.